Have You Lost Your Identity?
Let's Find It

We all were created uniquely for a purpose.

But what happens when you don't feel that you are worth nothing because somebody spoke negatively in your life? What happens when you get into an accident that causes you to be disabled or disfigured? What happens when your mate cheats on you? What happens when your parents tell you they didn't want you, you was mistake? What happens when you have been thrown into a group or even foster home because you're not welcome into your biological family because Momma or Daddy was on drugs? What happens when you lose your job, home, family, church, business, etc.? What happens when your mom or dad wanted a boy instead of a girl, and they treated you as if you were a boy? Both instances the girls always dress like a boy, the boy always puts on girls' dresses. What happens when you were violated as a person or child?

Our minds get caught up in what we have encountered or are encountering. Psychologically our minds become paralyzed by what we went through. Then we have this cycle of pain on the inside that nobody understands how it feels. You get over into self-pity. Next then you know, you are looking for acceptance in the wrong places in the wrong ways because you want to ease that pain.

I remember when my second child's father cheated on me. Psychologically, I was torn up on the inside with pain. I lost my identity that I was a beautiful lady. That somebody would have truly loved me in the right way. So I began to sleep with any man. Did I have feelings for them? No. I lost my identity in the pain I was feeling.

Today, I am seeing a lot of people in the world lose their identity in the pain of their circumstances or past trauma(s). Many of you feel like nobody cares about you, and what you have been through or going through. So you lost your identity to drugs, swinging, killing, stealing, gangs, homosexuality, prostitution and transgender.

The identity you have chose is not you. A lot of people are choosing the wrong identity because they are caught up in the pain of the past and want to be accepted. This era reminds me of the Woodstock—heavy drugs, sex, rock and roll, flower children, and hippies. Everybody would want to be accepted because they felt unworthy, wanted to fit in, and wanted to be cool. Because of those three points, people did heavy drugs. Had wild sex. They lost their identity in those things.

I want to tell you a story about my friend. His name was Bobbie. Bobbie used to go to the church with us all the time. He was funny, outgoing—man, just fun to be around. I enjoy every second being in his presence. But I didn't know our friend had an identity crisis going on.

So one night, he said, "I always go to the club and house parties with y'all." He said, "I want you all to go to the club with me in Philly."
With my analytical self, I said, "Yo, man. What kind of club is it?"
Bobbie said, "You want the truth?"
I said, "Yeah, man."
He said, "It's a gay club."
So I said, "That means you are gay."
Bobbie said, "You're not going to judge or dislike me?"
I said, "Nah, yo!"
He said, "Yes."

My heart dropped in my panties. Why? Because Bobbie was a fly Latino brother. Could have had any woman he wanted. My cousin already knew he was gay. In our family, we believe in not betraying a person's trust. I understood why my cousin didn't tell me.

On the way to Philly, I got into a deep conversation with Bobbie. Bobbie began to tell me how his Ma wanted a girl so bad till she didn't acknowledge he was a boy. She would dress him up in little girl dresses. So this psychologically scarred him. Then Bobbie began to share with me that he was in the process of getting his sex changed. He had already started the hormone shots. He said he was going to change his name to Barbara. By me, talking to Bobbie, I understood that he had been messed up mentally by his own Ma.

When I got to the gay club, there was a lot of lesbians and gay men. Some men were dressed in their regular clothes. Some were dressed up like ladies. Then you had the butch women dressed up like men. Then you had the girlie gay women. Am I gay? No.

We have to know why a person chose the path they chose when I say there was good-looking men and women all over the club. What came to mind was: what happened to these individuals that made them go down this path?

As the end of the night approached the closing time for the club in Philly was announced over the microphone. We couldn't leave because some of the people out of the club were shot. Bobbie explains to me that many of the Philly(s) don't like gay people. That's why you didn't just let anybody know you was gay. I was sadden to know that people were so hateful to kill someone because they were gay. We stayed in the club a long time because so many were shot.

I was reading in Essence the article for this month titled Addressing the Epidemic of Violence Against Black Transwomen. My question was what happened to this young man Elisha Walker that made him wanting to change his sex to a transgender instead of his mother finding out what happened to her child's psychology. She was busy judging. The magazine said basically she was raised in a military family and her dad was a minister at a condemnational church. It said Elisha had dreams of becoming famous, waffling between a career in music and film. Her assigned sex at birth was male and in 2013, when she graduated from high school a semester early, Walker began identifying as a transgender, wearing women's clothing and hair extensions.

The change caused tension between Walker and her mom. Walkter's truth was in conflict with Alexander's fear. At the time, Alexander struggled to accept Walker's identity. As a mom, Mrs. Alexander should have took her son to counseling. Set down and talk to him to find out why he chose the route he did.

I might not like what route Bobbie chose. God allowed Bobbie to be on this earth for a purpose. He is somebody special in my book. When I go home to New Jersey, I am going to find him, spend some time with her now.

We can help a person find themselves by loving them. You don't have to accept their choices. But it's better to get to know them for who they have chose to be at the moment and why they chose that particular pathway.

I've been reading on the word "mistreated"—to treat in harmful or disrespectful manner. I was raised up in church and was engaged with a lot of people in the communities. People will judge. There is a lot of people in our communities who need to be counseled. There has been deep scarring that caused them to lose their identity. We're going to help them by expressing our love through kindness and generosity. That makes them want to do better. Some people don't know good in them because they were told the opposite.

I want to leave you with this positive thought I was reading in my Bible this week. Ex 22:21 God warned the Israelites not to treat Aliens unfairly because they themselves were once strangers in Egypt. It's not easy coming into a new environment where you feel alone and out of place. Are there strangers in your corner of the world? Refugees? New arrivals at school? Immigrants from another country? Be sensitive to their struggles and express your love through your kindness and generosity.

I love the LGBT community. Y'all are somebody special.

We have to always remember there is always reason why people choose the path they have chosen. LGBT community, you got to find your purpose as to why God has you here on this earth. A lot of you have testimony that can help the next person. Don't be ashamed to tell it. You can bless so many people.

Written by
Jennifer Johnson