January 8, 2013

New Years Resolutions

Wow! In every year that starts that is usually the way it starts off. With a resolution. Me, I'm not your typical person. I guess you could say I don't think like anyone else. Maybe so. But if so I guess I'm a minority. Because I failed to make any. I mean in truth the thought that I should did cross my mind and I came up with a few things I would either like to change or would have liked to accomplish. But in reality, I didn't bother. Why? I feel like in the grander scheme of things it's utterly pointless. Don't get me wrong, I do have goals and various things I would like to reach but I feel like I don't need the new year or rather the start of one to tell me to do so. I seemed to have a full plate at the finish of 2012 and as it stands I still have a full one as well as more things added to it at the start of 2013. Of course nothing much about my situation has changed. If it does in fact do so it won't do so until later in the year. I have gotten into the habit of trying to write down the things I mean to accomplish either for the week or for the day, most of which I do accomplish but there are some things that I go weeks without finishing. That can be bothersome but it just helps to motivate me to work harder and more efficient at those things I do set out to do in the first place. One thing that I have accomplished with the start of the New Year is starting a meaningful, positive, healthy relationship. I have only been with my boyfriend for a few weeks, I think a little over a month. I'm not even sure the exact date! :( (Maybe I should ask him) I'm usually pretty good at remembering these types of things but it didn't exactly happen in the normal type of way. Don't get me wrong, IN NO WAY am I complaining about that aspect or any other of our relationship but it just makes me laugh when I think of it. I guess because he's not like anyone else I have ever met. I really never thought in my wildest dreams I would end up with him or really anyone for that matter. Do you know what it's like to be as young as I am and feel in your very heart and soul you are going to end up living the rest of your life alone and even eventually die that way too? I do or at least did until I met him. You know the reason I bring him up is because our relationship just reminds me of the book I wrote last year called "Eden's Fall". So much of the time I think about aspects of the book itself. I at times wonder if I should go back and change things about it now that my thinking is quite different in almost every way possible. But I know I wouldn't. I found that despite what others may or may not do I never regret anything I write besides the standard editing. I usually make no changes to the story itself. No, in case you're wondering, I am still not published. I never in all my wildest dreams realized that it was as hard as it is to publish a novel. WOW!!! I wish it was easier but then I think to myself if it was I would not want it nearly as badly. It just makes me continue to work all that much harder and has taught me without a doubt never to give up on that which I want the most. I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm the best or even that I will ever have a New York Times bestseller. That might never ever happen. But I know I try as hard as those writers and I've got enough heart for anyone who wants this as much as I do. I'm not at all selfish in my desire to want nor am I selfish in my ideas about what I would do with the money I made if I did become published. But only when I become published and successful can I start to accomplish the dreams I set out to do. So that's back to where I started this out - resolutions. If I had to make one it would definitely be to become published. But to me it seems like "a single day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a single day." I know I have been absent lately but I will make it a priority to keep writing on a more regular basis. HAPPY NEW YEAR!