Ugliness

The saddest time of my life has been in being disinherited by my son and daughter due to the negative influence of others on their adolescent minds - I had to be really been made out to some kind of monster - But now I feel they need to be put on a guilt trip for their self righteous misjudgement of me for not being the father they disserved me to be! Before the world turned ugly and sent me over the edge - I spend plenty of quality time with both of them seeking to expand and broaden their minds while I faced adversity due to the color of my skin - something they remained ignorant to, as I showed them as much of my love as possible while facing and seeking to overcome my own demons - I had a library card and read many self-help books and even got my five year son a library card - as I added to each of our own private libraries and mine was growing extensive with music books being in abundance and Mikes being books and cassettes - Let me begin to list the things going on with me in the early years of my children's lives - I was an apprentice plumber working on million dollar homes and learned my trade well - I was a musician that played the rhythm acrostic guitar while singing mostly folk and country - I fished and had fishing licenses - I went to junior college and took two years of mental health - I had books on and studied subliminal suggestion - self hypnosis - I collected silver and studied it as well - we had a two bedroom house - two dogs - I was employed by the University of Chicago for two years doing a study on the spread of drug addiction - I successfully overcame my own drug dependency - what I wasn't able to overcome and come to the understanding of was my dark complexion and White indoctrination that was always clashing in more ways than I was able to deal with - yet - I still managed to take Mike and Rosie to all the Chicago Museums a number of times - to sporting events - the movies - the zoo - fishing - riding on my motorcycle - picnics - when I wasn't working - I spent the majority of time with my kids - even watching the television shows Electric Company and Sesame Street - I tried to be the best father I could be - only things happen and I snapped one night, the pressure of the things working against me - including their mother cheating on me had me go insane - thankfully there were prominent people looking out for me and things didn't turn out as bad as they could have...

Two and a half years later when I got released from imprisonment - their mother divorced me due to having another mans child - she sold everything and then lost it all including the car to her boyfriend after moving to Florida - Me - like an idiot, left Illinois hitch hiking and absconding from three years parole because I missed my children - with that turning out to be the biggest mistake of my life - here I was in Florida standing out like a sore thumb - seven dollars in my pocket - no car - not even a drivers license - staying with my parents because Mary the children's mother didn't want me staying with them in squalor - and I mean total squalor that shocked my conscience - my mind was gone as I now felt trapped and was searching for a solution as I hitched hike back and forth between my parents place and my children about ten miles away - Then I finally thought I discovered the answer to my prayers - that story can be found on my blog at -

http:.//betweenthebars.org/blogs/5296

Entitled 'Brought to Light' - an eight piece series starting in January of this year...For now - Milo 'One Eagle' Rose