Just Another Day In Prison

May 6, 2014: 7:05am: Listening to: "Nobody" by the Tony Rich Project.
Good morning, my thoughts are all over the place right now and I wish I
had a computer so that I could respond to everyone's comments right away
but it takes a little but of time since everything has to be done by mail.
Right now I am worried about my step mom Sandy. She is in the hospital
with heart problems and she has already had open heart surgery before
and now continues to have issues. So I am worried and quietly praying
for her. I just found my sisters and their mom and I am in no way ready
to lose any of them. It's a beautiful day outside at only 7am. The birds
chirping, the sun is out, and it looks like it will be a beautiful day.
But I am busy working on my fund raiser sale for our church organization.
I didn't think it would be approved but I tried anyway and were blown
away when the prison administration said yes. I chose 24 items from a
wholesale company and we are selling the food items to the prison populations,
at a very small mark-up, in order to raise money for St. Vincent De Paul
Society. This charity helps anyone. I've seen this charity take $500 from
their account and go pay someone's electrical bill just because it was
going to be shut off and they needed the help. They are really good
people and for all of the bad I've done in my life, I'd want to make
up for or atone for my past. But more importantly, I wanna help people.
So if I can help raise $500-1000 to help this charity, I will. The same
has only been going on for a week and my workers have me about $600 in
total sales right now. Sales usually pick up in here the last week,
everyone waits till the last minute, so I know I will get a lot more
towards the end of the month. Money is always an issue in here. 19 cents
an hour doesn't go far in any economy. But for the guys who get money sent
to them from family and friends, that sometimes takes 3 weeks. But the end
result is what I'm looking forward to. This Sunday is Mother's Day. I sent
out 10 Mother's Day cards. My daughters hurting and upset that she has no
mother so I told her to make sure she calls her grand mom on mothers day.
It's hard telling a 16 year old that her mother doesn't care about her.
You have to do it gently and in a way that doesn't hurt her anymore than
she already is. She is fragile but she is so smart and I trust Hannah to
keep guiding Krista in the right direction. I was able to call my daughter
this past Sunday and she really wants to come and spend a little time with
my parents this summer. I don't know if children and family services will
allow that or not but I hope so. Krista needs time with her family. And my
family needs time with her. It's just more difficult since she's in Cleveland
and my parents are 6+ hours away. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to have
a visit with Krista but I really hope so. Not seeing your own child isn't easy,
not being able to help her or be there for her. When she sits there and cries,
it kills me inside I know this entry doesn't make much sense today, I just have
a lot on my mind. Monday, May 12, will be 8 years since I lost my Nonna (Grandmom).
We were very close. I miss her so much. Tuesday May 13, my little sister Lisa will
turn 23 in Italy. And on May 26 is Memorial Day. A day to remember our fallen soldiers.
If it means more than that, I am unaware of it. But that's what it means to me.
I don't personally know anyone who gave their lives in combat, or in military
branch, but they are truly brave hero's who should be honored and remembered.
at 37 years old I would say I would fight for this country but when it comes
to it, am I man enough to actually do it? Physically I could pass any physical
fitness any military branch gives out. Maybe not special forces, a lot of that
is team work and really brutal training. Mentally, I'm not sure I could endure
their training. right now I'm still sick so I couldn't handle any training. This
prison doesn't believe in fresh air. It's over 80 degrees and they keep the
windows shut. There are probably 600+ people who are sick with either the flu
or a cold virus and since the average guy makes less than $20 a month working, most
will not go to medical and pay $15 for medicine for their cold. So the germs and
virus spread and normally half the prison gets sick. I'm on day #10 of being sick.
Almost gone, I hope. Well I guess I'll stop boring you's to death for today. I hope
you're still reading Heather+J and I hope I hear from you soon. you have had me very
curious as to who you are. I asked my mom but she doesn't have any of my old class
pictures from when I was little. I went through all of her old photo albums and gave
them all to Justine when we lived together. So after she was buried I'm sure her parents
trashed them all. I was trying to get an old one so I could see who you were, and see
if I remember, before I hear from you again. Anyway, happy Mother's Day to all the moms,
I hope everyone has a nice Memorial Day holiday and enjoy time with your family. Take care,
stay safe and God Bless. Ciao.