Between the Bars: Comments on 'thoughts And Questions Of A Father No More'https://betweenthebars.org/posts/commentfeed/192532014-10-31T13:26:14ZComment2014-10-31T13:26:14Zeverythingmoves/people/show/8761tag:betweenthebars.org,2014-10-31:/posts/19253/thoughts-and-questions-of-a-father-no-more/comments
<div class='comment'>
<a name='c9551'></a>
<div class='commentbyline'>
<table>
<tr>
<td>
<a href='/people/show/8761'>everythingmoves</a>
</td>
<td>
<span class='comment-date'>Posted 9 years, 5 months ago.</span>
</td>
<td>
<a href='/comments/comment/9551/flag'
class='comment-flag'
title='Flag comment'> </a>
<span class='favorites-control'>
<a class='favorite-button'
href='/comments/mark_favorite_after_login?comment_id=9551'
title='Mark as favorite'><span style='padding-left: 10px;'>Favorite</span></a>
</span>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
<div class='commentbody'>
I will always live with the scars of the abuse I suffered as a child. I think depression and anxiety are things I will struggle with for the rest of my life.<br /><br />I haven't talked to my father in over a decade, and I hold a tremendous amount of resentment towards him.<br /><br />However, as I've gotten older, the resentment I have is not so much towards past wounds--those were so long ago now, and I can't imagine a life without them. My anger is towards the fact that he has never apologized. He's never attempted to prove to me that he was capable of change.<br /><br />Your letter resonated to me because it's the letter I always hoped I'd get from my parents. It's beautiful. It shows how hard you're trying.<br /><br />My mother acknowledged some of her mistakes to me when I was a teenager, but I wasn't ready to hear her apology yet. After a few tries, she gave up. <br /><br />Ten years later, I wish she hadn't. If she could try again, it would mean so much. <br /><br />What I want to tell you is: Don't give up. <br /><br />It might be a year, five years, or ten. But I believe if a human being sees a continuous effort from someone who cares for them deeply, it would be very difficult for them not to be moved. Best of luck to you. So proud of your strength and your ability to overcome your past and become a person worthy of great love.
</div>
<br style='clear: both;' />
</div>
Comment2014-10-23T11:17:19ZJT/people/show/7238tag:betweenthebars.org,2014-10-23:/posts/19253/thoughts-and-questions-of-a-father-no-more/comments
<div class='comment'>
<a name='c9508'></a>
<div class='commentbyline'>
<table>
<tr>
<td>
<a href='/people/show/7238'>JT</a>
</td>
<td>
<span class='comment-date'>Posted 9 years, 5 months ago.</span>
</td>
<td>
<a href='/comments/comment/9508/flag'
class='comment-flag'
title='Flag comment'> </a>
<span class='favorites-control'>
<a class='favorite-button'
href='/comments/mark_favorite_after_login?comment_id=9508'
title='Mark as favorite'><span style='padding-left: 10px;'>Favorite</span></a>
</span>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
<div class='commentbody'>
Your daughter is a teenager. This means that she is struggling with the same things that all teens struggle with. On top of that -- there is a whole lot more, of course. <br /><br />I do not want to speculate about it on a public forum for a variety of reasons - the first of which is that this is her story. She is in charge of her narrative (and I respect that).<br /><br />Of course, she will either continue to talk about it - or not. And she will continue to do so here - on this forum - or in private. <br /><br />She is very articulate and I have confidence that she will do what she needs/wants. <br /><br />My only advice to you is that you must accept her anger and her hurt (as you have). This is your job. <br /><br />But, you must also be careful not to hold to this too tightly - you must accept it - because it is true, but then you must forge ahead with compassion (for everyone - including yourself).<br /><br />All of us learn by example - you have learned that by being compassionate you can heal. So, even with this new hurt - you must continue down that path. This is the example you must set for others. Okay? <br /><br />I am sure that this does not feel like enough - but it is. It is all you can do in this moment, so it is a complete action. It is enough.<br /><br />Maybe you will have a chance to do something else - soon - or maybe someday way off in the future. If you do, then bring your compassionate self to that task, too. <br /><br />But today - just do today - okay? <br /><br />It really is enough. <br /><br />And if you do that - everyday - you will ALREADY have answered the questions in your post :). <br /><br />Perhaps you already have. <br /><br />jt
</div>
<br style='clear: both;' />
</div>
Comment2014-10-19T10:31:53ZBostonRocks/people/show/8702tag:betweenthebars.org,2014-10-19:/posts/19253/thoughts-and-questions-of-a-father-no-more/comments
<div class='comment'>
<a name='c9452'></a>
<div class='commentbyline'>
<table>
<tr>
<td>
<a href='/people/show/8702'>BostonRocks</a>
</td>
<td>
<span class='comment-date'>Posted 9 years, 5 months ago.</span>
</td>
<td>
<a href='/comments/comment/9452/flag'
class='comment-flag'
title='Flag comment'> </a>
<span class='favorites-control'>
<a class='favorite-button'
href='/comments/mark_favorite_after_login?comment_id=9452'
title='Mark as favorite'><span style='padding-left: 10px;'>Favorite</span></a>
</span>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
<div class='commentbody'>
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post.
</div>
<br style='clear: both;' />
</div>