Reply ID: 76kt

Sept. 16, 2016; 11:00 am; Watching CNN News

Dear Cavak,

Hi. I got your comments 2 nights ago. Thank you. I changed cells yesterday so I spent from 1 pm to 4 pm scrubbing it clean before moving into it. Some guys are filthy in here, and no one enforces hygiene so you just have to put up with guys who just don't care.

Thank you for the addresses. I will be writing them all. I just got my daughter's phone number so I will add it to my list. Only problem is we can't add numbers until the 1st of a new month, and then it takes up to 30 days to be activated. So I won't be able to call until late Oct. I will miss her birthday for the first time since I knew she was mine. I have no address to send a card. ):

I can't believe my little monster is going to be 19. I still remember the first day I met her. She was so shy for about the first hour, then she opened right up and we spent the next few hours playing together. My father gave up on me when I was born; I won't give up on her.

I have written to the Prison Society many years ago. Since Krista is an out of state child (she lives in Ohio), they wouldn't get involved. But I'm told she reads my blog. So I'll send her a message through this.

Trying to be a parent when you don't know how is so hard. I wish there was some help. But she's almost 19, and I'm in here for taking someone's life so no one really wants to help. And I can understand, but I'm not the only one who suffers. A little girl who never really had parents is the one who suffers more, I think.

I'm trying to learn how to forgive, not to hate. Not to have hatred in my heart for people. But it truly is not easy. So much of me wants to help people, but sometimes I wonder why. What's the point? But I won't stop trying to be a better man. I won't stop trying to be someone I can be proud of.

Take care of yourself, and I look forward to your comments. God bless. Ciao.