Transcription
March 22, 2013
"Year by year, slowly but inexorably, his spirit had withered. Dry of heat and dry-eyed. During his nineteen years imprisonment he had not shed a tear." - Victor Hugo, 'Les Miserables'
Dear Readers,
How convenient. As I start typing, "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor plays on C3PO. Goddess bless disco!!
Howdy! Well...what to report. It's finally officially Spring and yet the temps this week are around 20 degrees what they should be. Yuck! At leas the ornamental pear trees are in bloom. They're so beautiful! If only they could stay that way longer in the year. In any case, I can't wait until it gets warmer.
I finally had my DHO hearing on Thurs. for the "shot" for writing another inmate. I think the DHO (hearing officer) threw it out! I'm not sure why, and I was so stunned (and scared) that I didn't question. I almost wasn't sure about leaving and made sure to ask if it was OK. He didn't sanction me, so what a huge relief. I guess he did throw it out! WHEW! It's absurd that we aren't allowed to write to other inmates. They open and inspect our mail anyway, so if we're writing another inmate they could inspect it much more closely and make sure that nothing wrong or bad is going on, so why the hell shouldn't we be able to write each other? After 9 freakin' years in prison, my support system is composed of other inmates. Period. I have one friend who helps me and that's it. The people who are my friends and my daily support are other prisoners, so when someone leaves or is transferred, you're just supposed to say, "that's that. We can't be friends anymore." Absurd.
It's a new quarter. The officers rotate each quarter, usually. Sometimes there's an exception where someone will work the same unit and shift for more than a quarter, like our daytime officer, who really gets on my nerves. I sleep late, 'cause I stay up late. Leave me the freak alone until 9a.m. He LOVES tapping the bed and saying on a daily basis that they might inspect that day. Really, you're allowed to be under one cover as long as the rest of the bed in made. I don't really see the point of that either, but whatever.
I got 3 books on queens this past week. On Joanna I of Naples/Sicily, Elanor of Aquitaine and Catherine the Great. LOVE IT! I'm such a queen I like reading about my fellow queens. For the record, Edward R. Hamilton Bookseller has great prices on books and is a favourite of inmates (and normal folks too, I'm sure). Check 'em out.
The psycho bitch unit manager, Gregory, made an announcement this week about how she's going to start writing "shots" for excess property, like, for example, you're only supposed to have 5 books in your possession. I'm not sure how they figure it when you have your 5 books and then you buy some more to read with the intention of mailing them out when you're done. Common sense is not a feature of BOP employees. In any case, a unit manager should have better things to do with his/her time. She actually looks for ways to screw with people. She's the one who flips out if you happen to have any jewellery and confiscate it. (She already took 2 bracelets of mine). Get a life! This has no penological purpose. Really. I wouldn't be surprised if I get in trouble for typing this, but perhaps they should check out the First Amendment.
I've been killing myself buying music for C3PO (my MP3). Before I went to the hole last, I had 106 songs. I'm not up to 225. Oops!! I seriously need to stop. I have a shopping addiction.
Anyhoo...love y'all. Hope you have a beautiful Spring!
OH! PS...check out startpage.com. It's a search engine I heard about on Coast to Coast which doesn't track you like Google and keeps your life private. Check it out!
Love & Blessings,
Kelly
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Replies (25)
Send you a hug,
little_pilgrim
Only read your article today. Tomorrow you'll get it!
Got this blog by my American friend, George. One of the longest prisoners kept in jails! But after so many years he could be finally free in July!!
So you love songs, dance, nature,to read, yoga, etc etc...
Well Kelly, I love them too. ;-)
Who am I? I'm a belgian, living in Antwerp(en), Belgium.I write with several inmates by now. You are the only woman. -smile-
Just turned 65, but don't look it and neither the spirit is old...
I am divorced now for 5 yrs and we have 2 daughters/ a 32 one and the other daughter is 34.
As a couple we lived 7 yrs in the States( Utah and Ohio) and also almost 6 yrs in Argentina, Buenos Aires.
Now we're good friends and he still lives there.
I am creative: to say, i'm a painter, a musician (i play piano) and i won a course to learn to write. Also poetry is taught. The teacher is a writer herself.
So we too have to read a lot! And write. My essay is now about: 'Tango'.
Well, have a peaceful day and we'll talk further later.
Make the best of it, Kelly!
A saying for you: 'Love is sharing a part of yourself with others'.
Thank you for your nice words en encouragemants to keep on following and commenting to your blog.
I think you're right when you say you should be allowed to write to other inmates.
I feel quite powerless to do something about this, but I can encourage you to fight for this, of course in a positive and not aggressive way. Aren't there organizations in the US that are concerned with inmates' rights? Guess this is a long-time project! Things are sometimes so slow to change...
I'm following your blog, you give me in your way some kind of positive energy. Life is not easy in prison I can imagine. Much conflicts and cheating and so on. I pray for you, do you pray for me?
Thanks for your blessings!
little_pilgrim
I read with a lot of interest your comments. Like little pilgrim said, you outer a positive energie, me too i can feel this.
Too bad you perceive that much adversiness at your place.
People should see your personel worth and nothing else, I would say.
But same energies attract, it is said.
George, who is an activist, is now writing- he has a good pen!- to instances for the right of inmates too. Since they withhold some responses from people on his blog!
I will ask him by letter, whom you should appeal for it, concerning writing to other inmates; and me too, i don't see the point why that cant' be done.
A saying for you today: 'An open mind collects the most nectar'
Follow always your hearts voice, Kelly! ;-)
I can feel the two of us could relate real well, together!:-)
The feeling i had, was you were lesbian. I knew you were tall. But you certainly have a great personality.
Know what happened lately? I was standing on a tram. And in front of me sat a handsome man middle aged. I noticed his head. He was not heading towards me. Then i saw his nuded legs, somewhat with nylon blue color stockings... I thought he had shorts; it wasn't too warm though that day. His leg shape was elegant and rather thin.
Then he suddenly stood up and.... we all looked at him; under his raincoat vest he had a dark blue skirt. And those legs from an elegant women! He stepped out of the tram. Had I been waiting at the stop he waited... -people glaring at him...- I would have talked with him. Because I admired his courage to stand for his beliefs.
Most probably people made fun of him?....
Anyway, this event was somewhat unusual for me. But then again, in my painting lessons we learned "to see". ;-)
I guess we'll become real good friends. :-D
You speak right from the heart, and I always have the habit to do so too.
Suddenly it feels a little strange to me since i know now you're a man, but one with a women's soul.
Help me a little here and explain me how you like me to approach you? You have to realise that it sounds a bit complicated for an outsider, no?
I wonder how you look like, Kelly?
Can you describe yourself or place a photo?
It's still ok if you don't like to place one.
Know what, i can send a photo of me in a
letter, because 'to see' a person learns you so much more!
I just came from our coast. Mom and me were there for three days.Finally the weather has a springtime feeling!
Kelly, I imagine you only have men surrounding you; it mustn't be easy being there and certainly not, feeling a woman inside. You hadn't an easy going life...
Always welcome to tell me more about yourself?
My saying for today: There's no point having wishes if you don't at least try to do them.- Sally Nicholls
Wrong turns are as important as right turns. More important sometimes.- Richard Bach
There are low spots in our lives, but there are also high spots and most of them have come through encouragement from someone else.- George M. Adams
Have fine moments in your life, Kelly!
keep being the very way you are; you are unique.. i' m telling you, ok?!
It's like I feel your special energy, and that's just cool, haha
You know, I promiss to write you a letter from Belgium. With a photo and how Antwerp where I live,looks like. Just let me go over my jetlag first, arriving in my country, the 11th of July and than I need a week or so to adjust.
Well yes Kelly, I see much positiveness in you. Keep that growing. Maybe trying to take calmth and 'silence' in your being. Like in times you read a book. And I know you enjoy reading books!! Which one you read right now? I LOVE reading books!!! Always 'searching' time to do it though...
Here I was pretty busy visiting George in the correctional center. We've a great time enjoying each other's company!! I ususally hand him over some magazines; he loves !!! fashion and i'll give him a Vanity Fair. Also being an activist, he loves history, politics and does chess games with opponents in the free world. He studies chess.
Well, at my first B&B I got them for free ( those magazines) from the people there. Also magazines 'The Newyorker'. I've 2 more visits to go. The last visit he gets sad, ... I know him.:-(
I told you he might be free in September or in Oktober!? His PB was replaced, because the 4th of July. But I got 6 hrs at the other hand; on the 4th I only had had 4hrs.
When visiting, I saw five prisoners being released!!2 black men greeted me and they seemed so very happy!I was moved by it.
Know what? Kurt was my ex neighbor in Belgium, While I moved and live now another place. He is a travestite. And he is married with Thomas. They are a nice couple and very friendly people. He used to dress himself as a girl when he was small, he told me one day.
People should remain themselves, whatever you feel like. It's your own freedom.
Today I went to the museum of one of the greatest poets of America! Carl Sandburg; his parents came from Sweden.I like poetry. He wrote also prose, songs for children, he was an activist, (such as George whose mom is also half Swedish/half Fin(n)ish. He won the Pulitzer price for the biography of Lincoln's life!A socialist, a philosopher and he was a poet for the people.I bought 2 books at the museum. And visisted his very small birthplace and took some pictures there too.
Somebody who visited Belgium, interviewed me there and would write an article for his local magazine having to do the writer. I should send him by mail some photos of my paintings too!
Well,have nice days ahead of you, Kelly;you create for a big deal your own life, remember that!Be kind to people and they'll be kind in return. George is living that way... and he is locked up for so many yrs!!!
a friendly hug from Rita!
I was glad to hear some news of you! Stay strong!
No,I do not know Little Pilgrim
We hope for the best!!
If so, I will help him to do that!That is then my mission. ;-)))
Happy to hear from you again! Sad to hear you're in a bad mood. Well take it easy for a while, like Rita says, the struggle you are fighting can be taken up again later when you feel better about it. No, I don't know Rita, but yes I do live in Belgium too. That's really special, don't you think so, Rita? Lately I asked you, Kelly, if you do some meditation because I do and it strengthens me very much. It's a question of finding your basic strength within yourself. I believe within oneself there is down deep a place where it's always peaceful. It's the place where I feel God lives in. Don't know if you believe in God and I'm sure He loves you too as you are His child too. I didn't tell you yet but I'm always using a wheelchair and for me it has been and still is a struggle to be satisfied with what I have. I can imagine this is hardly possible when you're in prison, but I think it's not completely impossible to find a bit of peace with yourself too. Just a thought of mine, feel free to do with it what you want. Thank you for the hugs, I return them to you with much gratitude and love,
Late late happy Birthday! Kelly!!!!
I will write you pretty soon on the blog!
My computer is in repair! I've to write in libraries and such.
A big and friendly hug! Rita
what's up?!Here I do have some time on another computer.
Did you get my second letter, Kelly? Well, i will number them, so you know if a lettere is lost.
I could read very clearly your writing; I hope mine was the same? :-)
Your photo is here to see every day. My ex thougt you had something Indian in your features... and no arms.. haha... Well, you hide them so very good behind your back. Chucle.
Kelly, I've not that good news... George wasn't released. He only had 2 votes(judges are men and women)and he needs minimum 7 votes on 13 judges.
I wrote a not too nice letter to his lawyer.
I heard they read my letter in the beginnnig of the paroling.
Next letter will be harder, but ALSO thanking those 2 people who showed mercy and empathy.
Do they have sons? Is it all about vengeance? Can there be forgiving?
Won't they have one day regrets for not perdoning a person that long in jail and able to be released in society?
They have the "responsability" in their hands to give a man his liberty.
Can they live with their conciousness, denying one's further life, while they have theirs?
Can't they grant a couple to be having a part of their life and to be happy together?
Well, all subjects I will aboard next time.
He has next year a new PB.
But what's the gain, if most are the same judges!?
His dad of 90 thinks he'll never will be free...:-(
He'd like to die, only when he's out.
I read you have to go in the hole.... Why is that, Kelly?
What is different then? Can you still write letters?
Tell me Kelly, is there a long time between our writings on your blog and you receiving it? How much later is that in time?
I will visit my daughter in California and next George, in Illinois.
I am leaving on the 29th of November and will stay at Leslie's till the 19th of December. The 20th of December I'll fly to Chicago and am one day in an hotel there.
Then the next day I am taking the Amtrak (train) and ride to Galesburg. I will visit him 6 days in December and 6 days in January. I can celebrate the holidays in America!!!
On the 10th of the new year I fly home.
Take very well care of yourself Kelly, help yourself and others!
a super big hug from Rita! :-)
x rita
i read your letter today, on the 19th of January.
What happened you had an eye problem? Tell me also in short what the reason was you were in segregation, Kelly?
A prisoner Cuhua, ever told me it was quiet in there, because he was fed up with the constantly noise where he usually was at!
Yes I'm back, from CA at my daughter's and the 2 kids! I had a most lovely staying there and I knew again what a grandmother felt like! :-))
They grew! And they are energetic kids with a lot of humor too.
We did outings and several activities together. My daughter has a site for free on internet, where she teaches you Dutch in a fun way; Dutch that stick!
She has many students in America as well as in Europe!
If Little Pilgrim likes to have the site,just give me a sign, ok?
Then I flew to Illinois, Chicago (have you been there Kelly?), slept one night in an hotel and the next day I took the Amtrak(3 hrs)to Galesburg, where George is at.
What a nice reunion we had!!It feels as if I live every day with him.;-)
I will give him your greetings and the energy, Kelly. I am sure you would be good friends with him.
I had the 6 hrs visit! And we had 12 days of those! He is working to reduce those vending machine prices! They ARE expensive!!!!
All he can do is try at least.
In the visiting room -(those people were visiting Colin; he was transfered just for a few days)- I made new friends. I spoke with them at our hotel. Exactly on Christmas Day. On a holliday I didn't do any visits, because then I got only 4 hours.
The parents of 38-yr old Colin had listened to our conversation and noticed George was such an animated and charming man. Which I agree, haha.
It proved later that Colin likes politics, is also a runner and also plays the guitar as George. He was a painter just as me too!
Therefore Sallie and Philip will stay in contact with me.
In 2 yrs he will be free and the he will go on George's blog.
While in CA it was warm, till 4pm when it cools off and in Illinois it was cold!!!
Won't go there anymore in winter time!
Kelly, what do you mean with O Neida? Yes, I defenitely see the Cherokee blood! :-)) Did you write Latino?? I saw something Indian from India.
Can you see something in my face from my possible roots, Kelly? Wonder.
Kelly, did you got my letter now???
Best wishes for a bright New Year!
a warm embrace from Rita
George's prefered magazine was also Vanity Fair!:-) He stopped having them, becaise he missed one and told them- they never even answered!
He LOVES fashion!!!! He tells me he is vain. Is he? Yes, he is. But a nice way of being vain. -smile-
The good news is: he has another PB in August!!
A friend of his (a few yrs younger then him) had a no for PB and would have to come back in THREE yrs! :-(((
On the 21st of January our oldest daughter Elke will give birth to their first child!!!
It is quite heavy and lies not in the good way, so a caesarian will bring the baby on earth. I'm quite excited!
I guess it will be a baby boy and I believe I know the name they'll give? :-o
stay cool, and be brave! :-))) Rita
That's been a very long time we talked! I had to renew my password too. I reread a letter of yours. My hair color? i'm red haired normally but with the age it became auburn, which I loved!Now I use henna, that's natural en feeds the hair. I now go for another style of hair: a carré cut. Says you enough?
Have you heard from martine?
You read why we stopped contact?
I've many new friends since!
How about you, dear friend?? I received the news you would chhange places? A better place for you to stay, i hope! People were so mean to you because of you being gay!!That'z so very low...
You had such hard times I read. All by ignorence.
I miss your letters though. Your 4 clover is still laying here and hopefully it brings luck; to me and George.
Let me explain some. The man who had the interview with him and Jessica returned to the other 14 jury members. He made one by one warm to give their pro vote for him. One member even said: 'I'd like George to be my neighbor'.:))
Then a law center would look for help to him as a ex-prisoner. Then they looked for the exact person to do the psychological and health test. As they last had a person(woman) who taked with George about politics! So the test wasn't valid. He had to come back in a year...
Now I heard they found that person, but he couldn't come right away. So we have to wait longer then end September/beginning Oktober to hear the final result. I hold my heart.
You knew George was offered a job by the boss of his dad, did you?
The same job. His dad turned lately 91! I called him.;)
George has now a good friend, William.I met this man in Galesburg, through another man I slightly knew, Ray, a black.They live in the same apartment. He has a PhD in Psychology and Science.Like George has a bachelor of Science as well.
William writes with George and helps him! He says George has a gift in writing! And he should use it! He also follows now a writing course.He'd like to move to Canada.He's a nice fellow and a good friend of both of us now.
I just came home from my Italian course. I dance Zumba now; do you know it? I get sweating from it!! In another group I follow another semi Zumba with carol; She had cancer and speaks Flemisch with a NICE AMERICAN accent!:))) Still go to my yoga group as well.
I'd like to hear how all goes in your life, Kelly???
Sweet hug from Rita xxx