"As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly."
—Proverbs 26:11

01-24-20

Dear Readers,
Howdy! I hope you are well and happy.

I'm still in the fucking Hole after over a month. This fucking sucks/

So... I finally saw the DHO (hearing officer) two days ago, and thank you Danesha, my "shot" was expunged. If the gloves do not fit, you must acquit! The gloves didn't fit. Yeh!

However, Dutch and I both went to Wednesday (he was found guilty of fighting) and yet he was released last night while I was not. WTF? This has me worried.

I may repeat myself from my last post 'cause I didn't keep notes like I usually do, so bear with me this time.

With that said, according to Inmate.com, the new warden is transferring anyone who has had three "100 series" shots (the most serious) in the past year. I have had two. But... I did have one in 2017, as you can read from that year. That might be a problem. Hopefully not, but it could.

As such, it looks like I'm for sure stuck here through the weekend, and they might not decide my fate until next Wed. when they have their staff meeting. Fuck.

Until then, I still have to deal with these horrific conditions—which should be considered "cruel and unusual" without a doubt.

For the most part, I've been in this cell with three people—which I'm pretty sure is illegal. I think I mentioned the screwed up black guy. The Monday after that, we got some guy from the Low next door (the Low doesn't have a SHU and so they bring guys over here). He's real nice and laid back and has not been a problem. But three people in a cell is still too much.

Right after Dutch got out last night, they immediately brought in another guy "Joker" that I know from the compound. The Low guy (I call him "Junior," his name is Eric) and I didn't even get one night with just the two of us. Ugh.

Also yesterday, they did a big shake down of all the cells in the SHU. It took all day and into the evening. They didn't get to us until around 6 PM that night. We were handcuffed, and they took us outside to the rec cage and left us there. They put coats over our shoulders but left the cuffs on the entire time. They left us out there handcuffed for about 20 minutes in the cold. Then they took us all to R+D and had us stand on their x-ray machine so they could scan us. I'm sure they were looking for drugs.

They didn't take much from our cell (but we didn't have much). They mostly took petty stuff like food we had saved from our meal trays and some magazine articles that Dutch was able to get in from his property. It was stressful and a big hassle.

I'm pretty sure I mentioned that I got two bags of my property on the 14th or so. What I'm not sure I mentioned is that I usually have four bags. All I had in there was paperwork, which means that I'm missing all my clothes, commissary and hygiene—plus my books, tarot cards, and all other personal stuff. I'm pretty sure my piece-of-shit cellie at the time, Nathan, ripped me off of all of it. Motherfucker.

I am so stressed out about that. I will have to start from scratch all over again if that stuff doesn't turn up. It will cost me a lot. I am so very stressed about that. Did I mention that?

Another thing I'm not sure I mentioned is how screwed up rec is now.

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01-25-20

I think chow came or something, and I had to leave off. Then I never got back to writing.

As I was saying... rec used to be for an hour Monday thru Friday. Now, they do rec only three days a week. For this range, it's Tuesday and Thursday for two hours and on Sunday for one hour. That means—if you're into going to rec, which I rarely do 'cause it sucks—is that you're stuck in the cell for 24 hours or four days out of the week instead of only two.

Plus, on these two days when rec is for two hours? If you go out there, you can't come back until that two hours is up. This past week it was in the 20's temperature-wise, so you're stuck out in 20-some-odd degree weather in the winter for two freakin' hours. No. thank. you.

That's insane. Plus, what if you need to pee?

I think they changed it like that on purpose to discourage guys from going to rec. That's really screwed up. I've only gone to rec once so far, and that was either the first or second Sunday I was in here. Joker was talking about going out tomorrow, and I may go with him. The CO's also "inspect" your cell before you can go out. If they see anything "out of order", they won't let you go.

They still haven't brought the book cart around. Psychology hasn't brought any puzzles for the last two weeks 'cause they claim they're "out of paper." Huh? Forgive me if I'm having a hard time believing that employees of the federal government can't get paper for two weeks. If they were real psychologists, they would be protesting the conditions in here, which are definitely not mentally healthy.

OMG. They finally brought some actual writing paper today for the first time since I got here on Dec. 21. I've had to break down and use some typing paper to write—as you can see. There really should be some kind of law about not bringing writing paper to inmates in the SHU when we should be able to write family and friends or whomever. Fucking insane. Have I mentioned this? That's over a month without being given writing paper. But here's the best part: we get two whole sheets of writing paper each for THREE people. Fucking insane.

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01-26-20

As if things weren't bad enough...

It turns out that today they told us the water main broke, and we didn't have water at all for most of the day. Now, when the water's turned on, we overheard them say something about now showering 'cause the water is still contaminated. Wonderful.

(I'm sticking with the typing paper to be consistent.)

So, we got box meals for all three meals. They brought us bottled water this morning, but not at lunch. Then they refilled our water bottles from a big water cooler just now—when they finally brought us dinner at 6:30 PM.

They didn't tell us anything about not drinking the water after it got turned on sometime late this afternoon. We only overheard the Lt. tell the guys in the cell across from us about it being contaminated. Otherwise we wouldn't have known. Fucking insane.

One other thing to demonstrate the idiocy of the BOP: When Dutch and I had the psycho black guy in the cell, he told us that he just got here from USP Lee County, which is in Virginia (you can look up where at bop.gov).

Well, instead of bringing him directly here—which would probably only take a couple of hours—he was sent by bus to the transfer center in Atlanta, GA where he spent 30 days locked down in that shit hole. Then he took another 16 hour bus ride back to Virginia to be brought to Petersburg. You know I'm thinking it: fucking insane.

Hopefully, I will get out of here next week. In a way I'm dreading it 'cause I'm worried about actually finding out that my property really was stolen. I also don't want to deal with having to face everyone after "falling out again" but that's fairly minor. Ugh, and I'm going to have to be put in a new cell again and all that hassle. I am so fucking stupid.

Until next time, I wish you...

Love and blessings,
Kelly