"Too Many Rules, Too Little Care, & A Great Big Thank You"

January 14, 2014: 6:15am: Watching womens tennis on ESPN2

In prison there are literally hundreds of rules. There are rules for everything. From cleaning your cell to where you can walk, when you can eat, who you can talk to and when. There are rules saying you cannot give anyone anything. Not even as a gift. Like if a guy said, Rob I ran outta coffee, can I have a cup, am I allowed to give it to him, no, but do I, sure. If staff enforced every dumb rule, this place would be Hell. There's a rule stating I cannot type this early, you cannot use your typewriters until after 8:00am. That's just stupid. They make new rules constantly in order to try to dehumanize you. So yesterday I was in the show hall. Now let's be real. I get paid 19¢ per hour working. That doesn't even pay my monthly cable bill of $16.50. There's no such thing as overtime or more than 1 job. So I, like almost every other prisoner in a PA State Prison, we rely on our families & friends help to survive in here. But since I asked so many people to buy my daughter something for Christmas instead of sending me any money, I was broke. So a friend of mine that we call Mexico, because he's from Mexico, asked me if I wanted some peanut Butter. I said yes, so I went to lunch and picked it up from him. He works in the kitchen. As soon as he gives me the peanut butter, the kitchen guard sees it and writes us both up. So now I will have to go see the hearning examiner (a guard's wife) who will determine what my punishment is. There are 52 different types of misconduct charges, ranging from murder to the last one which is "breaking any rule that is not allowed but we didn't put in this book". I have a #43 charge. Taking unauthorized food from the dining hall. So now when I see this woman I will have to pay for the peanut butter and she has the power to lock me in my cell, and I'm not allowed to leave, for 30 days. There is nothing I can do except try to convince her to give me some other sort of sanction. and laying around in a cell for 30 days is no good for me or my back. I have gained 30 pounds since hurting my back and I can no longer see my 6 pack abs. It's frustrating because I worked so hard to get ripped and dow to 6% body fat. The medical department does not want to send me to the local hospital for an MRI. They just continue to shove anti-inflammatory meds down my throat. The physical therapy is a joke. I love to do high intensity cardio workouts, plyometrics, core work, and cross fit workouts.. But I haven't been able to do much in the 9 months that I hurt my back. meidcal knows that after 9 months of pain, something is wrong but they make it so hard to get any type of testing done. It all revolves around money. They don't want to pay for a test. Every decision is made around money and for a guy like me who never goes to medical, they should do the right thing and send me to the hospital for an MRI. But on average it takes about 2 years to get that approved. Anyway, before I sigh off for this week, I want to share something that made me feel pretty good inside. To all of those who are reading this, that bought my daughter a Christmas present, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and I am indebted to you. Krista's social worker, Hannah, sent me a card that I would like to share. She writes:

"Dear Robert,
I wanted to thank you for reaching out to so many people who sent cards, gift cards, and presents to Krista for Christmas. I thought of you as her face lit up as she opened each and evey envelope and present. She and Tanya (her social worker through children & family services) will go out to buy gifts for Krista witht he money and gift cards soon. You really made her holiday very special. I just wanted to thank you again for reaching out to so many people and making your daughter's Christmas so special (even though she didn't get to open her until 12-30). In all the time I have known her, I have not see her as happy as she was yesterday when she was opening each card and present."

That right there was worth going without everything I needed &/or wanted for the past month. I so desperately wanted my little girl to finally have a happy Christmas. And so many good people helped make that happen. I could not have done it without them. Thank You's all. Take care and let's try to enjoy the new year. Even though I might be locked in a cell for the next 30 days, I don't plan on letting that derail me from growing and changing my life the best I can. Ciao.