April 28, 2011

Another Boring Day in La-La Land; Dear Shannon

From The Uncommon Criminal by Kyle De Wolf (author's profile)


Sat. 4-16-11
Another Boring Day in La-La-Land

Today it was very cold, wet, and windy. A strong wind and a driving rain are never a good combination. In the preface to Thus Spoke Zarathustra, I read that it is a teaching of Lutheran Pietism that "the events of life are divinely willed and that it is thus impiety to desire that things should be different from what they are." I felt challenged by that thought so I've been trying not to complain about the weather. Like the singer says, "Rain makes corn, and corn makes whiskey, and whiskey makes my baby feel a little frisky. Rain is a good thing."

We had spaghetti and erstaz garlic bread for lunch. It's one of my favorite meals. I didn't bring my Parmesan cheese because nobody could tell me what we were having. I wasn't brave enough to venture out into the weather for the chicken fajitas we were having for dinner. Chicken fajitas fill up your stomach, but they're not much to get excited about. Instead, I hid under my covers and dreamed about becoming Taylor Swift's love slave. If I were a Saracen, I'd pick Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, and Selena Gomez to be my second, third, and fourth wives. Of course, my first wife is a secret I hold close to my heart. I'd also slay Justin Biebar with my scimitar. So many of the prisoners here would be heartbroken.

Friedrich Nietzsche is a very obscure writer. He is very poetic and eloquent, but I'm not sure what he's talking about. Zarathustra sounds like an arrogant prick. I had to set him aside and read my Nuevo Testamento for a little while. Just to dabble in a little heresy, doesn't Mateo 5:21-26 imply that all people will eventually be saved? Jesus said, "Thou shalt by no means came out thence, till thou hast paid the uttermost farthing." While the New American Bible commentators assure us that he was indicating the finality of hell, his words suggest to me that it is indeed possible to pay the uttermost farthing. Otherwise he'd just say you'd rot in prison forever.

I read in The New York Times that the evangelicals in Uganda wanted to pass a law calling for the execution of homosexuals and for citizens to report any suspected incidents of homosexual sodomy to the police within 24 hours. The goal was to eradicate homosexuality throughout the county. It also said that in Uganda homosexuals were not seen as a sexual minority advocating for its rights but as a dangerous threat spreading its vile cancer throughout society.

Now I just read The Last Christian on Earth by Os Guinness, and he was bragging about how liberal churches in the decadent West are shrinking yet the evangelical church is growing rapidly in Africa. Does the church grow by pandering to hatred, intolerance, and totalitarianism? What happened to John 8:3-11, where Jesus famously said, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her?"

Now, Star (4-4-11) said that "troubled teen" Miley Cyrus stumbled out of Chateau Marmont drunk after a long night of partying at 3:00 AM. Of course, libertines like me who have no morals don't find that very troubling. I started drinking in earnest when I was 15. I've always felt that when you're big enough to put money on the counter, you're big enough to drink. If Miley wanted to join the army, nobody would be calling her a "troubled teen", even though it would ruin her life a lot more than having a few drinks at some fancy Hollywood bar. I'd like to party with Miley. We could exchange sloppy drunk kisses. It would be great. Just don't get behind the wheel of a car, Miley. I need you to stick around for me. For all of us.


Dear Shannon
By Kyle De Wolf

Dear Shannon I know that
I wasn't there
when you just needed a friend
but I didn't forget you
I'm just in jail
I will come see you again

Life is hard girl
we all make mistakes
we don't know what we're doing
but just a little faith will help
you get up and keep on going

So keep the porch light on
and I'll be coming along
we'll have a drink or two
a little Jack and coke will do
and I will sing you a song

Dear Shannon you are my friend
you will be until the end
in all my days
I'd never part ways
with my sweetest and dearest friend


Replies (1) Replies feed

dldewolf1 Posted 8 years, 7 months ago. ✓ Mailed 8 years, 7 months ago   Favorite
KJV Leviticus 18:22

Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

KJV Leviticus 18:29

For whosoever shall commit any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be cut off from among their people.

I'm afraid these Ugandans are well within their scripture. Any ancient text will be full of ignorant statements.

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