4ev4
Personal Journal

2018 wasn't all that bad of a year as far as bad years in prison go - you have to remember there are no good years in prison - just some that are not as bad as others. Like that year I spend in the hole in Chino - I've been in worse but that was a bad one. I didn't get one letter during the 11 months I was there. I went back to Folsom in Dec so the b-day and Xmas cards Mel send didn't even catch up to me until after V-day. :) What I think made 2018 a not so bad year was Jimmy Lee. I sure got to liking that kid - he worked hard to make me laugh everyday - and as I've said before he was me when I was in my teens and early 20s. I haven't heard from him but I have talked to his mother and sister - he's not in jail but he is back to the same old things. We just don't know anything else - I know this because I was there and loving people who love you, care about don't help much because they just don't know what to do either.

1/31/19

I haven't written anything in a few days. I guess I don't have anything to write about right now, not feeling like getting out of bed, maybe a little discouraged because no one else has anything to say. I've decided now that I need to slow down myself. Maybe I'll change my mind later on but right now that's the way I'm feeling - maybe it's the weather - maybe I'm just spending to much time alone right now I'm just feeling sorry for myself - that happens a lot in prison.

2/8/19

Last night I got a second Valentines from my Jeannie. There's nothing like an I love you to bring one out of depression. I've got more than one project going right now - tells me I'm waking up. Painting a Painted Bunting 'Bird' for T b-day and started a painting of me rowing a boat across the lake on an ocean - not sure where yet :) but I feel good - not trying to sleep all the time. So I saw the Rheumatologist and he confirmed from blood tests that I have the gene for systemic lupus erythematosus so he says he thinks I have lupus - he still wants to run more tests. :) Meanwhile he's going to give me something for the pain to go along with the hydroxychloroquine he's got me on - I have to say it did help some during the summer :) (it's for rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and malaria - yes Malaria :) ). Now my practitioner here must approve it and the CMO. I got a new celly last night - I've already told him he was moving so start looking for a place - he's not a reg or someone I would trust with my back. I may sound like a big A hold but I have rules about cellys who they are how they act and the guy left a bar of soap on the sink. :) Who leaves soap on a stainless steel sink? :) I have told you before that I clean my cell everyday (almost) no matter how much pain I'm in. I clean the sink after everytime I use it. Today I will get back to the bird it's calling me for paint. :) I want to thank arcadinego and danielle for there beautiful post - it is always good to hear someone is reading, understanding and enjoying my personal, my poems, my love note, thank you for coming. There was a walk away from the level one yard last night so we're going to be locked down today while all the guards look for him. Maybe two or three days unless they catch him. It's suppose to rain tonight and over the week-end - right now the sky is clear. It may sound like I complain a lot at times - dam near crying - complaining in prison is the largest pass time there is as there is very little we can do about anything except complain about it. I'm not even that bad a complainer compared to some. :) Besides, if I didn't complain once in awhile what would I write about. :) My bad it is raining outside right now. :)

2/13/18

It's raining again this morning - it's a warmer rain that last week - we had a few days of cold here due to the low snow right above us in Jackson. The winds blow real hard, the razor wire is dancing on the fence. It feels warmer in the cell - a good thing, as I was painting the Painted Bunting over the last few days my hands + fingers were so cold that sometimes it felt as if any fingers could break off so I had to stop every little bit and warm them up. :) :) I did finish the bird. Today I'm going to sketch out a drawing of me paddling across a lake in a canoe, just me and the canoe surrounded by water - maybe a sun set over water. That dude is still in my cell. They said they would move him Sat before I go off on him. I lost is yesterday, maybe threated him. He hasn't showered since Sunday and I was telling him he needed to get out and take one when he got smart. So I had to backup, sitdown, shutup before he ended up in the hospital. I don't think I'll be going outside to walk in the rain today - the wind mostly and my left knee has been hurting since I woke up. I will go out if they call me to pick up the package for Starbuck. I just made my last shot of coffee and I'm almost out of bodywash. I have a portrait of this guy girlfriend I'm going to start on soon - I want to get it blown up for the outline - doing it in color pencils + pastels. I like pastels + color pencils especially for portraits. They make everyone look so clean and happy - I'm going to do a portrait of my Jeannie in pastel. [heart] I love doing her. About six months ago I lost the pin that hold my wrist band on one of the other porters found one the other day and gave it to me. I put my band back on and it worked fine. The thing is now it just slides around on my arm. It was a little tight before. I've been losing a lot of weight without even trying - under 220 now. I need to lose the weight but it worries me that it's coming off this fast without me doing anything - no diet, no exercise. Right now I have it on the outside of a long sleeve T-shirt and it's still sliding. :)

2/17/19
Sunday 4:30 AM

It's pouring down rain right now - a cold rain - the snow level is suppose to drop down to 800 feet - I keep puting my hands around the hot pot to warm them up. :) Both my knee ache [stick figure]. Thank goodness for sweats [stick figure]. I was able to trade that dumb ass celly off for someone I've known for 5 or 6 years, Casper. Him and German his celly had a falling out. Casper knows his way to the shower, knows how to clean up after himself, how to live in a cell with someone else and he's not a cell slug. :) I write all the bad things about him in my next blog. As for me I'm perfect. Well I am, at least I was that one time I was asleep and wasn't snoreing. :) All and all things are not so bad. Today I plan on finishing up some touch-ups on a couple of things I've been working on and start a couple of more. I wasn't able to get much done this last week I had to keep telling myself not to put tips on that lap.