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Leon Irby Posted 1 day, 5 hours ago.   Favorite
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Michael Flinner Posted 1 day, 5 hours ago.   Favorite
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tenzintenzin Posted 2 days, 14 hours ago.   Favorite
Sometimes the most heartfelt and sincere apology is rejected. People, especially people impacted by tragedy or terrible acts of violence negate the very idea of an apology as they either feel that it would erase their family member or friend, or is an anathema to them personally, and perhaps they truly feel it is not in their power to grant, they just cannot do it, and that’s an honest response.
Perhaps a better route here would be atonement. Living your life as an act of correction for previous conduct. Be a better version of yourself and strive to recognise in others, your prior character that’s caused your life to hurtle towards cataclysm. Catch them before they fall.
It is an act of strength to live with a terrible remorse. No one knows but you what that feels like. There perhaps is some mythology that people outside fall easily into that a person like your victim is someone who you rarely consider. That you sit in a cushy jail cell with ‘three hots and a cot’, without thought or notion into how your life and hers collided with such violence. Maybe it is something you will have to say every day of your life, to each and every person who ever confronts you about it. Self confrontation is terrifying. Time is terrifying, and a mind unobserved is terrifying.
Atonement, or at one ment, might be a good step and encourage some active thought about pushing ahead.
All the best

Posted on Beauty To The Lost Eye by Anthony P. Heard Jr. Beauty To The Lost Eye
tenzintenzin Posted 4 days, 16 hours ago.   Favorite
Hey Douglas.
It’s interesting you would equate the word peace to monthly living expenses, having ‘enough, what you ‘have’ or don’t ‘have. You come into the world with nothing, and when we die who wants to be the richest guy in the graveyard? I expect you mean like peace of mind, the ability to sleep well because the wolf is away from the door. Thinking over my life I have always worried about money, I’ve never had any. We rent, and I don’t think I’ve ever had a month when there was spare cash after. In the U.K. it has become very ‘trendy’ for rich footballers to get attacked and robbed because they go on Instagram and show off their $200,000 watch, then post their locations, so the local ‘scrote’ will get on his bike and relieve him of it. Can you imagine that, on your wrist, something that costs the same as a house?
. Death is coming for everyone, no one escapes death. The when or where or why, that’s up in the air. My own best friend went to the doctor with a bad cough, same day she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given THREE days to live, she lived nine days. Everything that sucks air or water right now has a time for reincarnation. A bee lives a month and spends its entire life participating in the work of a hive, a domestic ant can live a remarkable 15 years, again works well with others. - “We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years” George Carlin.
I interpret peace as the ability to live without experiencing fear. When the bill lands, you don’t get that stab of fear in your chest. If your kid is late home you don’t descent into worse case scenario thinking. Instead of thinking ‘what if what if’ all the time, you think ‘why not? If the house next door goes up for sale I don’t start thinking my rent will rise. Well that’s a lie, I still do panic! You can choose peace in a moment, in your mind. Don’t have to wear white robes and ting a little bells smiling beatifically. You watch your body is doin inside, get real about how fast your heart is beating, if your thoughts are racing, or are you breathing too fast and spend a minute taking back control. The jail might own your shell and make decisions for it, but what goes on inside is all you. Being overwhelmed is a fatal mix. The most together looking/sounding person can become overwhelmed. Control the things you can change, and accept the things you can’t, easier said that done, You may feel you are ‘nowhere’ in life, but two million of your fellow Americans are there with you. It’s a place. Perhaps outside you would have passed already, perhaps death row extended your life, in an ironic way.? Like I said to another blogger on here, I can’t download case notes because it is prohibitively expensive to do from here in London.

Posted on Dear Reader.......10/6/19 by Douglas Blaine Matthews Dear Reader.......10/6/19
tenzintenzin Posted 4 days, 17 hours ago.   Favorite
Part Two of Two
My interpretation of love, and gleaned from what I have read through the years, love is a term that has been inextricably linked to romantic endeavour, which obscures its real power. In that it has the power to absolutely heal and restore. And it’s opposite is not ‘hate’ it is ‘indifference’. When you hate someone you think about them a little too much, your mind goes dark and your real self has to divert to deal with this, well, cancer, in your psyche. Indifference is a terrible thing also. I read a lot on these blogs how prison staff hate hate their charges. If that’s so, then it’s a form of caring in action, at least you have their attention. If they were indifferent to you, you’d be in trouble. Indifference is cutting a man down from the bars after his suicide, and you continue eating your lunch. That’s pretty terrifying. Indifference manifests it’s self in these ways, cheating, betrayal, indiscretions, Indifference in action is setting two nuclear devices off in Japan, because you wanted to end a war, which was ending anyway the Japanese were starved out, and you wanted to test this new device, 200,000 dead, a million to die later through cancers and bomb injury. Indifference. War is an absence of love and care and recognition of a fellow human being. Thank God we aren’t alive for longer that eighty years, Those staff, many repute to despise, keep some people I have read about, that you wouldn’t want sitting on a bus near a loved one. I can’t be indifferent to even the worst killers, because they are the living embodiment of indifference, and gratefullly they have shown us who they are. It’s the silent ones you have to protect yourself from Mr Trump is indifferent. His wallet anaesthetised him to life and other humans. And now he makes decisions that change our lives.
Another problem love makes is its with loyalty and personal internal satisfaction demands. Like loving a drink, then drink quickly becomes an abusing lover. The love of drugs, porn, speeding cars, the demand for your attention, and much more of it, The love of brotherhood, being part of something like a gang, which brings all your defensiveness loyalty to the fore and you start doing what someone else tells you instead of making your own personal mistakes, you make them in a group of fifty other people.
My theory, which is widely shared is that we are not 50 billion individuals and trillions more animals, insects birds and marine creature, we are no individual, we are part of a whole which separated many years ago to experience itself in all its myriads of forms. We have been most things. As humans, you and me both are top of the incarnation table.
Well, went off on a but of a waffle there.
But think about love, not just romantic love.
All the best

Posted on The Power Of Reading Between The Lines by Anthony P. Heard Jr. The Power Of Reading Between The Lines
Erne2017SPO-T Posted 4 days, 17 hours ago.   Favorite
14 Nov 2019 Hi WG:
Herb and I got back to Clearwater on the 13th and I went to bed rather early but forgot to take the house phone up to the bedroom upstairs last night. I see you tried 2x to call here on 13th. Sorry, I just did not hear the phone ring. These walls are plaster and each room is quite sound proof.
I wished I had spoken to you. I know you won't get this message quickly but I'm letting you know there is 6 calls available now on the phone acct for you to call. I have to go back to Miami on the 17th and the 18th they will hotel us for the 19th to be at 9:30 am at the VA Eye Clinic for a pre op for Herb's cataract surgery in the middle of December. I spoke to his sister and she is going to help get him assistance. I am not taking his problems on. I have done my best to help him understand his scheduled Drs. appts which are many in Miami and Kew West. Long story but as you mentioned about my Dad. This is not the same circumstance I have no power over helping Herb and I cannot take it on at my age. I need to concentrate on our Expansion of VM work. It is expanding and getting noticed and I am very pleased someone in LA wants to know more about the VM Extension course game we started. I know ultimately you want VMs in there helping the inmates. It will happen. I just haven't had my attention on a letter to you to explain what is happening. I am pleased you are concentrating on yourself and your possible parole. Wow that is something that the Warden does not recognize our religion on that list you posted. omg. It will get handled. Did you send that info to JR? If not you need to. RLUIPA remember. I am in a little bit better communication with Sac Org on DB course progress. Happy to say he is doing NSOL and progressing thanks to you. I appreciate you staying in comm with me per your letter 11-6-19. It was awesome to come home and find a letter from you. You are one Special Being to me and I hope you know that. I learn a great deal from you. I totally admire your theta abilities. Take care my friend for many lives. ML Erne

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tenzintenzin Posted 4 days, 17 hours ago.   Favorite
Hey there Anthony. Part One of Two
Thursday, 14th November 3pm
Very dull and autumnal outside
I think as people, more here, in the Western Hemisphere. We got very hooked up on the word ‘love’. In fact there is an industry that makes millions from it, there’s even a special day and saint for it Valentine. So they pump us full of books TV film’s soft toys, foods, and so the mythology gets momentum. An expectation of how love will arrive, what it will look and feel like, how it is supposed to evolve, how we are supposed to behave under it’s ‘thrall’. And there’s a myriad of derivations to love. Parental love, maternal/paternal, child, homosexual, loving people who clearly abuse us, loving people because we fear isolation, loving someone just to fit into a social norm. And this ‘love’ is supposed to be all encompassing, like the love God showed you humanity when we killed his only son, a gift he had sent us for our betterment. Instead of punishment, he gave us eternal life. Romantic love is what we chase here in the west. We are pressured into relationships in case we miss out, or we find someone who complements us and we bravely offer up our hearts.
Travel to the Asian subcontinent it’s a different story. Your parents and relatives pick your spouse. Compatible acceptable to other family members, and that’s the person you spend your life with. You are both on the same page. No one is pressured. Arranged marriages number in the 54% across the world. There are occasions when the marriage is forced, but that is the extreme minority. Millions have successful arranged partnerships every year. If you are looking for a like minded partner, if you are any of the tree Abrahamic religions, then go get a matchmaker. Muslims especially, very okay about marrying prisoners, as long as the person is making work personally. A changed mind set is a very liberating thing. And I understand you have the strictures of your environment, but your mind, is, and will always be free. And believe me, if they could find a way of shutting that down they would.

Posted on The Power Of Reading Between The Lines by Anthony P. Heard Jr. The Power Of Reading Between The Lines
DJforJames Posted 5 days, 1 hour ago.   Favorite

Thank you for the reminder; forgiveness is my purpose in life. Who ever directed my attention to the power and intent that forgiveness can have in my life was truly speaking for my creator to me.

I’ve taken the view now that forgiveness is the purpose of all life. To illustrate my findings about this observation I can tell you that in my life I observe people do way more forgiving than they have given themselves credit. Imagine how many times a day someone is cutoff traffic...the number has to be in the billions on a daily, now look how few of those instances turn into few! So few when compared.

I’ve studied forgiveness and it’s role when consciously applied to day to day life and I’ve come to know forgiveness. And who ever reminds me of this with intent is speaking on behalf of our creator.

Furthermore, I am grateful for all my opportunities, past,present, future, to forgive.

Posted on Beauty To The Lost Eye by Anthony P. Heard Jr. Beauty To The Lost Eye
Anthony P. Heard Jr. Posted 1 week, 1 day ago.   Favorite
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Douglas Blaine Matthews Posted 1 week, 1 day ago.   Favorite
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Posted on Dear Reader.......10/6/19 by Douglas Blaine Matthews Dear Reader.......10/6/19
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