Personal Journal

3/19/18 Mon.
Stomach still a little weak but I'm better today. Lost at least ten pounds, maybe a lot more. I couldn't even keep water down for a couple of days.

Jimmy's going to go over today to see how he did on the Tabe test if he gets out of bed. He was up and down most of the night. Mostly up.

I finished up a pencil drawing of John Wayne and did another drawing for Jimmy's mother, Marilyn.

3/20/18 Tues.
Dreams of riding the bus home at three or four in the morning, the in-between hours just before pre dawn with the lost, the homeless, the confused. Who am I? I feel like a child. I live in an imaginary world. I fear the real world. How did I end up here?

I stayed on the yard until noon yesterday. It was a nice sunny day. Stayed in the dayroom until 3:30. My brain stopped working AGAIN. Got lost for a minute.

Jimmy passed his Tabe test. 9.9 except for math (8.5), so he can finish up high school now. :)

I got a pass for CTC telemed at 8:50 today. Not sure if it's for arthritis or my lungs. I was supposed to see the lung doctor in February, but he wanted new x-rays and an ultra sound of my lung first to see what kind of treatment he wants me on.

3/21/18 Wed.
It started raining yesterday afternoon and it's still going this morning. Not raining that hard right now but everything's wet. I like it when everything is wet. Makes it look and smell so clean. I don't know if I'm going out walking in it today or not.

I saw the opthermatologist yesterday and he's putting me on a medication called prednisome. It's a steroid medication that weakens the immune system, making it easier to get an infection. I can't even start it if I have a cold. I love to see my primary care doctor before I can start, so two to three weeks, there and then, he only wants me on it for three weeks to see how it works for me while he takes blood tests and x-rays.

3/22/18 Thurs.
They moved me to the first tier yesterday. I'm still in shock. The cell is set opposite of the old one. I lived in the old one for more than ten years, so everything is backwards for me. :) It's going to take some getting used to. I had friends help me pack and they carried everything down. I didn't realize I had accumulated so much. :) Now I have to see what I can get rid of. This cell is a lot brighter with a better view at ground level.

It was a surprise for Jimmy when he came back from school. He'll get used to it. He only has a few months left on his time. :)

It's still raining today. Looks real nice and close hitting the ground from here. Think I'll stay inside today. Some days are just long, especially those spent alone.

3/23/18 Friday
They say your brain is full of synapses and neurons. Too bad there's not much room for anything else. :)

It takes me about an hour in the morning to work the stiffness (soreness) out of my hands and fingers so I can close them some and use them. Put up hooks for clothes yesterday. Today I'll put some up to have my pictures on and maybe a shelf or two. Don't want to do too much. These people will think I'm able to work again.

Fight the good fight. Take a deep breath. Live and love in each moment. Hold onto gratitude. Try to be happy. Here in the midst of turmoil.

3/24/18 Sat.
Thinkers, takers, haters, dunkers, mad doggers. If the weather didn't change once in a while, 90% of us wouldn't be able to start a conversation. It looks nice outside this morning. Still cloudy but it's not raining at the moment. :) I enjoy the rain. In my new cell, I enjoy watching it out the window more.

I did manage to do a little painting yesterday. I'm working on this motel at night with the sign late up.

Ain't it funny how time just slips right away. (E.P.)

3/25/18
Went to bed late. Got up late. Still don't have a damn thing to write about. The only thing changing here is the time of day.

You're young and fully of vigor. One day you look in the mirror, the next morning there's an old man staring back at you. You ask yourself whatever happened to so-n-so who was your best friend once? And that woman she loved, you know the one that said she would always be there? You wonder where she is now and if she ever dreams about you the way you still dream about her, and you fight back the tears and begin another day.

New cell#

Steve J. Burkett #B-14364
M.C.S.P. C-11-120 Low
Box 409060
Ione, CA 95640

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I have smelled
the fresh fragrances
of the first blooms
of spring
I have felt
the cool wind of fall
blowing in the trees
on lonely days
I have seen
the first raindrops
of winter
on city sidewalks
I have tasted
the sweetness
of warm wine
on summer days
I have held you
in a loving embrace
where just for a moment
I felt you thinking of me

Steve Burkett
3/24/18