Reply I.D. > jkwj

Response to Alyssa's Questions About How Prison Affects Mens' Treatment of Women created 13 Jan. '17 by Nate A. Lindell, WSPF P.O. Box 9900 Boscobel, WI 53B05

Thank you Alyssa for opening this can of worms. I'll grab the fastest crawling subjects first, wiggle 'em at ya & explain them in the appropriately inappropriate tone your lone winky smiling emoji suggests to my hypersensitive libido that you want.
However, I run a tit for testicle operation - I'll rub yours if you rub mine. So at the end of this you'll find some non-$ ways to 'Pay the Honkie!" for writing this for you. Keep in mind my situation...

1. You Can't Generalize

If you research you are doing is for a college/university, you already know this. Human sexuality exists on a three-dimensional spectrum:

[+ shaped chart]

John Wayne (top)
Elton John (gay)
Elvis (straight)
George Michael (gay, power bottom)
Rue Paul? (Bottom)
(Depth would be libido strength)

something beyond or clarifying Masters + Johnson's study on human sexuality. Each cultural group & each member of a cultrual group is idiosyncratic in their sexual orientation.
I must assume that you're concerned with the "typical" heterosexual man in prison, which I'll keep this focused on. I will, however, touch on gay + bi-sexual men's reactions to lack of female company.

2. Some Ways Men Deal With Women's Absence in Prison

a) Misogynists
Some men don't care for - i.e. have either empathy or sympathy for women - women; for example, pimps, macks, wife beaters, rapists, cho-mos. For such "men," or males, the absence of women may merely be the absence of a potential victim. For sexual release they can go gay for the stay or jerk off. For release of their misogynist needs they may find a weaker prisoner to belittle & control.
Obviously I'm prejudiced against this group, so I can't fairly analyze them. They may have an inkling of love for women, or the potential, thus be rehabilitatible. My instinct, though, is to exterminate them, without all the cumbersome procedures used by the state.
The "worst" forms of these types of men are rare. But milder versions - e.g. lonely-heart scammers - are easy to find in prison.
Keep in mind, as I'll explain, there are women in men's prisons - staff.

b) Gay for the stayers
Now here's where some readers are gonna call me racist & shut off their brains, although what I'm going to say is easily verifiable.
At least in the WI and U.S. prison system, it is so rare that I can't give any certain examples of white men going gay for the stay, openly. Of course I've met multiple gay White men. In U.S. Penitentiaries White men who ride with Whites will get beat off a yard - at a normal pen VS. one of the three "safe" pens - for acting gay, even saying they're gay. Midwest - based Black gangs like gangster disciples & vice lords also prohibit homosexual behavior. But the D.C. Blacks & dirty south cars (a "car" is a group, usually geographically or racially based) permit homosexuality & it's very common amongst them. Latino cars, as far as I know, all of them prohibit homosexual behavior with the

F.N 1 Look up California Prison Focus. I think prisons.org is their web-site. Search for an article from around 2005 or 2006, titled something like "Black Leadership Calls for Condoms to Be Provided in Prisons/Jails." The article says that Black men go gay for the stay, catch HIV, get out & spread it to black women, causing a genocide that prisons are responsible for because prisons don't provide condoms.
As also noted in the forementioned article, condoms are available in Mississippi prisons (a dirty south state) & N.Y. prisons &/or jails.

same ferocity as do White cars.
While I was in the Kansas City (Wyandotte County), Kansas Jail in '94 or '95, the hood Blacks openly chased "boys" (i.e. "bottoms," males who were sexually receptive/submissive), but no Whites did, nor Latinos.
I'm Dirty South state systems (e.g. Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi, Georgia, parts of Texas) it's outrageously common for men to go gay for the stay and outrageously uncommon for Blacks not to. (While I was at A.C.I. in 2013 a straight Black man told me of his experience in a Louisana Jail, where he was treated as a weirdo by other Blacks, beat & nearly gang-raped for not being gay for the stay.) However, despite the b.s. portrayed in American History X, White men with White nationalist ideologies &/or gang affiliations in Dirty South systems do not turn gay for the stay, which I know from corresponding with Aryan circle (A.C.) members in Louisiana's prison system & talking with White NAtionalistic gang members in the B.O.P./U.S. prison system. While in the B.O.P I did run into three White guys from the Dirty South who chased boys like girls chased Elvis.

c) Vaginahiles
1.Sex. Masturbation. Some keep it rustic, don't even use grease, rub one, three out a day. (Trying to do so on the D.L. with your cellie in the room in a fed pen is as good a way as any to get stabbed, beat with a rock or a couple locks in a bag...)
Some turn it into performance art, buy a silicone "pocket pussy" smuggled in by guards (pop art), or make a "fi-fi bag" outta plastic bags in a tightly rolled towel (folk art), greased up so as to not start a fire. The grotesque art form requires buying a chunk of liver or steak from kitchen staff... Me, I'm a simple man.
Some prisoners known as "gunners" masturbate in front of staff, some do in front of male staff. (This is another great way to get killed in a U.S. Pen, especially if the gunner is White or Hispanic, as those cars have stricter codes of conduct than other cars. A G.D. in the B.O.P. got his hand crushed in a steel door for masturbating while eye-raping a white female teacher, but that only happened because the white gangs told his shot-caller to deal with the creep or they'd go to war. The teacher was a good woman, actually trying to help prisoners, unlike some prison staff.)
Some staff - more than you'd think - incite inmates to masturbate in front of them. Several female staff came at me that way, which I shut down quick. Bitch better put a $20 in my undies or do the same thing I'm doing if she wants a show [smiley face drawing with devil horn and fangs]
Didn't encounter any White or Latino gunners in the B.O.P. Knew several Black gunners there.
In WI, I knew two, three White gunners, maybe six Latino gunners, and dozens of urban Black gunners. Not saying its a genetic thing, that Blacks are genetically inclined that way, but urban-Black culture obviously doesn't condemn it, and the fact that they're doing it at "White hos" plays a part too (racism of Blacks against Whites is common in prison).
I'm not saying that all Black or even all urban-Black prisoners are gunners or approve of it, but the ones who disapprove are not punishing the gunners, nor have I ever heard the disapprovers criticize the gunners. (I have heard Black prisoners, in WI, criticize & threaten Black prisoners for being homo- or transexual - see "the Gay Issue," posted on my blog 23 Sept. 2013) Out of disgust & because their gunning has led to trashy female staff assuming I'll "perform" for her (a very physically unsafe thought!), I've pointed out to gunners that staff already think we're all subhumans & that Black prisoners are monkies, which they're proving true by doing what anyone who's been to monkey island at a zoo (monkies won't go in water, so most zos use a moat...) has seen monkies do, which only got me accused of being a racist.

2. Psychological/Emotional Intimacy
We achieve/maintain this through phone calls, mails &/or visits. But some men are unwilling or unable to put in the work that is needed to create and maintain this form of intimacy. As I've repeatedly told a friend, horses only make two or three friends, which they remain.

F.N. 2 The Oct. 2016 issue of Men's Health, p.10, notes a study that found that talking on the phone eases more stress - i.e. is more enjoyable - for men than actual socializing in the flesh.

close with until death. The reason horses aren't friend sluts is because it takes a lot of mental/emotional resources to maintain friendships, real friendships, like sticking by your friend when he/she is ill or being chased by a wolf, something Facebook friends - ha! - will not do, most likely. If you have two or three real friends, you'll have all the love & support you need to make it through life; and you'll be able to focus on them, get deep, intimate.
Due to nature, nurture or probably both, some guys lack the social skills or self-esteem needed to achieve/maintain this type of intimacy - you can't accept that someone cares about or loves you if you don't care about or love yourself, a issue I have been unsuccessfully trying to help a friend with. It's such disordered personalities that get men put in prisons in the first place, and - surprise! surprise! - prisons can't/don't cure this with punishment & systematic dehumanization; in myriad ways, prisons worsen personality disorders (P.D.s) for all but the most aggressively self-activated (c'est moi!).
Some prisoners, such as myself, crave intimacy. For me, it has never lasted, people (my uncles, women) get bored or burned out. Spoon Jackson seems to be lamenting the difficulty of finding/fulfilling this intimacy in his poem, "I Knew This Would Happen," although he's making the problem worse by focusing on what he can't do rather than appreciating what he can do.
Loving, in any degree, someone in prison can be painful, as can be someone in prison loving someone who's free, especially if the prisoner is doing life, as Spoon is & I am. First it's hard to love anyone when you're dealing with systematic torture that's common in prisons (MMaglow's Hierarchy of Needs) and trying to walk prison political lines that can get you killed if you step off them, with no mercy. A prisoner who wants to deeply love someone outside will feel some pain over the fact

F.N. 3 For some examples of how prisons worsen P.D.s, see my posts from 2011 titled "Mad Max & me," parts 1-3 and "Survivor:Waupun Correctional Institution Seg. Unit," posted May 2013, etc., etc., etc.
F.N. 4 Look the poem up. I'd be stealing his copyrights if I wrote it out here.

his ability to express his love is limited: he can't hold the woman, can't eat a meal with her, watch Netflix & chill with her, can't stare into her eyes, and will have a hell of a time acting as a provider, one of the ways we instinctively want to show love.
This chokes me up just writing it, & may choke you up reading it but imagine how it would feel to consider these problems with someone in prison you actually knew & want to love?
Love hurts. But it's a pain that feels good, huh?
Some women do manage to have satisfying, healthy relationships with guys in prison, even lifers, e.g. the lady who married one of the Melendez brothers. Others, such as a girlfriend I had when I was first locked up, who became my fiancee, don't; they get depressed, socially isolate themselves & pine away listening to Carol King songs, end up hating the guy they once loved & going to college for a Psychology degree... :)
Anyway, there are women in prison, staff. And some men end up psychologically/emotionally intimate with such women. (5) Given that much of the Prison Industrial complex (P.I.C.) is driven by men's territorial and mating instincts - weak men use the system to knock out their perceived competitors, which happens fairly obviously within prisons when guards with justifiable little-dick complexes use their authority to put bigger-dicked men in solitary confinement, etc. - it's risky for a male prisoner to get tight with a female staff member. Even so, I've known women who seem to have got their jobs in prison solely for the purpose of finding a man or men, which I understand, given that there's so few virile, admirable men out there & women instinctively desire manly men, at least for mating purposes.
Voila desperate housewives, whom I have met while in prison.

3. Do Men Change From Not Being Around Women?

F.N. 5 See a post on my blog, "Beautiful Woman Therapy," posted July 2011. Just as truth will out, so will a man's need for psychological/emotional intimacy, even if sublimated.

a) We Are around Women
Nurses, psychs, guards, etc. In most prisons - every one I've been it - there are women staff. Although these women - guards in particular - are taught to objectify and mistrust us, some still all for prisoners.
Last year Pam Bartels, an ogress, was fired and criminally charged for having a full-blown relationship with a prisoner here, a Black guy from the hood. She admitted that he was her "boyfriend," that she smuggled him a cellphone so they could exchange Anthony-Wieneresque shots. As usual, the moron told his homies, who told Pam to either queef up some sloppy seconds and thirds or they'd tell. Crotchless panties and a slash in the seem of her slacks so her man could knock some tale off real quick were one thing, but Pam wouldn't pull a train. They told.

b) Harden their hearts
Of course some men develop emotional/sexual callouses to protect themselves from the pain of loneliness and sexlessness. A buddy down the way was like that, 'til I plugged him with a jail chick. (When women go to jail they go f-ing insane! The ones I've known go bi/les, get in fights over sexy letters from men, even/especially men in prison. They'd tear a man apart if he somehow found himself in their cell block!) Yes, it is common for men & women who are both locked up to pen-pal, -sometimes the relationships lasts after one or the other is released.
Guys who remain lonely for years, I'd expect them to have problems with healthy intimacy with women, as has been documented in the cases of great apes who experienced long periods of isolation. For whatever reason, those great apes didn't reach out socially, kept themselves at distances from their fellows. I suspect that simians, including humans, who experienced long periods of isolation from the opposite sex are scared of intimacy, scared: they'll lose the intimacy again, they'll fuck it up somehow (be too rough, not polite enough, etc), they'll be rejected.
Loneliness can become a pathological habit, an easy way out...

c) Hypersensitive, Desperate
Some men get more sensitive, desperate, may see a come-on sign that wasn't meant as such, or worry that they'll do so & thus ignore legit come-ons. It's a problem I deal with - I often wonder if I'm coming on too strong or not strong enough with a woman (like I give a fuck if she's staff or not, although there's no cherries here to pick. I'm selective in women I'm attracted to; she's gotta be smart, have a heart, be deep, loyal + sexiness helps. Sex-appeal/sexiness in a woman, to me, comes from how a woman carries herself, doesn't have shit to do with how big her boobs are, contrary to Trump's view.) I'm interested in. Although I've been locked up almost 20 years, I still won't even imagine having sex with a woman I'm not attracted to, such as any woman who watches men in prison masturbate or otherwise has a sick personality.
Women who get locked up always get romantically hypersensitive/desperate, which is why it's rare for them not to munch carpets while in prison. They make for great pen-pals, by the way. I'm writing one now, did several years ago, which is how I know this. (Only reason I'm writing the one now is because she's intelligent, has heart, writes poetry & isn't a career criminal/loser.)

d) Hyperaggressive
With no women to hump their aggression out on, some men get more aggressive. Sublimation: can't fuck, fuck someone up.
Socializing 7 sex are basic human drives. Both are suppressed for heterosexual men in prison. Thus it shouldn't surprise anyone, who's psychologically aware, that some men become neurotically violent. Freud's psychoanalysis was originally oriented towards treating women's neuroses, which sprouted from the Victorian mores of the day, which stifled women's sexuality - women tend to become internally aggressive (e.g. eating disorders, anxiety disorders, body dysmorphias) while men tend to lash out at the world, others.
Before my imprisonment, a guy who thought he was tough, insulted me at a party, even after I flipped him & he was laying on the floor. Out came the evil - I was gonna cut his tongue out, was looking in the kitchen for a knife... until a cute girl I knew grabbed me & said "Don't do it Nate!"
A vagina can snuff out rage, at least with me. [smiley face with devil horns]

4. Upon Release, Do Men Become More Reserved, Don't Know How to Deal With a "Woman's Touch"?

First off, just reading the phrase "woman's touch" made my sidekick stand up - "Did somebody call my name? You need help with something? 'Cause I got a clear calendar!"
Anyhere. Speaking for myself, if I was out, I'd quickly dig through women like a garbage sorter (yeah, nasty simile), find the one I wanted to "recycle", blow her mind real quick, and, if she was game, make my kill. Otherwise, I'd move on. Ain't be scare o' no woman's touch!
However, I'm sure I'd be ham-handed, go a little too hard, because, hell, it's been over 20 years since I've felt a woman's touch, other than some guard holding my arm when I'm out my cell.
No doubt other men have similar problems. They'd worry that: they're not being affectionate enough, or are being needy; they're being too rough in bed, or too lame. And they're likely not used to intimacy or kindness. May prison systems are ruled by harsh convict codes, violations of which can mean death, with no forgiveness. E.g., if your buddy's killed in front of you, you can't snitch, & especially if he's a gang homie, you're expected to do your best to kill him. Crying isn't an option. If you step out of line, at least in the feds, it's your homebody who's gonna try to kill you, & you won't have a clue until his knife is in your b & not some little pussy knife either. After years of living like that - I'm sorry, what was your question?
You can often tell that a guy's been to prison because he'll be ultra stoic. That's the best way to survive, irk less people. I met a guy that carrid himself thip way when I was attending W.W.T.C. with me in '97. I knew he'd done time, asked him & he confirmed. He was still wearing his prison mask; it was stuck on. I doubt it fell off when he was alone with his fiancee.
After years of living around staff who see & treat you as human shit, or a tool to oppress other prisoners, or a pawn to sell dope, etc. For them, or a monkey who'll masturbate for them, etc. - how do you think men less perceptive than me :) will react to a "woman's touch,", tenderness, love that they've been taught does not exist? I promise you that some prison savvy men will wonder, What does she want from me? and will never be fully free from the thought that she doesn't truly love me, thus won't have the deep relationship that they might've had absent their prisonization.
But a lot of people live lives of quiet romantic desperation, the excuse for this damage must go.
Yet we've all seen, or will see sooner or later, 80-year old couples who are obviously as infatuated with each other as an adolescent boyfriend & girlfriend. Love like that is possible, does exist.
-finis-
Alright Alyssa, daddy done his work. Now it's time for you to do yours. As you can see from my post, "Please support my blog..." put up around July-Aug. 2016, I'm ass-out in every way. Then, recently, a woman who seemed to be my best friend, ghosted on me. My ebullience is purely the product of psychosis. Point is, it's right that you help in some way, as it is for others who get a laugh or education from my writings.
So here's some ways you can pay the Honkie. Pick one or more, let me know!
1. Go to prisoninmates.com/NateLindell303724, click on the document Eon Daer, Vol. 1, grab the pdf, transcribe the title & introduction, leave the rest as visual documents (if you can) & publish the book on smashwords.com, listing the price as "Free", so people will learn about my story & my writing/art. "Like" Eon Daer Vol. 1 on your social media, spread word about it on the 'net.
2. "Like" my art on prisoninmates.com/NateLindell303724, spread it & links to prisoninmates.com/NateLindell303724 & this blog on the 'net
3. "Like" my blog, spread its URLs around on the net. Get me viewers.
4. Run a facebook page - PrometheusWrites! - that republishes posts from my blog.
5. Find me a reliable person who'll transcribe my prison autobiography, for a cut of the royalties.
6. Send me some naked pictures of your toes... if you're into that. :) Joking, but not really.
7. I need stamped envelopes & paper to write a blog. Can't buy my own & nobody's been helping with this. Anyone, anywhere can order such for me from JLMarcusWisconsin.com, items #8039 (5-pack envelopes, 6 packs max) & #4304 - typing paper.