April 1, 2016

Remembering My Love

From Prison Dad by Robert Pezzeca (author's profile)


Remembering My Love

March 8, 2016: Listening to: "The Sound of Silence" by: Disturbed

As I sit here listening to my favorite group, I remember my Justine. My heart aches, my eyes are filled with tears and I continue to blame myself. Justine was 5 feet tall, 100 pounds, so beautiful, so full of life, love, she was the most compassionate person I have ever known. Justine loved when I would try to speak Italian to her, my Italian is not very good. So I write this thinking of her.
"Una vera buona moglie e il tesoro piu prezioso che un uoma possa trovare"
Everyday I look at photos of her and think of what could have been. Life isn't easy but I did this to myself. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had just called 911 and told them what happened from the very beginning instead of making it worse for everyone involved.
I had to stop. I just felt like I had no words to express my sadness. It is 9 later now, March 17. If "Maggie" and "dharip" are reading this, please forgive me for not responding to your comments in January. I was just informed of their existence and I just explained to "BTB" that I never received them. So please forgive me for not responding, I don't want the people who send me comments to feel neglected or ignored. I feel that a lot. But there is a glimmer of hope in my life. The U.S. Supreme Court recently ruled that juveniles cannot be sentenced to life in prison. So the next step is to get that applied to anyone under the age of 25. They used the science from world renowned scientists that a child's mind is not fully developed until 25 years old. So over 50,000 men and women are now fighting for this to be applied to them. I don't know how many people are sentenced to die in prison, but probably well over 100,000 in the U.S.A. alone. There's over 5,000 just in Pennsylvania.
My friend AJ bought me a tablet. It cost him $150 and they sell us this because they do not want us to have radios anymore and it has a radio built into it. But we can also use it for e-mail. But this is a prison system and nothing is free, please remember that the prison system is the biggest business in America. Also one of the most profitable too. Anything and everything costs money in here, only problem, they pay us pennies to work. Prison is modern day slavery, and it does not discriminate. They charge us $.25 to send each e-mail and there is a limit of 2,000 characters. So they cannot be very long. Anyone wishing to send me an e-mail must go to: "www.connectnetwork.com" and read up on how to do it. (we have no internet access)
I came across a song I really like, called "Gravedigger" by Dave Matthews. I don't think I have lived a life that I deserve to be remembered for. I have asked that I be cremated, have someone dig a hole at my Justine's grave and dump me in. I don't want much.
Lent is coming to an end. I made quite a few promises to myself, I broke 2 of them. No cookies and no cakes. Someone gave me 2 freshly made chocolate peanut butter cookies and a cinnamon roll, so there goes those 2 but I did pretty good. I spent the 40 days getting to know myself and Jesus a bit better. When I do something now, I ask myself, is this something to be proud of? And if not, I avoid it. I still make mistakes but I am trying, learning, and growing. My younger brother recently found out that his girl was cheating on him. He loves this girl so much. He's heartbroken right now. But he is determined to continue to take care of her because they have a 4 year old together. Well, Baby Lucy will be 4 this weekend. I love that kid. I call her My Little Monster. When they come to see me, I say to her, come here you Lil' Monster, she gets up, runs to me and jumps in my arms.
My nephew Ronnie (remember this name, Ronald Garrison Jr.), he has been offered full scholarships to play basketball to a few colleges. I am so proud of him. I dream of seeing my little nephew in the NCAA tournament. He's good, and in college, he'll only get better. I'll write him after I print and remind him how proud of him I am. He's finishing the 11th grade so he has 1 more year.
I woke up 2 nights ago and found a huge spider by my face. Well, I'm laughing right now because men tend to think that the more weight they can lift, the more manly they are. Well, here's my numbers for the power lift everyone:
Bench Press: 305 lbs.
Deadlift: 375 lbs.
Squat: 325 lbs.
I made sure I didn't just reach 1,000 pounds, I wanted to surpass it. I am 160 pounds lifting that. I can lift over 1,000 combined pounds in my lifts but when it comes to spiders, I'm like a lil' girl. I want someone to come kill it for me. So, I got 5 hair nets from the kitchen and sewed them together to make a homemade screen for my window to keep the bugs and creepy crawlies out.
Well, I guess I have bored you's long enough. I want to write Ronnie before I go to bed. Take care, spring is here, get out and enjoy it. Drop me a line sometime. God Bless.
Happy Easter, Ciao


Replies (10) Replies feed

meaganbrown2524 Posted 3 years, 1 month ago. ✓ Mailed 3 years, 1 month ago   Favorite
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post.

bluvsu2 Posted 3 years, 1 month ago. ✓ Mailed 3 years, 1 month ago   Favorite
I am sorry you feel neglected, no one should ever feel that way. I have guilt for neglecting my inmate, my soulmate, the one who makes me a better person every day.

I don't know who Justine is but I am willing to bet that if she is still on this earth, she also thinks of you and the what if. If she is no longer with us, she is watching you from above.

I hope you find that friend who can be there for you. I also that you are allowed to be given a second chance. I agree a child's brain is not fully developed until 25 and that is just a guide line. The day we turned 25 our brains did not say okay we are done growing.

Wishing you lots of luck.


Robert Pezzeca Posted 3 years ago.   Favorite
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Anne Posted 3 years ago. ✓ Mailed 3 years ago   Favorite
Lol, that's so typical men!! You're so tough and big-mouthed, but when a cute lil spider comes by to say hi, you're about to die.. lol tehee :-D
Although I have to admit, I'm not afraid of spiders, but I sure don't want to share bed with them, lol.
Hey listen, I'm sorry about your girl Justine - I've read some of your posts, and you're mentioning her quite often, so it's obvious you loved her. I don't know what to say, nothing will ease the pain you're feeling.
I've responded and made comments to a couple of posts of yours, but I haven't read it all. But I encourage you to keep on writing, it's a great way to occupy your mind and to deal with things. :-)
Stay strong!

Robert Pezzeca Posted 3 years ago.   Favorite
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Robert Pezzeca Posted 2 years, 11 months ago.   Favorite
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Anne Posted 2 years, 11 months ago. ✓ Mailed 2 years, 11 months ago   Favorite
Hi Rob - and thanx for your respond.
Nooo, you're so wrong!! If I advertise on a dating site that I'm not afraid of spiders, I wouldn't have any guys lined up to date me - it's not cute to be tougher than the guy, you know.. lol, just picture this: a cute lil spider comes towards us, I smash the spider while the guy standing on the chair screaming - haha. Not very macho, eh? lol. Tho, I would probably save the spider, carry it outside - not smash the cute lil thing, tehee :-D
Regarding your questions - no, you didn't responded to any of my comments, so I guess you didn't got them somehow. Of course, I could write you a letter, but I recon you need someone on your own age, and not an old goat, haha.
How I found you? Well, I'm actually on here to read someone else's blogposts, and while I'm already here I sometimes use to read others, too - and one of those times, I read one of yours. I believe I continued reading because you seem honest, you're quite open about your crime, and that's actually kinda refreshing. Too many are just denying, trying to blame others, etc - but you're open about it. You've obviously grown, and I hope you continue that way. You're still young, and better times will come. You just need to hang in there, you know. Be your best, do your best - try to put on a smile as often as you can, even it's not always that easy.
Losing someone always hurts, it will hurt our entire life, but we find ways to continue. I lost both my parents, first my mum, then my dad only two months later - man, I was devastated! It's a few years ago now, but it still hurts too much thinking about them. That's life. But I hear you, Rob, you're in there, never got to say goodbye to anyone, it's heartbreaking and hard to deal with. I feel for you. But you know - think about this, you're not alone, I'm here in Europe, and have read your story, how about that? :-)
Well, I better end my comment, you're probably tired reading, lol. Just stay strong and positive, never give up, ok. Ever!

Take good care!

Robert Pezzeca Posted 2 years, 11 months ago.   Favorite
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Robert Pezzeca Posted 2 years, 7 months ago.   Favorite
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bluvsu2 Posted 2 years, 6 months ago. ✓ Mailed 2 years, 6 months ago   Favorite
Hi Rob:
First off I am so sorry. I don't know how I missed your reply to me. But I did read it today 10/28/2016. Yeah over 6 months ago. I suck!

Sorry to hear about your mom and pray for both of you. I am happy to hear your daughter is in your life and pray for her well being also.
Never did I think you were using the brain statement as an excuse. I agree with you, as a mother of a now 25 year old. I am seeing my son finally "GET IT" to a certain point.

As far as the other half. I agree he needs to be reminded that he is a man and loved. We have had some ups and downs these last 6 months. There have been a lot of changes. And those changes in my life effected us both. I do everything I can to help make his time easier. But as I tell him I also have to take care of things here. I am the only one taking care of both of us, and I do help my son when he needs it. I often put both of them before me. Which is not always a good thing either. Reading your reply to me, made me realize that I am all he has. Even though he has family they really don't do much for him.

So tomorrow I am going to surprise him and go see him. It's been 6 months and he will be so surprised and happy. And now I am like a kid at Christmas and can't sleep.

P.S. That picture to him, is never gonna happen. I will send him pictures but I am careful about what I send. I don't trust people enough to make sure it does not get in the wrong hands.


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