Reply ID:
bqtv
Monday
January 30, 2017

Dear Cindy,

To that that I was shocked to hear from you would be the understatement of the millennium, but sadly, sometimes the American language is wholly inadequate when it comes to describing how a person feels. Not necessarily because there aren't appropriate words to describe those feelings, but because those emotions are simply too overwhelming to think straight, making a person resort to stuttering and stumbling over their choice of words. With that said, I suppose all I can say is that I'm shocked, surprised, stunned, floored, dumbfounded, well, you get the general idea. In other words, I'm thrilled that you finally decided to reach out to me, although I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed to not have heard from you sooner. Be that as it may, better late than never, right?

That being said, I'm <bold>always</bold> open to "talking" to you, whether it's on the phone, through the mail or online. Unfortunately, as I don't have access to the Internet, I'm forced to rely on the kindness of strangers and friends, which is how I'm able to keep up wit my blog.. Should the Internet be the only way you can communicate with me, and I suspect I might know the reason, then it will have to be with the help of a third party. I'll send him any letters I have to you, so he can scan and send it to you via e-Mail. When you get them, they'll be in a .pdf format, which you'll have to open as an attachment and read, print out, etc. Any responses can be sent to me at the same e-Mail address, <bold>shawnLperrot@hotmail.com</bold> and when it's received, he'll download, print and mail it to me when he writes, which is usually about three times a week. I can also leave letters here on my blog, but it's not exactly what anyone would ever consider private, not by any stretch of the imagination, which means that, if we do choose to communicate with each other using this method, we won't be able to discuss much in the way of things which are private.

I have a lot of questions I want to ask but the last thing I want to do is overwhelm you, so I'll limit myself to only a few. (Trust me, that's more difficult then it sounds, given how long it's been since we last spoke, and everything which has happened since then.) You should know, however, that you should feel no such obligation. Ask me as many questions as you want, and I'll do my best to answer them all.

First, how are you doing? It's been almost 20-years since we last spoke, and the only thing I know about you is what I've read in our daughter's progress reports, none of which seemed to paint a rosy picture. However, I'm also painfully aware that what's reduced to writing isn't always the full picture, or even an accurate one, so rather then relying on what some faceless bureaucracy, one with an ax to grind, I figured that I'd ask you direct.

One question that I'm particularly curious to know the answer to is why you sent me the message that you sent, saying that you didn't want to hear from me, and that, if I tried to contact you again, you'd ask the judge for a restraining order. I'm not mad, I'm just curious to know why. During out relationship, never once did I raise my hand, or even my voice to you, so to hear that you were afraid of me really confused me. For the life, of me, I couldn't understand your reaction, but rather then sitting here and trying to play the "Guessing Game," I figured that I'd just ask. Please don't think that any response from you is going to start an argument, it won't. I ask because I want to understand, I ask because communication is an important part of any relationship, regardless of the form that relationship takes. I ask because I truly want to understand, and if I don't ask, then I'll never understand, and if it was something I did, then I want a chance to not only understand, but also to make things right.

I've also got to ask, "why now?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to hearing from you now, even after a 20-year absence, but I'm still dying to know what changed? What happened to make you change your mind about the two of us talking to each other? Why couldn't we have talked before this? Again, I'm not upset, and I'm not passing judgement, I'm simply trying to understand.

Again, there's so much that I want to ask, so much I want to know, from what's been going on in your life to what's been going on in Sierra's life, but as I said earlier, I don't want to overwhelm you, so I'll leave those questions unasked for the time being. For now, I just want to work on trying to build a solid foundation between the two of us, with the hopes of ensuring we stay in contact much longer this time around.

Incidentally, you don't have to communicate with me via my e-Mail address, you can write to me directly at the address listed below, but something tells me that sending me an e-Mail might be easier on you in more ways then one. Either way, however you choose to communicate is your decision.

Affectionately,

Shawn L. Perrot CDC# V-42461
MCSP Cell# C-13-229L
P.O. Box 409060
Ione, CA. 95640