As I prepare for my parole hearing, I must reflect on my life to this point & ask myself what my expectations are. Everyone in the hearing room will know my crime, what I have done in prison, & what I plan to do once released. But the question on their hearts will be whether I deserve yet another chance.

I am not certain I deserve another chance at my life outside of prison. I count my blessings from the very day I was born, my bad decisions from shortly thereafter. To say I deserve to be released is to put a price on the life I took & those I destroyed & to say that I have paid that price. Who can do that but the Creator of life?

I completely understand & respect society's right to live in peace, free from the threat of harm I posed. I believe it is only natural that a species with the intelligence of man & the desire to survive would erect tall walls & gun towers around those who behaved as I did. I also believe that, should society choose to give certain offenders another chance at freedom, it has the right to insist that those offenders make significant changes in their thinking & behavior patterns, & that they develop insight into why they behaved in antisocial ways & skills to copy with the triggers which preceded such behavior. For without these skills, nothing has changed about the offender save his age.

In my process I am gaining incredible insight into myself, my behaviors, & my triggers. I am learning about my decisions & taking opportunities to make good ones. I am planning only to succeed, to live in peace & allow others to do the same. I now loathe my past behaviors & thoughts & am ashamed of them

Though I hope it does not happen, I will accept society's rejection should it choose to keep me locked away. However, if it is truly positive change which society favors in choosing whom to release from prison, I have faith that I will soon be gifted the final opportunity to live free.