Personal Journal

11/2/2020
I'm on CTQ - I'm not as unhappy about it as one would think. I was getting wore out running back and forth for medical appointments. I'm not in any kind of pain. I only have sutures in the back of my right hand. No pain from them, the pain in my hands are mostly from the lupus and the weathers cooling off in the morning. I'm not seeing very well because of the way I have to put the band-aids on beside both eyes. I just have to get an RN over here to remove the sutures. I can't go over there because of the CTQ :) I just have to wear the bandaids until my face heals up a little. The worst part of this CTQ is my celly is here. After listening to my celly I'll have to slow down on my complaining :) The time change has me behind :)

11/3/2020
I got up late - I mean 5:45 :) and I'm tired. I just want to put down a few words before chow. Last night they put the whole building on Quarantine. The guards are setting up for breakfast right now. I was hoping for a shower today but another bird bath it'll have to be. I've been using a new lavender body powder so I couldn't tell you if I stink or not :) [<3 I'll call love as soon as they [?] phone call] line <3] We have this old bull that goes around to all the cells waking everyone up, all the cells on the bottom tier anyway. I'm not sure he can make it to the top tier :) The weather is hanging. It was in the 40s earlier - my knee and my fingers are stiff and sore. My counselor from the drug group (Jared) is bringing the group work packet around to the cell everyday. There is a lot of work - the questions are easy - there is no wrong answer. They are questions about yourself, your feelings. The thing is, the days you're not in group you have to make up, so 52 weeks is now more than 54 weeks for me because I missed that much group. I get Suboxone; a pain blocker - a non drug pain blocker. I've tried for years to get on some kind of non drug pain blocker here for all the pain I have in my joints from the lupus + arthritis medical staff Doctor won't give it to you because custody don't want you to have it. And the cost. Now I'm able to take care of the two birds at once. Helps me with my drug addiction and the pain in my body :) Everyone in my building is on CTQ lockdown right now. [?] yes if you do any drugs/opiate the mixture of the two will make you sick and take away any high feeling you have from one or the other. :)

11/9/2020
I took a few days off from writing in my journal to write a personal letter <3 I still haven't gotten used to the time change - I'm sleeping in to 5 or 5:30. I'm slow about getting up, getting dressed, and cleaning up. My hands are working a little better but they're still sore + stiff. :/ It's going to take some time. RRight now the Arthritis + Lupus are starting to act up as the weather is beginning to be cold + [?]. The Suboxone seem to be helping a little with the pain - I'm not crying anyway at least not yet :) I remember how much my fingers were hurting last year when I was standing in the chow + pill lines with tears in my eyes. The R.N. is trying to get the doctor to order me a pair of cold weather gloves. They don't do that here, but she said she was going to try - she must love me. Probably remind her of her grandpa :)

11/12/2020
Everything is harder to do with this celly in my cell. He talks + argues even with the [?]. I've always had trouble concentrating and have mostly always waited until my cellies are out of the cell, but when one's in the cell with you all the time like on the CTQ, it's hard even when he's not in the cell, something bout him worries me. I have a lot of trouble even doing my work for the group. I want to get this blog out today. I'll start anew tomorrow. I hope we get off CTQ today. I'm going to try not to cry so much after this one :) I have told you before that that's what we convicts do, sit around and complain about everything :) I try not to complain in my letters even my love note are there where I want to make you feel good. One of the things I'm trying not to do is talk bad about anyone, but then is complaining really talking bad? :) :) I hope everyone is doing well and I'm always happy to hear from you.