Reply ID: up4h
Hello, Kyla. Thank you for writing back to me.
About your depression and its cause: I can relate and it saddens me that people who say they love and care for us treat us like shit. Unfortunately, broken people break people. I believed everyone's opinion about who I was and never bothered to figure out who I am for myself.
I was told that I was ugly, stupid, should have been a girl, incorrigible, and the list could go on. I stopped trying and believed that something was wrong with me and I was unlovable because why else would adults that were supposed to love and encourage me didn't.
Our pain either controls us or it can be used to purify. I chose to be healed, and that starts by not claiming what isn't mine. I am so much more than my childhood wounds, my addictions, and the abandonment of my family. I am not my crimes. I love, laugh, cry, feel, and everything else in between because I choose to do so.
Kyla, I am sorry to hear that your ex-boyfriend lost his life to his addictions. I almost died a few times and I'm thankful that I made it through my self-destructive path and regained my soul and sanity. Life gets so buys that people focus on the small stuff and don't pay attention to what really matters in this life: family and friends. Human beings and even some animals ingest things to make them feel good. Feeling good is great, but when people use drugs and alcohol to stop feeling—that should be a giant red flag that they are hurting and in pain mentally.
The sadness of losing someone draws us closer to the people left in our lives.
Okay, here is some more random information about me.
I'm 43 but somewhat act like a mature 35-year-old. Born and raised in Huntington Beach, California, which is in Orange County. I've never been to Florida, but I know it's beautiful there.
I love all types of music: ska, metal, country, rap. My musical tastes are eclectic. some of my favorite bands are:
Blind Melon: Songs
Metallica: Harvester of Sorrow
Guns N Roses: Don't Cry
Sublime: Bad Fish
Nine Inch Nails: Hurt
Christ Stapleton: Tennessee Whiskey
Jamie Johnson: Cover Your Eyes
Long Beach Dub All Stars
Of course there are more, but I'll move on. My favorite TV shows are comedies.
*Life in Pieces
*Big Bang Theory
Plus, I love to watch Big Brother. I've been watching that show since it came on, and I've watched the world I knew turn into something that blows my mind. When I get out (3 1/2 years with hard work, and I can't wait), I will go to college and earn my BA in Psychology or Sociology so I can work in the recovery, drug, and alcohol field. I know what it's like to be out of control.
I love to read fiction and non-fiction books, write bad poetry and short stories. I'm sending a new one that I wrote called Bum Bob. Let me know what you think.
My days are filled with work. Laundry 7 AM to 2:30 PM. School 3:15-5:00 PM and 6:30 PM to 8 PM. Plus tonight (Tuesday) I'm going to my toastmaster group that helps me with public speaking.
I also like candy, and my favorite soda is Dr. Pepper.
Kyla, boomerang on the questions back at you. Please feel better and feel free to write me any time you feel like it. I'll respond and never judge you. Ask any question you would like.
Peace in the breeze,
2018 oct 11
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