REPLY ID: cgyh

July 12, 2015: 11:00am: Listening to: "For You" By: All That Remains

Dear Blaine,
Hi, it was nice to hear from you. I will begin with I have no idea what most songs lyrics mean. Sometimes I just love the music. I'm a big music lover & I am trying to save up as much money as I can in order to buy the JPay tablet that will allow us to download overpriced music. The tablet will be $150 & we heard the music is $1.80 per song. Not cheap. The company & D.O.C. will make millions in profits doing this. JPay is a horrible company. Always overcharging prisoners & our families/friends.
I was no volunteer on the streets but I've done so much wrong in my life, I don't just owe it to society to do more, I owe it to myself. I have spent the last few years trying to help raise money for donating to society. There's only so much that we can do though, we make 19 cents an hour working in here & if you have no one to send you money, you are in trouble. So fundraising is not easy sometimes. I am definitely proud of the person I have grown to become, but I'm still not where I know I can be in life. I can be better then I am now. Some days Blaine, I am tired. Just like the New Horizon song, so you're tired but you're alive. I might be alive but some days I feel empty, dead inside. I'm like every other lifer in prison, we all want another chance. But we probably won't get it. No matter how good I do, how much change I make, I am still seen as the person I was when I was 21. I was a kid with an attitude problem & I thought I knew everything. So here I sit. I don't have the opportunities that older lifers had 20 years ago. They used to be able to go to school, college, for free & earn real degrees. That's not an option for us anymore, not unless you have a wealthy family member or friend who is willing to foot the costs. I don't have that so I'll never be able to utilize those opportunities.
You're from Illinois, Chicago seems to be on the news a lot lately. Very gang infested area. I live with gangs in here but I avoid them. Makes life easier that way.
Most people don't fully realize what prisoners do for people on the outside. Read some more of what I write. Read about the puppy program. Where prisoners are paid 19 cents an hour to train dogs as assistance dogs for sick, elderly, or medically needed citizens. I take photo's with them (the dogs) for my mom. Puts a smile on her face. My mom has been fighting A.M.L. for almost a year now & she just seems to be getting worse. So my world is a nightmare right now. Well I hate to cut you short but it's time for Catholic mass & that's what helps hold me together right now. Take care, thanx for reading. Hope to hear from you again. We can discuss whatever. God bless, ciao.