Daily Journal January 28-31 2013

Monday January 28, 2013 5:48am: I've been up since 3am. Just finished cleaning the cell. My little friend the cricket is still under the locker. In fact, I better sprinkle some water under there. Okay, that's done. He's been under there about 5 days now. I guess he/she feels safe there. It's just a baby. Anybody know what crickets eat? Well, I'm going to try to get some writing done this morning. I may break out the art supplies and do something. Just have to see how I feel later on and what's going on. I couldn't see the moon this morning.
7:43am: I've been unable to get started. This depression and stress is getting the best of me. When I woke up this morning, I laid there just thinking of how nice it would have been to die in my sleep. I was sitting here on the locker awhile thinking about suicide, and if my mom could deal with it. This is not living. It's existing day after day. Which I've done for 23 years. Half my life. This is a rough existence. People dying daily, by the hour, hell, by the minute, and here I am living, breathing - damn!
12:07pm: Well, I got out of that funk that I was in. I was feeling really bad there for several hours. That's not a good place to be in. In fact it's dangerous, when I get like that I'm right there on the end. This place is a bitch to deal with. Some "HOURS" are more difficult than others. Being locked in a 9x7, 63 square foot cage 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It's no joke. It'll tamper with the most sane person's mind. This is a living breathing hell! Anyways I got a couple of cards written and I've been working on a piece of art which I need to get back to. Pass some time.
4:05pm: Was just sitting here listening to music and writing a couple of penpal orgs seeking out someone to write. After I eat I'm going to do some more work on this picture, and then lay back, watch some news, get my shower and go to sleep. Wish I could sell some of my art work. Oh well. I'm going to get back to it.

Tuesday January 29, 2013 5:51am: I got up at 4am. Watched Market Warriors which is one of my new favorite TV shows. I then ate breakfast, cleaned the cell up, read my mail. I got 3 letters in so I'll be doing some writing today and working on this picture. I'll probably see the doctor, and get my Prozac started back up. Right now I need to shave and then start a letter.
9:36am: I wrote a letter, then went back to this picture. Just stopped to eat a soup. I'm fixing to write another letter. My poor little cricket died. I moved the locker back, it was dead. Missing a leg and half its head. Life is just unfair. Death cheats us all. That was just a tiny baby cricket. Well, on to this letter.
11:29am: Finished eating lunch. I wrote another letter, did some more work on this piece of art. I'm fixing to write up a blog.
2:38pm: I wrote a blog essay and the guys went to rec. The rec sgt stopped here at 1:58pm and was talking about how he would testify to Warden Reddish's unethical conduct, falsifying state documents etc. When I showed him the letter where Anne has offered to pay for a polygraph exam so I can support Reddish is nothing more than an unethical scumbag ass criminal, and I said to the sgt, you'll tell all this to the warden. He then went to back stepping. He doesn't want the warden or staff on his ass 'cause he's put in for Lt. and should be getting promoted to Lt here soon. I have written the warden about this polygraph test. I'm fixing to write Anne to see if she can contact the warden about it as well. There's something wrong with my left shoulder. It's been hurting for 2 days.
4:59pm: Just finished eating. Fixing to wash clothes, bath and lay down and call it a day.

Wednesday January 30, 2013 4:34am: I got up at 3:30, cleaned up. Now I'm just sitting here listening to music in one ear and the news in the other. I'm fixing to get up, clean the floor, sink, toilet, then eat breakfast and write my mom. That's the only letter I got last night. Canteen should come today, so got that to look forward to. I hope our regular sgt is back. Time to get to it.
6:07am: Yes! Our sgt is back. I was sure glad to see him come through this back door. I'm just sitting here writing my mom.
3:02pm: Canteen just left, I didn't get all I ordered. I'm having real problems with the shoulder. It's hurting so bad. I'm fixing to lay back down. Damn, this is painful!
4:29pm: I took a bunch of Tylenol and it's eased the pain up. I don't know what I've done or how I done it. But this pain in this shoulder has screwed up my whole day. 'Cause I just haven't been able to do anything! I've got to be handcuffed behind the back to go to the shower. I don't know how that's going to work. Right now I need to finish a letter.
5:33pm: I got my mom's letter ready to go out. This damn shoulder is hurting. I remember when I was 7 or 8 years old, my dad come into my bedroom, two bullet holes in his left shoulder. He shot his self 'cause he was hurting. But he should have never come in my bedroom, waking me up, introducing me to his insanity. But that's the way it was. I'm fixing to wash clothes and get ready for the shower.

Thursday January 31, 2013 8:32am: Just finished scrubbing the floor. I've been up since 3:30, I've written 3 letters. I got one letter in last night, the person told me nothing's been posted in awhile, so I'm fixing to try to go out and find someone who will help me run my first blog. www.thedeathrowpoet.blogspot.com. And my main focus is to find someone to operate that blog. I'll be keeping a daily journal, but I won't be sending any more to be posted until I find out what's going on at Between the Bars. I've got several other orgs that I need to write. Time to get busy.
5:25pm: Well, I've been working all day on letters to orgs to get on their website to try to find someone to run my blog. I hate the fact that this is coming to an end with BTB. I've really enjoyed it. But one thing's for sure, nothing lasts forever. I guess this will be my last post unless something changes. I will continue to keep a Daily Journal in hopes that it'll be posted, if not here, then on another blog. I did write another blog post up that I hope gets posted where I'm seeking help running another blog. Well, time to wash clothes, bath and call it a day.