Response Reply ID: mhmk
Dated 10/15/19

NO WORDS

WHEN DEALING WITH ACCEPTANCE, YOU HAVE TO FIRST COME TO TERM WITH THE FACT THAT YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG AND THEN YOU CAN START THE PROCESS OF REBUILDING, AND THE INSIDE AND OUTSIDE HEALING.

Honestly, it's sadness that comes to mind when I think about Ms. Dax because her life was cut short by me due to my lack of self-control and disregard for life. However, I'm no longer that 18-year-old kid, and my entire adult years have been about trying to right the wrong.

I understand that nothing I do or say will ever bring back Ms. Dax. However, I do hope to bring you closer to your family. Ms. Dax was a respectful, nice, and pure genuine person who I only knew for a couple weeks. I'm truly sorry from the bottom of my heart for everything I've put your family through, and every day, I hope that you guys can learn to forgive me.

I do have remorse. Back then, what you saw wasn't no remorse. It was a kid who had blocked out emotions due to things that had happened to him in his life. I hate that I was that person, someone capable of taking a life, and only when I was able to accept that I was the person who sat in the courtroom was I able to start to rebuild and reform who I was in the inside and out.

Until you've learned how to love yourself and cherish your life, you can't begin to love or cherish someone else's life.

Once that happened, I was able to fully understand how my actions affected so many people. I have learned things about myself that have helped me to understand what life inside of me causes such anger and hate. I do understand that nothing I say will ever bring back Ms. Dax, and yet I do hope what I'm saying gives your family some insight. Any life taken is too much, and that's something that hangs over me forever.

Words really can't explain how I truly feel, yet I felt like you deserve to hear the words I have to say. Forgiveness is the first step, and I hope your family can be ready to forgive me.

I'll say this before I go: my writing is written with the hopes of reaching someone in need who may not have support. If I can help one person overcome, then hopefully, one day, I can fully forgive myself.

Anthony P. Heard Jr.

REAL TALK ALWAYS