#247 Reply I.D. jkwj

Response to Alyssa, Part 2
dated 14 Feb. 2017

Hi-diddle-ho, Alyssa-rino!
Well, just like Donald Chump, flattery will get you somewhere with me. Glad my essay helped; looking back, it could have been better....
You do know I'm diagnosed (wrongly, see earlier posts on it around May & June 2016) as a psychopath with narcissistic features. With that in mind, & that I take wellbutrin (without it, I'd be overwhelmed by this depressing atmosphere....), I think it's apparent that I'm a sociable person, not scared of intimacy, actually seek it vigorously. It may be that I'm abnormally resilient to the violent, hypocritical, treacherous, inhumane prison environments I've been in these last 19 years. That is, I think my case.
You can get a glimpse at my early life & rotten experiences here in my poetry/song/art book, Em Daer, Vol. 1, on prisoninmates.com/NateLindell303724. I'd appreciate it if you'd link Em Daer Vol. 1 to your facebook page too, as I want it read/shared.
Some more input/answers for you.
1) Keep in mind how hypersensitive/overreactive we can get, emotionally, which may or may not last out of prison. In my case, I desire intimacy, sure, physical, but - as cheesy & fake as it may sound - also psychological & emotional. So I may see it where it does not actually exist, in a woman I'm writing or even staff. It's not fun for me, worrying if I'm seeing mirages of potential intimacy, like someone in a desert seeing mirages of oasises. Some solve this problem by, as you said, becoming more reserved, whereas my attitude is C'est la via: if I fuck up, I fuck up "File a restrainin' order on me!"
2) There are no conjugal visits in WI. There are in Louisiana, & I suggest that you look up a fellow lifer there Robery Hyde ("Maestro"), who may be smarter than me ( - but not funnier!) & is a better artist (believe it or not). He's be willing to truthfully answer your queries.
I can tell you how I acted when I merely had a committed girlfriend. I refrained from fucking people up who normally I would have: didn't want to miss calls with her/them (one at a time, but I've had several) & I was more relaxed, calmer. If conjugal visits were allowed, our relationships may have lasted (as you may know better than I, at least some women absolutely need physical affection, to be held, comforted, to have them bodies loved by another - this is why so many women go gay for the stay, which a female psychologist here who worked in an Oregon female prison agreed with me is true).
That may answer your question "Do men who have a significant other...act...differently...."
Hey, you want me "to be as comfortable as possible"? Having read my blog, do you really think I might feel uncomfortable honestly discussing anything?!
You know, my vanished best-friend (get to her in a bit) sent me some Victorian porn stories, then asked if I wanted the gay parts too, to which I said "no". I wonder if she imagined that because I'm in prison I might not be able to go without sex & thus have sex with me? As I previously explained, that is not the case, at least with some cultures/groups. Why that is is another story.
3) Porn isn't allowed in WI, or the feds, but we get it smuggled in. They banned it because they claimed it'd make us fuck our cellies & rape guards. We sued 'em over it - case was Aiello V. Litscher, W.D Wis. U.S. Court. Bunch of rabbis represented us & stuck us with a crappy settlement, where the only nips we can see are men's & the only junk we can see is in medical or "serious" art books that don't "feature" nudity.
It was/is b.s.! The last thing I wanted to do was look at one of the hag guards when I had a Hustler to look at! (I love their jokes too!) Anyone who'd rape someone would do that anyway, even more so without porn to rub several out to. And, after they took porn away, scum who masturbate at staff against staff's wishes became such an epidemic that a law was used here to prosecute them.
If you look at the fed law (forget it's name) that prohibited using fed money (most states get such for their prisons) to play/broadcast R-rated movies, porn, you'll see that W. Bush & Christian crusaders were behind it, the same weirdos who think porn is "evil;". The same crusaders pushed a wave of porn bans across state-prison systems, from Texas to WI.
By the way, guys on death row in the feds, in Terre Haute U.S.P., where I resided in 2015, do have porn: magazines + DVDs (they have DVD players in their cells). Crooked guards. A DVD goes for between 100-200 dollars, depending how hardcore it is. Those guys some whom I spoke to, are convicted of "brutal" murders, chopping bodies up; one guy, who beat the d.p., tied a cellie up, stabbed him, fucked him in the stab wounds, then later did it to another cellie (is that gay? Can you get herpes from that?)
Man, American Curves was the best we could get, & those a-holes done shut down. I can't work with the big-booty-bitches magazines that are about the only soft-porn left. FHM, Maxim & stuff are weak. I miss them flat asses in ^ :(
4) Is masturbation allowed openly? Uh, WTF kinda question is that? No, there's not a jerk-off group, like a yoga group, where we all get together + bukake on imaginary women. If someone masturbates around me, + I'm not in sec, I'm gonna slap their dick off, then go wash my hand. That's kinda rude, masturbating in someone's presence, who doesn't want to be part of that, such as me, unless it's a woman I'm into.
5) Some men do abstain from masturbation. Long ago, 20+ years, when I was in jail, I didn't masturbate once, for over a year. I was into Christianity at the time & thought doing so was a sin. Wasn't a struggle, nor was I as violent as I had been, because I was brainwashing myself. Even now, masturbation doesn't "relax" me - I need a woman who I care about & who cares about me for that; it's love that soothes, me at least. Masturbation is just easing a sexual drive/instinct.
Since I can't think of anything else to say...There is one more thing!
Look at my buddy Daniel Tutka's messages under my 18 Sept. 2016 post, "The Prison System Wants you!" for an example of "true love". Dan's a boyscout, naive, which is what it takes to have "true love", well, sorta.
Alrighty then,

-finis-

Now a personal note,
I am concerned about that ghosted friend, & would like you to do me the favor of looking her up on social media & simply as her, "Nate would like to know if you're okay?"
The reason I ask this is her private business, so I don't want to break confidentiality. Maybe I'm overreacting, but her last couple letters sounded fed up, depressed; she said she'd be writing soon, then nothing for 3 months. We've been writing for over two years, about stuff she didn't even discuss with her boyfriends, so ghosting is out of her character. If she's just being inconsiderate, I can deal with that, same if she suddenly doesn't want anything to do with me. But I'd like to know that she's okay.
Her name's Archelle, & she's linked to my instagram.com/PrometheusWrites page, which she "runs" (she hasn't put shit up yet). If that's not enough to find her, please consider writing me so I can send you more info & you can find her Facebook page, then ask ^.
And I'm reluctant to ask this, but...a guy broke her heart, she was all in tears, started seeing a therapist....I don't want to say more.
See, this is one of those situations where I don't know if I'm overstepping.
The deal is, I'm attracted to her, mainly 'cause she shared deep parts of herself with me, and I care for her. Because I care for her, & have life, my only/chief concern, relationship wise, is that the man she's with out there is treating her right. I kinda feel like an older brother sometimes, but one willing to engage in incest. (Ha ha ha)
Oh, look up Dr. Michael Zigmond @ the U' of Pittsburgh. He's a neurologist studying prison issues & he might like to see your final paper. I would like to see it too!

Regards,

You may write me at:
Nate A. Lindell #303724
WSPF
P.O. Box 9900
Boscobel, WI
53805-0901

C/O jmail.cc, if you don't want me to have your street address

P.S. Look up my old acquaintance Robert Lee Reed, in the KA or MO prison system. He's been in NY, WI, KA, MO & fed prisons, can tell you even more. Let him know "Nate wrote, but multiple fed agents took 5 months to Return to Sender".