SARA JANE ALVARADO
This is dedicated to my sons.
Thor Rowan Stanger
Loki Elirik Stanger
Gene Ryo Stanger
Jason K'Talis Luedecke
Zander Gene Luedecke
You don't know it just now, but I want to tell you with everything in me, my love for you exceeds anything beyond measure or even understanding. I know that I have made mistakes that might cause you to doubt my love for you, but make no mistake that my love is both unfailing and unconditional. I doubt you would ever understand why I love you with every ounce of myself which will never be described in mere words. I barely understand it. I do know, however, that when the time comes and I am there to look at each of you in the eyes and tell you face to face that I love you please know that even before you were a thought in my mind or a sparkle in my eyes, I loved you even then. I may not know anything about you as I write to you because sometimes life happens and things take place entirely outside of our control, but I will tell you that there is absolutely nothing in this world that would change or take away my love for you. Each of you has played a role in my choosing to commit myself to something like this. I know it has been an extremely long journey for all of us. I wrote this long before it ever went to the publisher. I know once it is published, it will be great because it is driven by my love for you. Even if I can not impart nothing else to you for the rest of my life, I want each of you to know that you have always been and always will be my heroes. You are the reason why I live each and every day. The reason why I breathe. I love you always and forever and even when your sure of nothing else about life, this one thing you can always be sure of.
Until Forever Dies
My feathers continued to fall...
I know nothing but the pain they caused;
it takes my all.
My eyes cried tears of blood...
I knew nothing but the pain they left behind;
there is no sense of time.
My body is damaged beyond repair...
I know nothing but the agony that fills me;
there is nothing else.
How can you give an angel back his wings
when he is the worst of all sinners
How can you wipe the tears from his eyes
when even the blood stains his soul
How can you heal his body when there is nothing but an empty shell
I crashed like thunder as I landed...
unable to stand and left so stranded;
there is no thought in my head.
I screamed too loud, full of agony...
too much pain it consumes me;
there is nothing else but this.
I tried to run from the sight of myself...
Knowing I had been condemned to hell
there is nothing left but guilt.
How can you take away the guilt that lines this empty shell
unwillingness to give in
to this life altering fight
feeling its warmth
since the day
we were known
happiness inside of me
no longer exists
has dragged me down
to the darkest pit
with the pain I hide
wearing this mask
that shows only my eyes
there it lies
within my eyes
all the things
I've always tried to hide
keeping myself composed
while walking alone
running faster than
I've ever known
betrayed by all
loved by none
can't show emotions
won't let these tears run
this blood stained veil
that covers me
and hides my true self
nomadic in nature
with no true home
looking for that
which I've never known
to leave behind
the blood on my hands
the kind I hide
the choice I made
gives way to regret
My name is Fallun Grigorini. I am that which I am. My nature is to survive, although it is not by choice. I survive the only way I know how. Wandering. I am a nomad of sorts. I take what I need from the places I come to. I always move on before I am noticed; before someone has a chance to see me and who or what I really am.
I've stood on the edge of this cliff letting time pass. The humans move through it like ripples made with a pebble as one throws it into a pond. How can I even begin to question the beginning or end of so many things which I have no control over?
Humans have moved past me with a certainty I am nothing more than a shadow in the dark of night or a trick played on their eyes. The few who have seen me and my true nature, have never lived past the point of my lips moving across their skin.
Like any story, some believe the best place to tell it is from the beginning. For me, however, I have no beginning to my own knowledge. I only know the first memories I have.
PART ONE: CHAPTER ONE
"Eden," Lucifer beckoned to me. "You must do as I ask of you. You're one of my best warrior angels. I need you to fight alongside Apollyon and myself. Do you honestly think I can take no for an answer? No, not with Michael and Gabriel, who are by far the best fighters in all the legions of heaven. Michael is second to me, but his skills can't be matched."
"I want no part of this! How do you expect me to rebel against our Creator of all things? You don't know what it is you ask of me, do you Lucifer? You think it is easy to do as you have asked of me, to wrong someone who has never wronged me? THIS IS PURE MADNESS!
"Since the day I cam to be..." I could hear the frustration lining my voice as I spoke. "God has never wronged me or done anything to make me feel like you have just cause for what you ask! How can you ask this of me, knowing I have no personal reasons to do so? Furthermore, neither do you!" I spoke with anguish and anger.
"Eden, don't you see? I was made from the beginning, and I know there is just cause for my actions. I've seen the things our Creator has done. All for the unnecessary innocent blood He has spilled as a means to fulfil His purposes, when in fact there is absolutely no reason for these things. This purpose He claims is so just has never been known to me. How do you expect me to overlook such things by leading a third of heaven, those angels under my command to their very destruction simply because He so decrees it?
"Or do you honestly believe I would bring harm to you or ask of you something like this without reason to do so? Don't make me plead my cause or point of view in such a way that even I appear vulnerable. Far be it from me to cause
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