Remembering My Love

March 8, 2016: Listening to: "The Sound of Silence" by: Disturbed

As I sit here listening to my favorite group, I remember my Justine. My heart aches, my eyes are filled with tears and I continue to blame myself. Justine was 5 feet tall, 100 pounds, so beautiful, so full of life, love, she was the most compassionate person I have ever known. Justine loved when I would try to speak Italian to her, my Italian is not very good. So I write this thinking of her.
"Una vera buona moglie e il tesoro piu prezioso che un uoma possa trovare"
Everyday I look at photos of her and think of what could have been. Life isn't easy but I did this to myself. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had just called 911 and told them what happened from the very beginning instead of making it worse for everyone involved.
I had to stop. I just felt like I had no words to express my sadness. It is 9 later now, March 17. If "Maggie" and "dharip" are reading this, please forgive me for not responding to your comments in January. I was just informed of their existence and I just explained to "BTB" that I never received them. So please forgive me for not responding, I don't want the people who send me comments to feel neglected or ignored. I feel that a lot. But there is a glimmer of hope in my life. The U.S. Supreme Court recently ruled that juveniles cannot be sentenced to life in prison. So the next step is to get that applied to anyone under the age of 25. They used the science from world renowned scientists that a child's mind is not fully developed until 25 years old. So over 50,000 men and women are now fighting for this to be applied to them. I don't know how many people are sentenced to die in prison, but probably well over 100,000 in the U.S.A. alone. There's over 5,000 just in Pennsylvania.
My friend AJ bought me a tablet. It cost him $150 and they sell us this because they do not want us to have radios anymore and it has a radio built into it. But we can also use it for e-mail. But this is a prison system and nothing is free, please remember that the prison system is the biggest business in America. Also one of the most profitable too. Anything and everything costs money in here, only problem, they pay us pennies to work. Prison is modern day slavery, and it does not discriminate. They charge us $.25 to send each e-mail and there is a limit of 2,000 characters. So they cannot be very long. Anyone wishing to send me an e-mail must go to: "www.connectnetwork.com" and read up on how to do it. (we have no internet access)
I came across a song I really like, called "Gravedigger" by Dave Matthews. I don't think I have lived a life that I deserve to be remembered for. I have asked that I be cremated, have someone dig a hole at my Justine's grave and dump me in. I don't want much.
Lent is coming to an end. I made quite a few promises to myself, I broke 2 of them. No cookies and no cakes. Someone gave me 2 freshly made chocolate peanut butter cookies and a cinnamon roll, so there goes those 2 but I did pretty good. I spent the 40 days getting to know myself and Jesus a bit better. When I do something now, I ask myself, is this something to be proud of? And if not, I avoid it. I still make mistakes but I am trying, learning, and growing. My younger brother recently found out that his girl was cheating on him. He loves this girl so much. He's heartbroken right now. But he is determined to continue to take care of her because they have a 4 year old together. Well, Baby Lucy will be 4 this weekend. I love that kid. I call her My Little Monster. When they come to see me, I say to her, come here you Lil' Monster, she gets up, runs to me and jumps in my arms.
My nephew Ronnie (remember this name, Ronald Garrison Jr.), he has been offered full scholarships to play basketball to a few colleges. I am so proud of him. I dream of seeing my little nephew in the NCAA tournament. He's good, and in college, he'll only get better. I'll write him after I print and remind him how proud of him I am. He's finishing the 11th grade so he has 1 more year.
I woke up 2 nights ago and found a huge spider by my face. Well, I'm laughing right now because men tend to think that the more weight they can lift, the more manly they are. Well, here's my numbers for the power lift everyone:
Bench Press: 305 lbs.
Deadlift: 375 lbs.
Squat: 325 lbs.
I made sure I didn't just reach 1,000 pounds, I wanted to surpass it. I am 160 pounds lifting that. I can lift over 1,000 combined pounds in my lifts but when it comes to spiders, I'm like a lil' girl. I want someone to come kill it for me. So, I got 5 hair nets from the kitchen and sewed them together to make a homemade screen for my window to keep the bugs and creepy crawlies out.
Well, I guess I have bored you's long enough. I want to write Ronnie before I go to bed. Take care, spring is here, get out and enjoy it. Drop me a line sometime. God Bless.
Happy Easter, Ciao