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Personal Journal

4/19/29

Good Friday. It has been a slow month. This is the third time this week I have overslept. Didn't get up until 5:30 this morning and I'm still tired - I have no energy in me anymore. I take a walk in the morning, I have to take a nap - I was still in bed at 8:30 last night. I never feel like doing anything - I'm having to force myself to write sometimes or even to paint. I want to, I just have trouble getting started - some days I'll paint all afternoon once I've started. I keep saying it'll pass, it always does :) but it doesn't feel like depression. Don't know what I'm writing half the time.

4/20/19

I notice I'm getting ahead of myself on years here :). Saturday: up at 4am, I've been up most of the night. They had baked chicken last night. I ate it. I know better - I get sick about every time I eat their chicken so I rarely do. The kitchen is dirty/unsanitary, they put the chicken on these big bread pans, let them sit around for a day then want to put them in the oven, and besides the chicken is always undercooked :|. Now my nose is running, I can't stop sneezing, my eyes are watering up so things are blurry. :| These allergies pills are worthless. Got your Easter card - great grandma - yes, with my white hair and beard I am/would be a great great grandpa, wish I were there with you now.

I'll answer your letter in a few days when I can see the paper :). The weather here is great - in the 80s the last few days with more to come, just a little too much pollen :) and the cherry blossom haven't even bloomed yet [tearful face]. Half the morning blowing my nose. "Thank you warden, not at all for all my friends hiding in the walls waiting for a chance to break out the windows and run down the halls. My brother James, my brother Tim heading for the fence, my brother Allen, my brother Red climbing up the tower - there goes my brother Bobby, Jimmy dashing through the gate. I'm right behind you, boys, I'm sure, I just need to tell my Jeannie a few more times how much I love her." And how I always have.

4/22/19

Monday morning, blue sky - how I love the spring time when the wind is softly blowing about my face and the allergy pills are working :). There are dandelions growing wild between the buildings, not subject to the restraints or regulation of the prison - a free natural state of existence, a beautiful thing between these gray concrete walls. The warden had them cover with DDT one day last week, the dandelions drink it and bared their petals to the sun. Everything here has been cut down to where its only water, that's why the cell block cleaner cleans nothing.

Things are slow here. You know how the warm spring weather makes a person lazy. I am getting things done but I'm going real slow.

4/24/19
Wednesday

We went on lock down Monday morning right after breakfast. They're searching on "A" yard - the guards from here go over there to help. The only reason I can see for them sending guards from other yard it so when someone complains about how badly their cell was tore up or something personal was taken or broke, the regular guards can blame it on the guards from the other yards. We're suppose to shower every third day on these lock-downs. I did shower Monday when I came back from pill call. The floor guard was already gone and I just smiled at the tower guard and it looked to me like he nodded his head up + down :). Anyway, he didn't say anything when I grabbed my shower stuff and jump in, all about timing :). It's hard for me to paint when my celly locked up with me - always jumping up and down and with the light on, it messing up the TV. I did finish the clown and I'm working on the bus. Did some reading, I can read with the window light. Got another blood test yesterday. I was still bruised from the last one. The RN said it was from the medication I'm taking for the lupus - just one of the side effects. That's it for now. I want to get this letter in the mail today - I have a love letter to write.

pqb5

Second Chance

Standing here alone
Stalled by life again
Giving at the knees
Looking ahead at the movie
Waiting for the end
My eyes out of focus
Needing a signal to get past
Still sweating out yesterday's mistakes
Memorized all the roads I've traveled
All the bridges I cross
All the building I've enter just to exit
Everything burning behind me
Shuffling my feet to keep warm in the flames
Hunting for a way out from under arrest
Death I wait for you
Let me go or take me
It makes no difference
To the fool in my memories
Just another road to travel
Another bridge to cross
Another cross to bear
Another city to burn down
Another second chance to dream of

4-20-19

Steve Burkett