Reply ID: 86jf

November 11, 2013: 6:00pm: Listening to: Skillet

Hi Jan, thanx for your recent comments. I may have wrote it wrong but I think the G.A.L. is out of the picture now since Cuyahoga County now has custody of my daughter but this guy, he did not like me one bit. He wouldn't talk to me, write to me, and in all of his reports to the courts he said he didn't understand why me and my family want contact with her since we barely know her and he recommended that we have no contact but it would be up to her therapist. I did not like this man one bit. He wouldn't give me a chance. I could understand if I had been in my kid's life and hurt her or did something wrong but that's the truth, I hardly knew her and I've been in jail her entire life, well, since I knew she was mine. I don't know how she feels towards me. She has written a few times this year and she wants to know why I am here. Why I did what I am in here for. She read about it already so I discussed it with her the best I could. I was very happy that some of my family and friends were able to buy her presents and her therapist, Hannah, she delivered them to her on the morning of her birthday. So to know she had some presents on her 16th birthday, that made my year. I wish I could have done more because since I cannot be there, maybe I can show her how much I love her with presents. It's not the most ideal situation but I am trying my hardest. I am trying to form a relationship with her, a bond, but I don't know exactly how. I write and she doesn't respond much but I'm trying. I explained to her that I made mistakes and all I can do now is learn from them and do my best to fix my life. Since she was kept from me most of her life, forming a bond with her isn't easy. But she gets no love from her mother so I am trying even harder than I ever have before. Krista has a new adoption social worker but I think you're right, 16 year olds won't be adopted. But what my main worry is, what keeps me awake at night is what happens when she turns 18 and is aged out of foster care? She has no one, nowhere to go. And like I explained to her new social worker, I feel like an absolute failure because I failed to find a safe place for her to live and grow up with anyone I trusted. I know if I ask family, and they say no, I don't know if I can forgive that. Krista's therapist, her title is "Family Find Search & Engagement Specialist, Clinical Therapist, MSSA, LSW". And she is doing great helping us but I still continue to worry. I don't know if Krista is angry with me or not, she doesn't say. But I am always worried about her. Right now she is in a new foster home and I must write to her through her new social worker and now her Christmas presents will have to go through them also. Well, I just wanted to thank you and if you have any advice, I'm all ears. Take care & God bless. Ciao.