9/4/13: 8:35am: Listening to "Tear The World Down" by We Are The Fallen

Yesterday my Justine would have turned 33 years old. But she's been buried now for 12 years next month. It doesn't get any easier knowing that the woman I loved more than my own life is gone. Life continues to grow harder in here. When you think this is the worst it gets, then it changes and gets worse. A guy in here I know, Chris, he just told me his mom died last week from cancer. Now he has no family left. I think of those days, when I lose my mom and am finally alone in here, left to rot until I die. It's a gruesome reality in here. People stop loving, they stop caring, they forget, and in here, this is a world of its own. Has anyone been following the story of the judge who sentenced a teenage girl's rapist to 30 days in jail? You can probably Google the news story. The judge "G. Todd Baugh" sentenced a school teacher, Stacey Dean Rambold, to 30 days in jail for raping a 14 year old little girl. Mr. Rambold was 49 at the time. He pled guilty to the rape and received 15 years but it was suspended and for him to do 30 days instead. This happened in Billings, Montana. The victim, Cherice Moralez, was only 14. She committed suicide 2 years later. Broke my heart seeing that. My own child was molested by her mother's boyfriend for years and she was suicidal for about 2 years. I thank God every day that none of her attempts were successful. Right now the social workers and therapists are deciding if they will allow me and my side of the family to talk to Krista, my almost 16 year old little girl. I told them to isolate her from her family, would make her feel even more abandoned and unloved. I've also asked for a new photo since I haven't seen her since she was 7 years old. So I'm praying that they don't deny me the opportunity of getting to know my little girl. She's a teenager now so she has changed so much from when she was little. Life has been becoming more & more difficult. Prison is an extremely boring place! A lot of what you see on TV or in the movies is fake. At least in this state it is. Guys do not sit out and play cards or games all day. We don't go to school or classes. In this state, you only go to school if you don't have a G.E.D. If you already have one then you have to pay for any additional school. But lifers, most of the programs offered in prison are not for us. I did this to myself but it doesn't make it any easier. Trying to find a balance is not easy. There is a new device being used in other states and in the federal system that they are calling a mini tablet. It's being sold to prisons by jpay.com. This tablet allows us in prison to use e-mail. That would really be beneficial to me, and countless others. My nephews are just about teenagers, they don't write letters but they are on the computer all the time. I could talk to them, my family, friends, it would allow us in prison to stay more connected to our families. So I'm hoping this state brings them in. I don't know too much about internet access, it wasn't very popular when I was home, but now everyone pretty much has it. I have received countless "friend requests" on Facebook, but ya know what, not a single one of them has sat down and written to me. Family or not, none of them have bothered to use a pen & paper. No one wants to write anymore, they all use computers. So this really would let us stay more connected to our families. I just hope they don't try to charge us for each text. This is all just speculation. This might not even happen in here. Well, I think I'll leave you with this final thought of the day, the world is a pretty tough place, let's try helping each other out sometimes. Even if you help just 1 person. Take care & God bless. Ciao.