12-31-12

Dear Readers,

Happy New Year! And what did you get for Christmas? I got punched in the face + was sent back to the Hole. And here I sit once again.

On Xmas Eve, that crazy DC monkey they put in my cell started talking shit to me + I basically told him to "fuck off". Then, on Xmas Day, right before the 4p count, I put my chair out in the common area where I always sit. Fruit Loops had his chair there - which it never is - + I moved it over a foot to put mine down. No big deal. He was at the computer + jumped up + said "Hey!" + shoved my chair away. I put it back. Then he punched me in the face + shoved my chair even further. I went + put it back. He punched me one or two more times in the face. Finally, I set down my glasses + MP3 player on a table nearby + he rushed me + pushed me over. I pushed back, finally, + he fell back. It ended with my holding his face on the floor + some guy pushed us apart.

Well, I knew I'd end up going to the Hole. The whole damn unit saw us, someone would tell + besides, my face on the right side had a cut + was swollen. In fact, it's still numb a week later. So, I asked someone if they'd hold my fan + they advised going to the Lieutenant. As he said, I sure couldn't sleep with that psycho. I was worried about getting locked up again, but he didn't think that would happen. It did.

So, I got locked up in the Annex for two days + on Thurs, I'm transferred with some other guys back to the "Low". The psycho came to the Low that first night. I end up in the same cell I was in when I moved in with the Native/Mexican who was obsessed with polishing the toilet several times a day. Of course, they put me in with another black guy. Yet another winner. This is another ignorant dude who doesn't read + raps to himself. The type that doesn't say "heat", it's "hizz-eat". Really. Plus, he's the more openly hateful type. Straight up trash. I ended up with an extra bedmat + so he was telling a buddy next door how I should let him have it 'cause I had a thicker mattress anyway. I said "OK, you can have it, but if you move, leave the extra mattress". He moved today - thank the Goddess! - but of course the dirtbag took both mattresses. I don't know why I bothered doing the right thing. These are the same people who scream about "respect" the most, but never show any respect for others.

So... I saw SIS (investigative staff) on Friday, instead of sitting for 3 weeks - the only good thing. BUT... SIS tells me that I'm going to be written a "shot" for fighting instead of giving the psycho one for assault. She said that according to medical he had an injury, so she had to write it that way. She also said that one of us would be "skipped" (transferred) but it would probably be him 'cause he has a big history of causing problems. I don't know how he was injured, but it must have been from falling back. I know I didn't punch him. My hands had no marks. I wouldn't be surprised if he injured himself.

I just don't fight. I'm a total girl when it comes to fighting. It's embarrassing to me. I stood there + let him hit me + did nothing. Yet, here I am in the Hole + am going to get a fighting "shot" (incident report).

OK, so people scoff + tell me I'm not cursed. Yet, nothing but bad stuff keeps happening to me. I also know that you give a curse power by acknowledging it, but it's hard to do otherwise under the circumstances.

Things were going pretty badly for me for that month (less than) while I was on the compound, both with my living situation + dealing with that dude Crazy, who did nothing but lie + try to get whatever he could out of someone who has nothing (me). So... I will try to look at this as a break from all that + hopefully things will be better when I get out again. A do-over. Yes??

01-01-13

Well, I'm reading W. Somerset Maugham's "Of Human Bondage". (It's not what you think). It's a bit of a slow read, if ya know what I mean. Books help me get thru all this. I'd much rather read than anything. It takes my mind away.

I'd like to share some sad news. I received a postcard last week from the Human Kindness Foundation (humankindness.org), announcing the death of its co-founder, Bo Lozoff. HKF is a great organization that sends free books to prisoners, most of which were written by Bo. I have received + read most of them. His most popular book is "We're All Doing Time". It's a great book for anyone in - or out - of prison + I highly recommend it for anyone out there.

Bo also used to travel to prisons all over the country + would sing and give talks. I had hoped so much to one day meet him, and now I never shall. His passing is very sad + my heart goes out to Sita Lozoff, the rest of his family, + all those whose lives he touched.

It's a damn shame when someone like Bo dies. I wish it could have been me instead. I can't go on like this.

I urge all of you reading this to please check out HKF's website.

Love + Blessings,

Kelly