9/10
By Joey Bunch The Denver Post

Denver Police Chief Gerald Whitman has a message for Colorado State and University of Colorado football fans: Be nice or leave.

What happened to: "Make my day, punk"?

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The governor spoke to the National Press Club in Washington, D.C., last month, telling those gathered for the lunch speech what he's been saying here at home for months: the federal government needs to quit blocking oil and gas development off Alaska's coast, in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and in other areas to help offset the country's dependence on foreign oil.

"Alaska's oil patch is not dry, far from it," Parnell said, adding that 11 percent of national oil production comes from Alaska.

Much more could be available, he contends, if only the federal government would cause its "openly hostile" policies toward Alaska. He believes development in the Arctic is "blocked by misguided federal policy, much of it aided by misinformation and political agendas."

Parnell argued that the U.S. Interior Department and Environmental Protection Agency are "driving America's foreign policy."

Gov. Parnell,
I think you mean "overtly hostile", or you're getting confused with "open hostilities."

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Willie D. Clark will spend the rest of his life in prison without a chance at parole for the murder of Denver Broncos player Darrent Williams.

Clark was also sentenced Friday to an additional 1,152 years in prison for 16 attempted murder charges that included sentencing enhancements for his habitual criminal history.

"Mr. Clark, I will simply say from where I sit, barring a retrial of this issue, you are spending your life in prison, and you, too, can be a good-

The point of habitual offender laws is so nobody gets killed. Right?

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[AON 8-8-10
gray photocopy of Congressman Young]

SUSPENSE ENDS... Darlings, Ear was moved to tears by plaintive cry from Don Young, [added by poster: "]Congressman for All [strike]Alaskans[end strike] Who Voted for Him," when someone pointed out that "declining prosecution is not the same things as "innocent." (Earwigs will have noticed the feds dropped their [strike]four[end strike] [added by poster: 6] year investigation of Don on Wednesday).

"I wish somebody would say something nice about me," the congressman whined to Matt Felling on KTVA.

Poor baby. If it helps, Ear is endorsing Don for re-election this year as usual. The Omniscient Orifice would be simply distraught without his contributions. (Who can forget "Pribiloff's dogs" or his sexually explicit chat with Fairbanks high schoolers, plus so many others over the years?) [added by poster: Run-on]

And, thank the gods of comedy, Don has already announced he will be running again in 2012.