Monday February 25, 2013 5:12am Just cleaned the cell i[. I didn't watch any news it's all about that Oscar crap. I got up at 3:44. I feel good, but I'm having some suicidal thoughts that I don't like. I got to get my head up out of that. It's just to damn tempting to put an end to this existence. Here comes breakfast.

5:31am Breakfasts was just two thin pancakes and 8oz of oatmeal. Soon as they pick up food trays I'm going to start writing. I'm going to finish a letter to my mom, and then write Anne and then decide what to do after that. I hope Paul and his loved ones are doing okay, 'cause this will be the last full day of his life. Well here's tray pick-up.

12:56pm Finished a letter to my mom this morning. Wrote cards to two organisations, other than that I haven't done a damn thing. They called rec for the guys. They should be pulling them here soon. It's raining, but if I could I'd go out. They're pulling right now.

1:57pm Only one guy went out from this side. We have a new guy over here. A guy left for court of Friday and this guy got his cell. I hear there's guys on the DC wing waiting for open cells. I'll be glad when today is over, so I can go to sleep. I won't get my shower until 8PM. I'm fixing to lay down, put my music on and take a nap.

4:58pm Been a bad day. This prozac should be helping me. I've thought about suicide way too much. It's been like that all damn day. I don't know if it's just all this damn death; Kay, Sherry, Fiona, Tom, and Paul sitting there with 25 hours to live. These executions, especially when I know these guys are hard. My world is surrounded by death. I'm fixing to lay down and call it a day, watch some news TV and wait on showers and then hit the bed.

Tuesday February 26, 2013 6:05am Was just watching the local news. Paul got a stay :) Sure am glad to hear that. I was just sitting here writing Anne when that came on 20 News out of Gainesville. I was watching Jacksonville news earlier and they reported that it was still on, but 20 reported the 11th circuit Court of Appeals has issued a stay. I slept until 4am. Mind is still in a bad place. I need to just try to pull myself up out of this. I've got a few letters that I need to write, which is what I'm fixing to get back to.

8:54am They passed out cleaning supplies, so I cleaned the cell bars and the sink and toilet, also washed some cloths. It's storming outside right now.

10:26am I just went out and got a TB test. There's about a dozen of us who were out there getting it. Canteen had come right before that. I only had 22 dollars in my account. I'm now flat broke, maybe I'll get some money by Friday, at least I hope so.

1:22pm Damn this sucks!! Can't get my mind on track, just really down. I thought Paul getting a stay might help me out, but I just don't feel good. I just stopped to clean the floor. Listen to my music, but the only thing I'm looking forward to is 5:30 so I can get under the covers and go to sleep, call it a day and put another one behind me. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I just hope that unethical sgt isn't working down here. I wish they would move him somewhere else. Well I'm going to walk for awhile.

Wednesday February 27, 2013 8:31am I just finished writing a letter and answering a questionnaire on the death penalty. I feel a bit better today. Yesterday was not a good day. I layed down by 4pmand stayed in bed. I got up at 4:11am, cleaned-up, watched the news and then worked on this questionnaire. We have a good sgt. working today, and not the unethical sgt that really is no more than a criminal correctional officer.

8:55 Had to stop and change sheets and make my bunk. Not sure what I'm going to do now. I've got library this afternoon, law library that is. Not sure if I'm going to go. I've got plenty of time to decide.

2:58pm I didn't go to the law library. I haven't done a thing today. Just layed here, watched TV and listened to music. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll be glad to get my shower, come back and go to sleep. Survivor is on tonight, but I don't know if I'll stay up for it, 'cause all I want to do is go to sleep.

Thursday February 28, 2013 6:16am Here I am waking up to another day. I don't know why I'm stuck in this funk. Doesn't help they have that unethical criminal sgt. working down here today. But I went to bed last night thinking of how nice it would be to go to sleep and never wake up. Unfortunately I woke up at 3:30am. Damn, I'm tired of this shit, why in the Hell can't death just come. If there's a God let me die in the next 30 days. Prove to everyone you exist. If I'm alive on April 1, 2013 then there is no God. There's no doubt in my mind that I'll wake up on April 1, 'cause there's no divine intervention involved in this life. The only way I die before April 1, is if I used my own hands to bring this to a halt.

9:35am Feeling a bit better. I had a headache earlier that finally went away, wouldn't mind it being a brain tumour. Although I wouldn't want to be fading in and out like Tom was doing, I'd rather feel the pain. I've always been good at dealing with physical pain. It's the emotional pain that I don't cope with very well. My emotions screw me up! For some reason this prozac is not working the way it normally does. I found myself to be captivated more by suicidal thoughts over the past 3, 4, 5 days than I was. Something has to give here. I just thought about something this new doctor started me off on 40mg. I've always started with 20mg, and then after several months I go up. Maybe that's what's happening. Anyways the guys went to rec. The lt. stopped by and I asked him about this heightened security. He said he would check on it. He's not my favourite to deal with, but he was nice and professional about it. He and I have fallen out several times over the years. Back when he was a sgt. I filed several grievances against him. Seems he let that go, which I'm glad of. Maybe I'll hear something back. I'm going to walk and listen to music and pass some time.

1:30pm I've just been laying around. I haven't done a thing. Someone messed up the count so they're going to be doing the master count here shortly. I'll just be glad when 5:30 gets here so I can go to sleep. I'm ready to call it a day. I do hate feeling like this. Soon as they come by for this master count, I'm going to lay back down and listen to music, try to pass the next four hours. That idiot down the hall is trying to sing, sounds like someone's hurting him, shoving a corn cob up his a**. Yes he sounds that bad. Worse than one of those American Idol rejects.

1:57pm They cam through with master count. The psychologist was here at the same time. I'm fixing to lay back down.

5:44pm They had another recount, some officer has screwed up the count three times today. Anyway the result of that is the food isn't even over here, probably won't be here until after 6pm. I'm fixing to call it day, put my mail on the door. I got 2 cards going out and this. I'm going to get in bed, I'll eat when the food comes, or give it away and go to sleep. It's been a bad week , maybe things will get better tomorrow. A new day a new month.