Another Rough Day in Prison

August 13, 2014: 12:00pm: Listening to: silhouette of a life by: 10 years

I had hoped to have something positive, maybe even uplifting to talk about but sadly I don't. I called my mom this morning, for our every other Wednesday morning phone call and my brother answers. I said why are you answering the phone when mom's supposed to have it. Long story short, my mom is in the I.C.U. on a ventilator right now. She was having trouble breathing so they called 911. She had a massive seizure in the emergency room & my brother told me that they gave our mom enough ativan and valium to put a horse to sleep & she was still flailing around. He thought that she was going to die last night. I can't imagine a life without my mom. I would give my life, sell my soul, anything to help save my mom. We have always been close & I'd do anything for her. And right now I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. My brother JJ has to deal with this, just him and our dad. Today was the first time he has ever cried to me on the phone and he has the nerve to apologise to me for being stressed out. I wish I could be there to help him, our mom and to take some of this stress off of his shoulders. My mom has never been a perfect mom. She has abused drugs and alcohol most of her life. She is finally clean after over 30 years. Was so hard for her to get clean. She has always loved working. My mom was once an amazing mechanic. But it's a hard career choice for a woman. Very physically demanding job but mom did it for over 20 years. She was also a nurse's aide once and worked in nursing homes. My mom wound up getting hepatitis C in the early 1980's from a blood transfusion. After my murder trial, mom did the treatments and beat the hep C. Then she had a drug addiction to beat, then an alcohol addiction she had to overcome. Then she fought and beat leukaemia, then she got her hip replacement surgery so she could walk again and now this new nightmare. She was supposed to have a brain surgery to hopefully eliminate her seizures but she can't since she has some type of lymphoma. She had a bone marrow test done on 8-6 to find out what type and how serious. I am very worried right now. No one, no child wants to lose their mom. My mom has always been there for me, always been there for her family. And I am terrified of losing her. I remember being a little kid in elementary school and being a brat so I'd get suspended on purpose. I would get 3 days of out of school suspension just so my mom would either have to take me to work with her or stay home with me. The times we stayed home, we would play a board game called Othello, and watch the young and the restless. She loved that show. We would clean the house and cook together. If she made me go to work with her she would put me to work helping her get parts for the cars she was fixing or cleaning out the customers' cars while she fixed them. I loved getting suspended, gave me more time to spend with my mom. I had three brothers and a sister to compete with so when I was suspended, it was just me and my mom. I grew up hating my little brother. I don't think I ever told him this but he reads my blogs. As a child I hated him because he was the baby. JJ was our mom's baby and he got all the attention. My brother who died, Eric, he got attention because he had muscular dystrophy, and my older brother Jerry was the oldest and Dawn was the only girl. So they all got attention. But me, I was just Robby, so I got the bare minimum. That's how I saw it anyway as a child. I would torment my little brother terribly, I would bully him, all because I was jealous of him. We didn't grow close until the later 1990's. He became a man I love very much, someone I admire, respect and look up to now. I thank God for him and for our growing relationship. He is a good man and a great father to baby Lucy. But he is handling a lot of this on his own & I wish I oculd be there for him and our mom. Every day I pray for my mom, I pray for her to be healed and to come home. I try to remember to pray the rosary every day. My prayers are never for myself, right now all that matters is my mom and daughter. Well I just had that on my mind so I thank you for listening. My mom is a good woman, she is the kind of woman who pulls over on a dark road to help a broken down car, which she'll always try to fix for free. That's just who she is. I ask anyone reading, please pray for my mom to get better. Her family continues to need her, especially her 6 grandkids (4 boys and 2 girls). Her name is Beverly Brown (née Pezzeca). I thank you all for your prayers, and mom would too. Take care, and God bless. Ciao.