My Little Girl, My Hope, My Future

May 1, 2014: 7:30 pm: Listening to: Life Must Go On; by Alter Bridge

This song says it all. Life must go on. No matter what we do in life, no matter where we are, life must always go on. I have learned that the world does not revolve around me. I have learned that a parent's job in life is to do everything they can for their children. My daughter's social worker, Hannah, she is such an amazing woman that she sent me duplicates of some pictures. Today I sent some thank you cards to Hannah and her 2 bosses at their work, the Village Network. This place is amazing and they have done so much for my family. I don't like being indebted to people, I like to return favors or help people out for helping me so I told them all, if I can ever do anything, I will gladly help. My mom told me on the phone today that when they went to visit Krista on Good Friday, they were walking around the residential center where Krista currently is and Krista told all the people she knew, "My family came to visit me today." And my mom said Krista was so happy and filled with pride. It breaks my heart that I will never see my daughter outside of this place but meeting her grandmom and uncle is huge. Now she knows she has a family who loves her and that physical contact with them was very important. If anyone would like to see the pictures, my brother should have put them on either my Facebook page or his (Justin Pezzeca) by now. I wrote a poem once, I can't remember the title but a part of what I do remember went like this:

Life can be so lonely, so cruel
Lonely, like an abandoned swimming pool
Empty, without the hint of a wave
Lonely & flowerless, just like a grave.

I wrote that after Justine died because that's how I felt. Alone. But that's also how my daughter felt. So having her family in her life now, this means the world to me. Knowing that she has a family who loves her is different for her. But it's still difficult since most of us live far away from her but my long-lost sisters that Hannah found for me, they live an hour from Krista so I pray that they can form a lifelong bond with Krista and get to know their niece and for Krista to know & love my sisters. My life still feels lonely at times, & I still do feel completely alone some days but I know that life isn't just about me. My daughter's future is more important. I missed out on my child's life, so now, as I try to help her, I will treasure whatever future with her I can have. I could not imagine growing up and not having my mom in my life. She has always been there for me and I have an amazing mom. And it scares me to death that my mom will be having brain surgery in the fall in order to hopefully rid her of having anymore seizures. This is pretty scary for me so I can only imagine what it will be for her. She has overcome so much in life, more than I could have. One thing I have loved since birth is music. I grew up on Pink Floyd and as a little kid I loved Pink Floyd's The Wall. I still have my love for music and that is why I will end this for now. One of my favorite bands is "Breaking Benjamin" and their CD "Dear Agony" just came on. Anyone who hasn't heard of this group, go to any music site on the Internet and listen to a couple songs. My favorites are: Diary of Jane: Rain: Breathe: Until the End: Anthem of the Angels: Without You: Dear Agony: Fade Away: Crawl: I Will Not Bow. They are an excellent rock group but some of their songs have a softer side, like Breathe & Rain.

And Woody1, if you are reading this, I love the group "We Are the Fallen" I was told that they are the broken up Evanescence members without the lead singer Amy Lee. Hit me up & let me know. Thanx Woody.

Some of my favorite groups are: Pink Floyd: Journey: 5 Finger Death Punch: Halestorm: Egypt Central: In This Moment (you gotta love female rock singers), Genesis: Another Lost Year: The Cranberries: Smashing Pumpkins: Fly Leaf: Red: Lincoln Park: Adele (yeah, that girl can sing): The Letter Black: Otherwise: Metallica: Within Temptation: Fireflight: Non Point: Stone Sour: Disturbed: Rise Against. Well I could go on and on for a lot more lines but you get the picture. Hope I didn't bore you's to death. Thanx for reading and I look forward to hearing from you. If my blog is too boring, I'm open to suggestions. I think getting feedback is very important. You have questions for me, about me, about prison, about whatever, feel free to ask. My last thought is this, millions of dogs are killed every year at the ASPCA. They just can't keep them all. If anyone is interested in a puppy, or an already trained dog, go visit your local ASPCA. Believe me, it is worth it. The love you get from an animal that you saved is priceless. I'm sick of seeing living creatures killed just because we can, or because they are less than we are, or because of money. A man killed his girlfriend's infant baby. He punched the baby to death, he was given 6-12 years. That baby's life was worth 6 years, it amazes me how people get away with raping and/or murdering children and most of them get very little prison time. I say a prayer for that baby and I don't even know his name. But all children go to God. Take care and God bless. I am wishing every mother out there a wonderful and blessed Mother's Day. All moms are special (: Ciao.