hyc4
Personal Journal

7-3-19
I got a post from my Jeannie today. Only seven days from the time of posting. What really amazes me is these people got it to me one day after they received it. :o

I love your now, I love your name, I love its mystery, I love its simplicity, I love its secrets, I love the things about you that even you yourself seen not to appreciate like the generosity of your love for me.

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7-8-19
Monday! :) It is going to be a bright afternoon today. What am I going to do? I am going to work with my mind and with a paintbrush. While the sky is clear, while the soft white clouds are small and sharply defined in it. I am not going to lose myself in television, and daydream, and become drunk and bewildered. I am going to paint as one driven by compulsions—but freely.

Because I am an artist. Because for me, to paint is to think and to live.

It was cloudy and cool yesterday starting out chilly today. I got up in the middle of the night and put on some warmer clothes.

I never thought I would live to be 72, yet here I am. I was always half convinced (by my family and friends) that I would die young. Some said 18, some said 21. Some said I would never see 30. I have lived now a long span of life. Nothing can change, even though it is only one of my dreams. If I don't make my 73rd birthday, it doesn't matter. I can relax.

Life has been a gift I'm glad of. I no longer curse the day I was born. On the contrary, if I had never been born, I would have never found my Jeannie to share hearts with. Would not have known true love, my family, my friends. I would have missed their love altogether. After all, even with the suffering I've done, life is good.

I hope to continue to live, to grow, to continue to love. To learn.

I have come to realize that 72 ain't that old. Let's revisit this when we hit a hundred. Not that far away. :)

If we want love, we have to love. No matter what anybody else things of us. I cannot let anyone walk through my mind with dirty feet. :)

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7-9-19
Anyone who has never made a mistake, has never tried anything new—it's hard to get started this morning without a cup of coffee. I'm having the esophagoga stradudoudoenoscopy (EGO) procedure at 10:30. Nothing to eat or drink after midnight last night. Don't ask me to say it. I had trouble copying it. :)

Not eating is one thing, but asking a man not to drink his morning coffee—that's just cruel.

I've got a lot of things going on in my mind right now. Writing lonely poems, one by one. I'm working on a painting of my niece, Mandy, as Miss Riverside 1984 sitting on a white house, holding a large flag with the light of the spotlight surrounding her. I need coffee. :)

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7/10/19

They turned on the TV. Then I was waking up wondering where I was. The procedure was over. They gave one a print out of what they found, which was nothing much. My doctor will explain it(?) :) He'll have to go on the computer himself. My doctor loves the computer. That's where he decides what you have and what medication you get. :) He tries every new procedure they come up with on us, and every shot for older people, he'll see to it that I get it.

I can't complain about it. He's got me seeing a half dozen specialists. My joints and bones have been hurting since yesterday morning before the procedure, and the medication has been doing so well. My right hand fingers are making it hard to write. My right foot and toes are making it hard to walk. Then my left knee. See, I can find something to complain about. :)

I hope this is short-lived. The medication has been working so well. I didn't even paint yesterday. I hope to when I come back in from the yard. Yes, I'm going to the yard, work through the pain. If you lie down, you might not get back up.

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7/12/19

Walking in the rain where my love is getting a good hurricane. I see where my love is getting a good evoking. I hope you are staying around home and being safe. My fingers are still hurting this morning, but I still feel the need to write a few words. Not that anything is happening here to write about, but that's never stopped me before.

I didn't paint any yesterday. Still, the painting of Miss Riverside is coming along great.

I have an appointment at noon to see the lung doctor. Anyway, I hope it's the lung doctor. I'm running out of wind on my morning walks long before I run out of energy. :)

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7/14/19
Sunday

I see where the south/east is dealing with Tropical Storm Barry. We could use some of that summer water here in CA. Hurricane season has arrived. May there be a few.

I saw the lung doctor on Friday. He said he wants me to continue on my inhalers and the morning nebulizer for now while they run some more test. My oxygen level is low under 95%. One day last week, it was 92%. I am having dizzy spells. He said the medication he was going to treat me with would depend on the test. Going to see me again in six to eight weeks.

I'm going to close off for now, so I can put this in tonight's mail. I hope to hear from somebody soon. A little encouragement wouldn't hurt.