"I want to write 'I love you' on a rock and throw it at your face so you know how much it hurts to love you." - Arabella Baroo

Dear Readers,

Howdy! OK, as I recall, I sent out one letter since I got out of the Hole + that's it. Now that I'm out, I actually have things to do (even if it's only leisure) + it's harder to keep up. Plus, I'm broke + so I can't email updates which is SO much easier (they charge us 5 cents a minute to email - just signing on + off takes away one minute). I'm hoping to get more funds, but we shall see. I may repeat myself here from my last post 'cause I didn't keep a copy, so please forgive.

So, let me see... I lost my job teaching the crochet class. That jerk that I had problems with in the Pagan circle went to the Rec officer + took my job, even though he already has a job. When I went to ask if I could have my job back, I specifically said, "Would you please consider allowing me to have my job back?" Calhoun, the officer, had only met me once before (they rotate + he was new this quarter) + so I explained that I taught the crochet class + the guy who was my assistant took the job while I was in the Hole for investigation, etc. Well, Calhoun + Yusko, the guy who does the hiring, accused me of having an attitude + being demanding + told me to leave the office. (I honestly did say "Would you please consider...")

I later saw my former boss at Rec who was filling in for someone, (he's temporarily working at the "Deuce" next door) + spoke with him. He said he'd speak to them. It later turned out that I've been assigned to clean up trash on the Rec yard on Saturday + Sunday in the afternoon. I spoke with Calhoun again after all this + he gave me a bunch of attitude + said he didn't know what he was going to do.

So, for now I'm stuck with that job, even though I don't really want any job. Honestly, if I couldn't get my old job back, that job is probably the best i could get. At least it's only on the weekends + I usually went out to walk the track at that time anyway. I just don't want to be stuck out there this winter.

There's been a lot of juggling of cells. I think I did mention the cell I was originally put in + the cellie complained about my taking naps in the afternoon. Well, he moved out with the guy who was supposed to trade with me but backed out.

So, since I was alone, I saw an opportunity to trade cells with someone on the other wing, which I prefer. I traded with 2 guys + was put in a great cell on that side just this past Friday. Well, today after the 4p count, the counselor came to me 'cause she needed to put someone in my lower bunk in that cell. He was on the 2nd floor + caused a fuss 'cause he says he has seizures + so he can't be on the 2nd floor. I don't see what difference it makes.

Now, prior to coming here, I've had an indefinite bottom bunk pass. That's not good enough here. They took it away, although I was given one for a few months last year after my assault. This means that the counselor wouldn't move me to the bottom bunk on the 2nd floor that this guy had + is making me move to the top bunk.

Oh, I forgot to describe him. This guy is a black guy from DC (they have the worst reputations in the BOP) + he is a total nutcase. He never shuts up + even talks to himself. He's got definite mental issues. EVERYONE is either laughing or has sympathy for my plight.

OK. I just got called to the cell by Nutjob who had the C.O. over there. I had to go 'cause he was complaining, apparently to the C.O., about where to put his shoes. There's a 3rd of the bedspace (underneath) that is completely empty. He had 1 pair of shoes that he was worried about. I said, "What's the problem with all that space?" He said, "Where do I put these?" (the shoes he had on). I moved the fan over a foot. "How about here?" "Oh, OK." And he called the C.O. over for that. Kill me now.

OK, so then there's Crazy. The other one - the guy who "likes" me. He does go by "Crazy". I keep hearing warnings about him + I keep noticing that the things he says don't match up with reality. Why would a guy who claims to have $11K in his account need to borrow a book of stamps from me + then not pay it back? Duh.

He's been "fixing" my reading lamp for weeks, which keeps getting put off + put off. I just want my lamp back + then the shit's gonna hit the fan. I've told him that stuff isn't matching up + I feel like I'm being lied to. Why do I always attract these psychos? Well, a friend of mine here, Dawn, said I have a reputation for having claws. (She was being nice). The claws are being sharpened, dears.

I got my issue of Brothers Behind Bars last week. It's put out by the Radical Faeries + is a list of penpal ads. I put one in it, you can put one in free per year. I hope I get responses. I'd like to write some of the guys myself, but technically we're not allowed to write other inmates. This policy really sucks + is a load of BS. We make friends in here + this is our own support group + we're not allowed to stay in touch if we're at different places. Make no sense.

Oh! It's only 4 days till the end of the world! I can't wait!! If I don't write again soon, happy holidays + many hugs to all of you.

Love + Blessings

Kelly