Personal Journal

9/18/20
I can't see the moon and the stars because of the smoke. My heart goes out to all those who have lost their homes and love ones like the 13 years old boy who lost his life while trying to save his grandma, tears fill my eyes for the true hero. It is times like these when I feel the need to embrace you in my heart. Winter cannot come soon enough, as much as the wet + cold hurt my body - the smoke from the fires have been worse.

9/19/20 It is cold this morning - I sit here with a blanket wrapped around me because I don't want to dig out my winter clothes. My stomachs still upset - my weight has been staying between 175 and 180. I saw the R.N and the Doctor yesterday- changed my dressing and talked about all the bruising around where the cancer was 10 sutures wide :) they'll take them out on the 26th. I'm having days here where I can't think to write, just nothing going on- can't make myself sit down to paint, don't want to read, t.v. is boring :) not even a crossword puzzle- maybe a love note :) <3

9/20/2020
Not feeling well today- just a note- my eyes keep closing and my hand is shaking somewhat. Its cold but I am dressed up blanket on :). I went out to Stockton yesterday for a throat treatment. I don't notices that me swallowing is getting any better but I have to keep going. He did tell me some time back that my throat muscle might not get any better and I might have to stay on a liquid diet. I still try to force food down but I mostly choke and cough them back up. I do have dayroom this morning - if we have program - the place was locked all day yesterday while I was gone and no program last night. We took a long route back from the hospital, beautiful country, wine country lots of trees; apples; pears, all kinds of nuts. I counted at lease three wineries. We came out in Lockeford again - a beautiful old town with some beautiful old buildings nothing over 4 or 5 floors mostly just 3 on 4. This is going to be a good day - the sun is rising over the eastern mountains right now blinding me with its beauty, warming my heart the way love does. It has started to sprinkle almost wetting the road way :) outside :) my window. I would like to see enough rain to help with some of the fires. I see were Sally has been tearing up the gulf coast and dumping a lot of rain on you. I hope everyone is doing alright. I'm going to try to call this week. I still lost forget what day it is, the day of the month.

9/21/20 Monday
I have two donuts again this morning - one for the R.N and one for the Dr.. I don't know why they gave me two donuts. They see me at the same time in the R.N. station :) "Anything you want Mr. Burkett" stop being so nice to me you make me think I'm dieing :) Its cold this morning, autumn is feeling like winter. I know me knee, feet and hands are beginning to hurt. I seem to get colder easyer sense I lost so much weight. I see the R.N. and the Doctor both again today. I hope the sutures are coming out, it all seems to have heal up. The cold weather has dampness in it- the fires are all under control right now and the smoke has pretty much cleared out. Its staying dark until well after 6 making it harder to enjoy the sunrise as people are already moving around- that's alright with me. I got up at 3a.m. and enjoyed it with this beautiful lady in Georgia. I was looking at some old photos yesterday and there you were all of 16 + 17 with your Mom and Stevie. I have to stop before I cry.

9/23/2020 Wed
I'm in to much pain to write right now. When out yesterday, had the cancer cut from the back of my left hand- not sure how many sutures- six biopys besides that- a big one on the back of my right hand- one on each side of my eyes barely able to see, still bleeding this morning blood all over me, my clothes, my bed, my pillows- I'm not even going to try to clean it up until later :). I'm going to get this in today's mail-no poetry- no love note <3 next time my heart- I love you. Thank you to everyone else.