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 The Worst Of Sinners (Aug. 18, 2012) |
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Reply ID: wiac
Paxilqueen-Melissa
I thank you sincerely for your comment you left. I don't usually hear from someone so it's always nice to be able to. I've never studied any type of near-death experiences with anyone but I used to be deathly afraid of dying. I used to feel like every time I would close my eyes and go to sleep I would never be able to wake from my sleep. This happened to me usually as a younger teenager. I don't know how or when but it went away all on its own. But ever since I was little I have always had problems sleeping. Even now it takes me no less than 30 minutes to fall asleep unless I'm either really tired or on some medication of some sort. Like you I have attempted suicide but haven't done so in such a long time. I wouldn't sit here and say years and years have passed but when you measure time like I do every day seems to me as though a thousand years have passed. Then there are times when it seems like so much time has passed I lose track of it or then at others none at all. I am sure it's normal for almost anyone but with me this is very unsettling at times. Luckily this is not a hindrance to me. I have tried my best to let the blood of Jesus atone for my sins and wash away them but I feel like sometimes what's the point in allowing all this to transpire if I am just going to sin again? Maybe I am alone in my thinking. Maybe it's another twisted way I think of things like that. I don't know for sure. I have numerous scars up and down my arms which at times I find myself hating both them and me even more than I already do. But they serve as a reminder of my past -- sins or otherwise. I can't sit here and say I regret them but then again I won't sit here and say that I don't. Like you, I have a multitude of emotional scars. Some I know will never be healed. I suffer from PTSD, depression, and bipolar disorder. I take 3 different medications right now that have taken me a long time to get stabilized. It's a long never-ending battle for the fight of my life. I know I don't want to resort to the things I have done in my past. But the hardest part for me to accept is that I really feel like I will spend the remainder of my life alone. There are so many reasons I say this. And trust me, I don't do so lightly. I never make an assumption without having some basis as to why I do so. Thank you for your support towards me. It is much needed. I extend the same in return. I know you don't know me but I am here if you ever need an encouraging word or just someone to talk to. I know this form of communication may take a while but I am still here regardless. I am a pretty good listener no matter the situation. Read Isaiah 30:18 & Jeremiah 29:11-14. I don't know if you read the bible but these may help you through tough times. May God bless you and keep you. I am always here.
Sarah
Gatesville, Texas
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Replies (4)
Also, a friend of mine whose a Yoga teacher taught me a trick to getting a good nights sleep. He read in a book that your pillows need to be slanted. Kind of like how patients in hospitals sleep with their bodies slanted or elevated. But if you don't have a hospital bed you simply put another pillow half way under the first pillow. The bottom pillow will plop up the top of the fist pillow. It's kind of hard to explain with out being there to demonstrate. But it works to make sleep better.
I have recently started Massage Therapy for stress. And it has helped me so much. I got rid of a lot of anger and depression thanks to my massage therapist. It costed $30 for a half hour. My massage therapist massaged my back with her elbows. It was so different. I have never heard of massaging someone's back with elbows before. But it worked really well.
Have you tried vitamin B12 supplements? I use to have a really emotional menstrual cycle. But after I started taking vitamin B12 supplements most of the emotion related to my period disappeared. My moods are normal now.
Well Sarah, I hope you find a natural remedy that can help you with your depression. There's a lot of possibilities out there. My scars use to bother me too but don't anymore. Thanks for responding to my post. God bless you.
Sincerely
Melissa
I am studying to become an aroma therapist. I can make aroma therapy body sprays with essential oils. I made a body spray for my sister that cured a breathing problem she had. My favorite essential oil is Sweet Orange. I have a total of 10 different essential oils and I am waiting for 4 more to come in the mail.
Are you a Christian? Do you believe that Jesus is your savior? Do you ever pray? Prayer is good. God has answered a lot of my prayers through out my life.
Do you have a walk man there? When I was in prison they let us have walk mans. Maybe you can find a classical music station to listen to. Classical music is really relaxing. Like flute music, harp music, ect... You should be able to find a Christian music station too. I know all prisons are a different. So maybe your doesn't have walk mans. Coffee Creek in Oregon does. When I was at Coffee Creek I really enjoyed listening to the comedy station on the radio. It was s funny. I would crack up laughing in my cell.
Do you read a lot to distract yourself from prison life? I know a lot of inmate read to distract themselves from their situation. Does the prison have a good library?
How long have you been there and how long will you be there? I will try to remember to pray for you tonight before bed.
Melissa