May 22, 2021

Personal Journal......5/9/21

by Steve J. Burkett (author's profile)



Personal Journal


It is late March and I am unable to get myself out of bed early enough to get any writing done. I spend most of my wake up time trying to clear my throat out so I can breathe. If they tell you smoking won't hurt you wait until you're older - I enjoyed smoking - tuff guy that I was I just laughed it off when someone tried to warn me. I can hear you laughing now :) A sweet Pall Mall early in the morning.


I'm feeling better this morning - breathing a little better but I'm not moving around much. I haven't been able to get on the phone much the last week - been to Stockton twice - saw the Ears, Nose, & Throat doctor; he put me in to see e aGI doctor for an ENT evaluation - same as the speech therapist. Had a CT chart test on 4/16/2021 and I've been scheduled for a follow-up appointment to my PCP. Liver ultrasound was done on 4/13/21 will see the Hip-C teams soon. I'm going to try to start writing on the weekend more - we're not getting much dayroom and even less yard; I just need my celly not to talk and he's not that talkative most of the time. I can work on my poetry if I get up in time during the week and Love Notes - for love notes I need that quiet time when I'm alone with my heart and I'm daydreaming about where we've been, where we are, and where we're going. I have about a half-hour or so I can write - if I can get up right around 5 A.M. it takes me a little better than half an hour to get dressed, clean up and make a cup of coffee. At 6:30 they're calling us out of the cells :) I'm still trying to work on the painting I started a couple of weeks ago :)

I can't see right now, I'm going to have to try this when I get back from group. No group today. Someone said no group all this week - I hope so I'm tired all the time, something to do with a shortage of oxygen to the brain. We're not getting much yard but even when we do I'm not really up to walking I feel like I'm about to fall out about half the time. I do have plans on drawing a lake today - after I take a nap :). I received a comment from gmorga. Thank you for transcripting my blog and having the time to look through it. I'm glad you enjoyed my art.

You don't have to be best friends but don't erase a life - we all make mistakes. I read that somewhere. I've worked real hard to be this different person but without any family or friends I worry about making it to the future. There's no need of walking in the clouds by yourself because alone is just another prison.

No group until next Wed. Maybe I'll get a little done like getting this blog done :) I've sure been going slow :) It was sure nice talking to you earlier today and yes it does fluster me some when I can't get in touch with you. But soon, we'll have the tablets and can set up call times - I love you. The only way I know you've been here is when you leave a love note - if you can't think of words & names are words. :). <3

5/7/2021 In the afternoon Wed, I went out to the St. Joe's Hospital where I did the breathing test and six minute walk where my oxygen fuel dropped to 15% - not good at all. Yesterday they called me to the clinic and gave me the oxygen machine. The Inogen that you carry over your shoulder. The doctors not even sure if I can have it here but he said I needed it right now and if they decide I can't have it here then they can transfer me to someone where I can - he can't see where I can't have it - I still want to go to Stockton - Now I have to wait and see :). I'm doing alright hope everyone else are doing the same. Here's hoping with the oxygen I'll start feeling more energetic. Do more drawing & painting write some poetry. I'm going to close off for now - get this out over the weekend. I always feel that I forgot something I wanted to say and it will be lost forever.


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