"The best way to get over one man is to get another."
—Unknown

03-23-18

Dear Readers,

I'm convinced. I have a three month curse. I can only think of two relationships in my life that have lasted over three months. I was just not meant to be loved.

Josh, whom I previously wrote about, is in the hole (SHU/segregation). I have no doubt that he will be in there until he is released in late April. This past Wednesday, Josh got in a fight in the chow hall with some ignorant Muslim dude. He didn't provoke the fight, nor did he go looking for it. It's a fairly involved story, but to shorten it as much as possible, we were in line at chow hall and some idiot Muslim dude behind us had an attitude and started talking shit to Josh. Josh is definitely the wrong person to do that to. He came out swinging and didn't stop until he was subdued by the COs.

What also sucks is that we had recently had an argument and were just starting to get back into our old group when this happened. I really hate that everything wasn't quite back to normal when this happened.

There was another incident with Josh two days before that happened this past Monday. Being as vague as possible, we got screwed out of $20 on a business deal. It was my money and my attitude was "shit happens". I learned not to deal with the same people again.

Not Josh. He grew up in a ghetto selling drugs and he will not stand for anyone getting one over him. He put a lock on a belt and went out to collect. Unfortunately, Travis, whom I've also previously mentioned, was the go-between on this business deal. So he's the first person Josh went after. The end result of all this was that Josh faced off with four D.C. dudes on the rec yard who were eventually the ones responsible. They pointed at Travis and made him pay for their trash.

This has really been a stressful week for me. I didn't want any of this to happen—including the argument which involved his defending one of the people who ratted on me and got me put in the Hole with 41 more days in prison. There's no excuse for defending someone like that, especially if you're supposed to be in a caring relationship with the other person. Loyalty is a huge priority to me, and he just didn't give a shit.

A few different people said that Josh had "Short-Timers' Disease". This is where guys are close to getting out, and they just go mental. And he certainly did. He was (is) bi-polar and would get very violent when he's angry. I, on the other hand, am a delicate flower and am not violent in any way.

Man, this sucks. I really miss him in spite of all the bad things. He had talked about going to the hole before his out date and threatened several times to punch anyone who pissed him off. I will never understand why someone would prefer to be in the hole than spend their time on the compound just enjoying their last month like a king. I just don't get it.

He swore several times that he would stay in touch after he got out, and that he'd help me out, blah, blah, blah. I've heard that so many times, I'm not holding my breath.

Speaking of helping... that reminds me of something else.

With all of the typing I have been doing, I am owed a great deal. Two different guys have wanted to send me money to make it easier, and one of them was going to make it possible to buy another MP3 player after mine was stolen. Well, in order to do this, the inmates needs to send funds from this inmate account to a third party on the outside, and that person would then send those funds to me. The problem is, I have ZERO outside help. My "friend" Pam won't even contact me anymore and the only other person I know from the streets was Will in Ohio.

I've mentioned Will previously. We had "encounters" in various parts of the country. Out of the blue, he looks me up and writes me after ten years. What a shock. He had even talked about our getting together after I got out. So, since he was the only option for me, I asked Will. Will had previously complained about looking stuff up online for me, which I sure as hell didn't get 'cause I know it only takes a few minutes to look something up online. I was locked up before everyone had a smartphone which makes it so much easier. I still had to hope because, I thought, surely Will would help me even if it's just one time so that I could replace my MP3 player.

I'm certain you already know where all of this is leading: he fucking said no.

Now, I get that he's really busy right now. Among other personal obligations, his father recently died and he has to deal with the estate. For the record, Will isn't working a job. But. How fucking much of your time does it take to deposit a check and either send a money order or Western Union funds right back to someone, especially so they can replace their stolen MP3 player?

People, if you're not willing to do anything to help someone in prison, then don't call yourself a "friend."

Needless to say, I really don't see myself getting together with Will when I get out. No thank you.

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03-25-18

I got a note from Josh today from SHU. It was really sweet and said some things he never said before. Of course I cried my eyes out. I love that crazy fucker, and I'm gonna miss him so much. This really sucks. Damn, I miss him. That note meant so much to me, and I'm so grateful that he sent it. I'll probably never see him again, but I sure hope we stay in touch.

Now I have to find a new cellie...

Until next time, I wish you
Love and blessings,

Kelly