Between the Bars: Comments on 'Mindful Prisoner(6/10/2014)'https://betweenthebars.org/posts/commentfeed/178092014-10-06T00:37:08ZComment2014-10-06T00:37:08ZDaniel Labbe/people/show/342tag:betweenthebars.org,2014-10-06:/posts/17809/mindful-prisoner6102014/comments
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<a href='/people/show/342'>Daniel Labbe</a>
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<span class='comment-date'>Posted 9 years, 5 months ago.</span>
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Comment2014-09-14T09:28:39Zashleyl26/people/show/8658tag:betweenthebars.org,2014-09-14:/posts/17809/mindful-prisoner6102014/comments
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<a href='/people/show/8658'>ashleyl26</a>
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<span class='comment-date'>Posted 9 years, 6 months ago.</span>
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Everyday is another day in the prison known as my mind. Your prison is literal. Mine is metaphorical. But, I CAN BET YOU mine is worse.<br />I AM IN THE PRISON OF MY MIND. <br />But, I don't hate you. In all actuality, I want to hold you and tell you that I forgive you. But, that will never happen. <br />I know you had a tough childhood. That's why I feel sorry for you. I had a tough childhood. I don't remember any of it. <br />I cut myself with kitchen knives. <br />I've been three times to the hospital and that was enough to scare me. Yet, I still cut. BECAUSE OF YOU. <br />My mom is everything I need. My mother takes good care of me. She's doing everything for me and I've never met a mother so dedicated. <br />But, after, you fucked us over, it was difficult for her and I have memories of her just laying there, dead. She tried her best for me but my memories say that's not enough.<br />I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY! FUCK EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE. <br />And, for the longest time I admired you. I held that BULLSHIT letter you gave to me to my chest and I cherished it. But, I burnt it not too long ago. I burnt away your apologies. <br />I can't hold on to this anger anymore and I hope you're happy for me that I was finally able to let it out. I feel so much fucking better right now. But, I'll probably cut myself after this. <br />Music helps a lot. i like 90's rock. <br />If you're wondering how I'm doing in school, I'm great I'm in artsy school and my teachers adore me for my eccentric ways. I do a lot of writing. I don't have many friends. I'm very out of place.<br />Here's a poem I wrote: <br />Smelly House of Lemons:<br />Maybe it's the dog, <br />Flea ridden and decaying inside and out from old age, <br />Maybe it's the rotting food,<br />Growing unseemly mold and lying on kitchen counters.. and piling high in cups in my room,<br />Maybe it's the cat's piss and vomit<br />Covering hidden places in the basement, untouched for weeks,<br />Maybe it's the yellow walls, a piss color<br />The color of a lemon, <br />The smell of a lemon,<br />No it was not a lemon! <br />The taste of a lemon...<br />The disease radiating off my father ,<br />His ghost haunting the halls.<br />Maybe it's the rats hiding in the wall,<br />Scratching and screaming,<br />Wanting to be set free,<br />Maybe it's the ghost of the man who died previously in this hellish home,<br />Haunting me for touching his things and existing in his very house,<br />Maybe it's the haunting, daunting history of mine,<br />The sour smell and taste of lemons that lived in the basement and my polka dotted bedroom,<br />Maybe, it's the smell of fresh paint covering the tainted walls of past, trying to tuck it away, <br />Maybe it's the smell of the soap that I scrubbed on my body trying to wash away my father's disease. <br />Maybe it's the alcohol my mother drinks to mask the pain she feels from the depression, anxiety, insomnia, and fibromyalgia <br />Maybe it's me. <br />My worried, anxiety ridden brain spreading chemicals and corkscrews.<br />Here's a picture of me http://prntscr.com/4mq0js I hope someone prints it out or something. <br />-Ashley Labbe
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Comment2014-08-28T14:52:49ZAimee Lee/people/show/8623tag:betweenthebars.org,2014-08-28:/posts/17809/mindful-prisoner6102014/comments
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<a href='/people/show/8623'>Aimee Lee</a>
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<span class='comment-date'>Posted 9 years, 7 months ago.</span>
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Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post.<br /><br />Wow. Just wow. Daniel, your blogs are amazing and not at all what I expected. I share a lot of the same views as you on many of your topics. I have never been incarcerated, or really in any major trouble. However, I feel strongly about the way our prison system works.. or doesn't work, rather. Also, by boyfriend is currently up in Concord State in NH. I wish he was surrounded by people like you in there, I feel like he would learn so much from you.. since he doesn't listen to me haha.. hes been in since 6/10 and we're looking at a release in 3/17 so far..I'm sure you know how easy that release date can change tho..it was originally set for 2014 and has been extended twice now. Been by his side 100% for over 4 years now, and I am proud of his many, many positive changes.. but I will be sending him many of your blogs to read I think they would be the kind of inspiration he needs..maybe he'll finally be able to change the way he views life and look at things from a different point of view. <br /><br />Also, as a mother, I can't imagine the pain you must feel with not being allowed contact with your daughter. I do not think that is right, but I will not elaborate on the subject right now. From your blog and your age, I guessed she is about 16 or so now? 2 more years and she is 18 and I hope you will reach out and contact her the second you can. Write her a long letter, direct her towards these blogs, and I hope and pray that she will be reunited in your life!! You BOTH deserve it!<br /><br />Your blogs are wonderful, keep writing even when you get out, they truly are inspiring. You have such a great outlook, that alone will get you far in life!<br /><br />Take care of yourself!!<br />Aimee =)
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