Reply ID: hvui

July 27, 2016, 4: 00 PM, Listening to Strangers in The Night by Frank Sinatra

Dear Jamie,

I listen to Frank Sinatra because he reminds me of my nonno (grandpop). He was a very good man who I wish I had turned out like.

Hi, Jamie. Well, your name is common among men & women, so I do not know which one you are. Sorry if this is short, but this is my first time hearing from you. I hope it's not the last time.

You said it's hard to decide a punishment for someone who killed someone else. My landlord wanted to have sex with me. Problem was I had a fiancée & he was a man. The only physical thing he did to me was punch me 1 time. He was 5+ inches taller than me at my 5'9", 160 lbs. He was at least 100 pounds heavier than me. I was 21 years old. I hit him with a hammer 2 times. Regardless of what the pathologist said, I hit him twice. The 2nd time killed him. Out of fear, panic, & after talking to my cousin, it was decided that I get rid of the body. So I dismembered him & began covering up my crime.

I was a 21 year old kid who had spent most of my life already in jails, I had an attitude problem, a huge chip on my shoulder, I believed I was better than everyone. I had no real conscience, no real compassion for anyone other than my own family. I didn't care about hurting people. I was a miserable person who thought the world was against me & out to get me. I am no saint, I am no model prisoner, but I grew up. I grew a heart, a conscience, I found compassion, I feel guilt, regrets, things I have never felt before. Didn't know I was capable of feeling like this. I have helped raise many thousands upon thousands of dollars for charity (I was President & Executive Board Member of the Jaycees for 5 years). Google "Jaycees" & if you don't know who they are, it will show you. I ran the "Altar Rock" chapter.

Anyway, I am on my road to being a better human being, a better man. If it were your decision, what would it take for you to grant me a second change at life in the outside? I have been here 18 years, no next month. My mom is dying, my fiancée killed herself but her killer was never charged. My daughter lives without a father. What would you need to see in me or from me to ever get out again? I'd be very interested in knowing that.

Well, you take care. I have to respond to some miserable woman who has been putting me down for a year now. Drop me a line & let me know what you think about what I said. Feel free to ask me what you might need to know. Would my childhood matter? My teenage years? You decide. God bless. Ciao.

PS: I am not trying to take away from the brutality of my crime. But society doesn't seem to care about why did this happen, why was I abandoned as a young teen by society. People forget that the system plays a crucial role in how a lot of us turn out. Society gave up on me when I was still just a child. I never really had a chance. So when I finally grew up to be a good man, why do I have to rot in here? Let me out when I am too old to do anything positive. If i can be redeemed, if I am salvageable, why not release me when I can still make a difference? Just something to think about.