1/11/17: 4:30pm: Listening to: All of me By: John Legend
Dear Alyssa,
Hi, how are you? I hope good. I received your comments today and I must say, you asked a question no other woman has ever asked me. It won't be easy to answer but I will. Thank you for reading what I write, and for finally sending me a comment. Took you long enough (: Just kidding. But as to your question, I'm a 40 year old man, I haven't been with a woman since August 11, 1998, I love my justice, but she has been buried for over 15 years now. You get lonely in here. As a heterosexual man, you get lonely, you ache for a woman's attention, her love, her trust, her time, her devotion, you ache to be in her life, a part of her world. You feel left out from society and you need to belong with someone again. this is just 1 reason why the pen pal website industry is so large. I've been in prison for about 18 1/2 years now and fo me, the way I deal with missing a woman is to seek them out. You look for friends, more than friends, someone who is just as horny as you are. Some men seek out other men in here, some become out in the open perverts (meaning there are men in here who frequently masturbate in front of women and they want to get caught by the women, and they do). Take me for example, I look for friends to help fill the hole in my heart. But at the same time, I am also looking for a woman who finds me attractive and feels empty inside like I do. Someone I can connect with on an emotional level in order to form a friendship and possibly more. You asked, do I think men change not being around women, yes I do. we become harder. There is no man for us to show our softer side to so we all become tough guys in here. Not all but a lot. I have 3 female friends. I am not involved with any of them past a friendship. We do not flirty, we do not talk or write sexually to each other but I like having them in my life and I love hearing their stories, I live a piece of my life through them. I have a friend, AJ, he did 16 years in here. He came here when he was 16. He got out and just 5 years later, he is married to a beautiful woman Tara, and they just had their first child, but I have seen a lot of men go home and the first thing they do is seek out a woman. It's more than just sex, they ache for a woman's attention, her tough, everything physical but also the emotional side as well. I have seen men who went home after 20+ years in here who were afraid of being with a woman intimately. I really don't think I am allowed to speak my mind as bluntly as I am used to or would like to on BtB, I don't think they would put it on the site. If you want me to explain it without trying to sugarcoat it, I would need an address to mail it to. I wouldn't want to upset the people who run this site, this site has done so much for me and I wouldn't want to betray them by violating their rules.
I haven't even kissed a woman since coming to prison. My last kiss was 9/11/98. And yes, I would be nervous to kiss another woman. I fantasize about it every day, her scent, her lips, her taste, I could go on & on. I ache for a woman's touch again. Even if it's just a simple kiss, a hug, something that connects me to a woman again. Not just letters, phone calls, something more. I told them here a few times, first, I live alone. I live with no man. But if I were to ever take a cell mate, there are only 2 conditions that would make me do this. 1: it's required for me to go home one day, or 2: my cell mate would be a woman. In prison Alyssa, all men think of are women, sex, having a delicious woman in our arms. I imagine it every day.
Most men in here ache inside for a woman. Not just down there either, we ache from our hearts, our minds, our emotions. I certainly do. I ache to be loved by a woman again, needed, desired, appreciated but in here, it is just so hard to meet women. All men in prison masturbate, if they say they don't, they must have no sex drive Alyssa.
I have answered your questions the best I can for now. To go in depth, I would need a mailing address but I hope I did okay for you. SO you tell me, what is your research for? Just curious. I'm full of answers and you can ask what you want. You said you would like to see a blog post on this sometime, well I am a man of my word, one day I will do just that. I will write about how a man yearns for a woman while in here. I was 21, prime of my life, sex every day, 4 times a day with Justine, to then come here, be ripped from her arms, to never feel her, or any woman's touch again, it makes you feel unworthy, unwanted, not desired. I might not be the hottest guy but I think I am attractive and yet I still ache for a woman's touch, a woman's love, a woman's attention in my life. We look to fill the hole that is empty from no female contact. I hope you liked my answer, it does come from my heart. I have to go, I have law library in less than 10 minutes so for not I say take care of yourself, and I hope to hear from you again. God Bless, Ciao.
PS: anyone can sign up to e-mail me directly at: www.gtl.net/padoc (step by step instructions)
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