pgbj
Personal Journal

I sometimes write poetry to find out who I am. Sometimes I find out where I'm at. Am I more than Jeannie's lover? Don't misunderstand me, that's enough for me. But I must tell the stories true off all things in my life, and the true love of me and my love is not the whole story, just the one that fills my heart and has stolen all my poems lately. But they do tell a story of their own.

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7 April 2019
Sunday

Got up late. I've been walking slow this past week. Not sure if I want to get up at all. It is warm under the blanket. It is cold here this morning. I'm not cold, I've got sweats on under my clothes. My hands are cold, I need them uncovered to write. Wrapping them around a warm cup of coffee helps. It's not freezing, but it is under 40 degrees and our heaters have been turned off (someone complaining about the heat). :) I told you we like to complain about here. Oh yes, and my nose is cold. :):):):)

I've been working on drawing a pattern out for a clown. I know what the clown looks like, I just want to put him standing on a chair juggling some baseballs. Got the back end of a school setup right now. Maybe I'll get that painted today or one day this week. Lazy.

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8 April 2019
Monday

Country song of the year, how do you Choose? They were all great winners. I watch the CMAs last night. A lot of good music. Set in God's country.

I've taken another road. Don't know if I'm going to turn right or wrong at the next crossroads I come to. Another wrong turn ending up in the middle of nowhere. It's not good for us to make decision alone.

The groups they have in this prison are a big joke. They're all run by the same 10 or 12 inmates who just happen to be in all of them. What they're telling people is mostly crap, but that's what the Parole Board wants. If you can fake it, you can make it. If you disagree with them in any way, they drop you. Like I said, a joke. Inmates and cops in my day rats.

Then there's the small group of guards that work hard at giving out petty write ups to the people who are trying to program. A man program hard for six months to get 30 days off. They gave them a write up for stepping on a line and took 30 days from them. Guards tell me, "You want a write up for that?" I tell the guard, "You can write." Knowing I don't care. Most of them smile and keep on walking. Can't scare anybody with no place to go and no way to get there.

It looks like the beginning of another beautiful day. Only thing for sure, we're another day older.

Starting over, that's what I should be doing. But starting what over? I wouldn't know where to begin. All the beginnings look the same as all the endings. I just know that somewhere in between, at least one of them there has to be something better.

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4/15/19

I forgot to pick up my coffee all week. I'm the boss at putting things off. I managed to shake enough loose out of some old jars anyway. I reach over for the hot water and knock the coffee cup to the floor. Oh yes, I did. :) I have to have my coffee. :) I'm glad my celly cleans the cell every morning. At least I hope he does.

I've been trying to work on an attitude adjustment for myself, but every time I get started, some fool in blue or green does or says something stupid to piss me off.

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4/21/19
Sunday

Some kind of flu bug has been going around here and this last week I had it. My stomach hurt and reacted when I sat down, my body ached when I was standing up, and I just felt weak when I was laying down. :) Feeling better this morning. Stomach's not reacting, anyway. A little lightheaded bit I'm always a little lightheaded.

I do want to get this off in the mail today, so I'm just going to finish the page. PG + E has had the power on and off the last few days working on the lines around done.

Nothing else new going on here. I'm able to taste the coffee this morning. They said the power's going off at six. Food's still bad. :) Maybe it'll taste better in the dark. :) I've done that, it don't. :) :)