Here's a journal entry from 9-8-2010
9-23-12

Dear Danielle (my daughter) + Mommy, I love you and miss you both very much. I am thankful for both of you today and every day. I thank God for your all every day. Today is Patsy Cline's birthday! I like her music and to sing her songs. I used to turn the music up in my utility truck and sing Patsy Cline while working on telephone lines up on the pole. I liked it because it felt silly and liberating. I don't miss telephone lines as much as I miss you two, I am lost without you. I do go to work (I am or was assigned to maintenance here in prison) and smile at everyone but all anyone has to do is mention either of you and my eyes water up. I cannot hide how much I miss you both. OK, enough of that, let's see... today I watched a beautiful sunrise (F6-3L was a window bunk and my assigned bunk back then)... was really nice to my bunkie... took someone else's trash out... encouraged a woman to go to medical about her mysterious lumps... ate seven hard boiled eggs for breakfast because other women didn't want them in the chow hall... accomplished being nice all day. The Wellbutrin seems to be helping. I can do fifty sit ups but still don't have a washboard stomach, got a long way to go.

9-14-2010 Dear Danielle and Mommy, welp, I am two weeks into the happy pills and doing great. I have 4,095 days left, my new maintenance boss calls me 12 because I was sentenced to 12 years, he's ex-military. I don't know if this will last but it is better for today. I'm smiling every day, it's nice. Today my boss - who is in the National Guard - was complaining about young men with "bottom bunk passes" (like me), he is due to go this weekend, a woman at dinner was complaining about the same thing. I have to admit I am the culprit they both are referring to "works maintenance but has a bottom bunk pass". I don't feel bad, I earned the right to a bottom bunk pass by surviving all of my injuries and earned the knowledge to work maintenance before I came to prison. I just don't "fit the image" of a disabled woman or a maintenance worker, that's by God's grace and I appreciate it...

Those thoughts were a long time ago. I worked on maintenance for eight months. I worked with integrity and diligence and even enthusiasm. It surprised people here to see me act the way I did, considering the environment. I don't work maintenance anymore, it became detrimental to my inner being. I don't like to see so much destruction and I must protect myself from the mental and verbal abuse inflicted here. Now I'm in horticulture, there is still dehumanization, degradation or oppression but I have access to learning. Which means when employees and "slaves" are hurting each other I can sink into a book on plants and try to shut them out. We are called inmates, residents, ma'am's but I know it's slave, so I will use the term. Besides, I think we want to pretend we don't have slavery in America. I am a slave, America is big on slavery. I don't need to sugarcoat it.

Something I am very grateful for today and I say this with apprehension: my daughter, who is fifteen, is doing very well. I hear so many women here talking about their children in jail and/or prison. Being here really increases the likelihood that our children will have a criminal record and come to prison behind us. There are second and third generations here. My daughter is not in public school, thank God, and not in an urban area. These are both factors that play heavily in the direction she will take in life. I love my child very much, I want to work out ways to support her from within these walls and fences, it's not easy.

Football season is here, woo-hoo! My team is the San Diego Chargers - today they're playing Atlanta. Football season is great, the weather cools down, the end of the year is coming, it's an opportunity to spend time with people we care about. I used to be one of the people that; disagreed with the salary of a player, or that; people should prioritize other things that are more important. I changed my perspective, I enjoy watching football and being around people in a positive way. Watching football here isn't that easy or enjoyable because the television is on a shelf ten feet up on the wall. The chairs are not very comfortable, it's too noisy to hear the television, the shower and toilets are a few feet away from the television, it's okay though. Everyone is a little happier because of the weather. I listen to the games on the radio, talk to women about the games, all-in-all it's great even in prison.

I will write more soon, I really am grateful for this opportunity.

Love, Heather

Heather Dison R64751 C3-5L
Gadsden Correctional Facility
6044 Greensboro Hwy
Quincy, FL 32351