CLOSED CUSTODY
VS
OPEN-BAY

WHILE READING THROUGHOUT MY PREVIOUS WRITINGS, YOU PROBABLY HAVE ENVISIONED A TYPICAL T.V. SCENE OF A GUY LIVING IN A TWO MAN CELL WITH A BIG METAL DOOR, OR MAYBE WITH BARS ACROSS THE FRONT. UNFORTUNATELY, SINCE MY LAST MESSAGE, A MAJOR CHANGE HAS OCCURED IN MY LIVING FACILITIES. I'VE BEEN MOVED INTO WHAT IS KNOWN AS AN OPEN-BAY DORM. GRANTED, I'VE HAD TO SPEND TIME IN OPEN-BAY FACILITIES BEFORE. HOWEVER, THESE OCCASIONS WERE FOR SHORT SPANS OF TIME THAT WOULD OCCUR DURING A TRANSFER, OR MAYBE FOR SOME MEDICAL PURPOSES. BUT NOW, FOR SOME STRANGE REASON, THE DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS IN ALL ITS WISDOM & KNOWLEDGE HAS DECIDED TO LOWER MY HOUSING SECURITY LEVEL (SOMETHING I HAD BEEN ASSURED BY FELLOW INMATES WOULD NEVER HAPPEN DUE TO THE CRIME FOR WHICH I WAS ARRESTED). SO I AM NO LONGER UNDER THE RESTRICTION OF LIVING IN A TWO MAN CELL. I IMAGINE TO SOME OF YOU THAT MIGHT SOUND LIKE GOOD NEWS. HOWEVER, FOR THOSE OF US WHO HAVE HAD THE EXPERIENCE OF LIVING BOTH FORMS OF LIFE, IT'S NOT GOOD AT ALL. ESPECIALLY FOR AN INDIVIDUAL SUCH AS MYSELF.
BEFORE I CONTINUE, LET ME MAKE SURE MY PERSONAL OPINION ISN'T GETTING IN THE WAY...
OKAY, I'M BACK. I JUST CONDUCTED A SURVEY AND DISCOVERED THAT THE PREFERENCE FOR A TWO MAN CELL IS 75%, AS OPPOSED TO THE OPEN-BAY DORM AT 25%. TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT?!?! HOW COULD THAT MANY GUYS PREFER LIVING LIKE THIS? I'LL TELL YA WHAT. I'LL BE FAIR AND TAKE THE OTHER GUYS OPINION INTO CONSIDERATION. SO LETS TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE ISSUES THAT COME TO MY MIND WHEN COMPARING THESE TWO LIFE STYLES.
1. INSTEAD OF HAVING TO SHARE A 7 1/2 ft. X 10 1/2 ft. CELL WITH ONE OTHER INMATE, I GET TO SHARE A 70ft x 40ft. ROOM WITH 63 OTHER INMATES.
2. INSTEAD OF HAVING ONLY ONE SINK & TOILET IN MY OWN ROOM THAT I SHARE WITH ONE GUY, I HAVE 13 SINKS AND EIGHT TOILETS THAT I GET TO SHARE WITH 63 OTHER GUYS.
3. INSTEAD OF HAVING A CHOICE OF EIGHT SINGLE ONE MAN SHOWERS WITH 85 OTHER GUYS, I GET TO SHARE ONE SHOWER ROOM THAT HAS EIGHT OPEN SHOWER HEADS WITH 63 OTHER GUYS.
4. INSTEAD OF GOING THROUGH THE HASSLE OF TAKING A PIECE OF CARDBOARD AND STATEGICALLY CONNECTING IT TO THE VENT THAT WAS LESS THAN THREE FEET FROM MY BUNK SO THE AIR WOULD BLOW DIRECTLY ON ME, I CAN NOW JUST RELAX ON MY BUNK IN A CAKE OF SWEAT KNOWING THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO TO IMPROVE THE SITUATION.
5. INSTEAD OF HAVING TO PUT UP WITH THE TEMPTATION OF SLEEPING IN WHILE MY BUNKIE IS OUT TO CLASS, I'M NOW ABLE TO FIGHT OFF SUCH TEMPTATIONS DUE TO THE FACT OF THE AMOUNT OF NOISE FROM ALL THE HUSTLE & BUSTLE THAT IS WITHIN INCHES OF MY BUNK AND THE OFFICERS ABILITY TO SEE ME NOW SINCE I'M ONLY 25ft. AWAY.
6. INSTEAD OF MISSING OUT ON ALL THE ACTION OF WATCHING THE OTHER GUYS WHO WANT TO GET TWACKED OUT FROM THAT K-2 STUFF IN THE PRIVACY OF THEIR CELLS, NOW I GET TO WATCH THEM ON THEIR BUNKS EITHER LYING THERE PASSED OUT, THROWING UP ON THEMSELVES, OR EVEN GOING INTO A SEIZURE & BEING TAKEN TO MEDICAL.
7. INSTEAD OF HAVING TO PUT UP WITH THE OFFICERS COMING IN TO RAID OUR LOCKERS & STRIP SEARCH US EVERY THREE TO FOUR MONTHS, NOW IT'S SIMPLY A PART OF LIFE SINCE NOW IT HAPPENS AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH.
8. INSTEAD OF HAVING TO GO TO MY CELL AND DO ALL MY WRITING OF LETTERS IN PEACE & QUIET, NOW I GET TO USE THE ONLY TABLE THAT'S IN THE T.V. ROOM AND DO ALL MY WRITING AMONGST A BUNCH OF SENSELESS BABBLE WITH THE T.V. ON FULL BLAST.
9. INSTEAD OF HAVING TO USE ALL THE CONTRABAND TYPE STUFF (ex. ROLL OF TAPE, BOTTLE OF BLEACH etc. etc.) THAT I'VE PURCHASED FOR MY OWN USE, NOW I GET TO SHARE IT WITH THESE GUYS THAT ARE CONSTANTLY WALKINH PAST MY BUNK WHO HAVE AMAZINGLY DECIDED THAT NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO BE MY FRIEND.
10. AND LAST, BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, I CAN NOW ERASE THE WORD "PRIVACY" FROM MY VOCABULARY, BECAUSE I KNOW I'LL NEVER HAVE ANY NEED FOR IT AGAIN.
SO YEAH, IT MAY SEEM LIKE A BIT MORE OF A CRAMPED LIFE STYLE IN A TWO MAN CELL. HOWEVER, AS YOU CAN SEE BY MY RATHER SARCASTIC (BUT ABSOLUTELY FACTUAL) REMARKS, I WOULD HAVE TO BE SUFFERING FROM A SERIOUS CONDITION OF CLAUSTROPHOBIA BEFORE EVER CHOOSING TO LIVE IN AN OPEN-BAY DORM RATHER THAN CLOSED CUSTODY.