Johnny E. Mahaffey
October 16, 2025

THE EX THAT'S GOT BPD - BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

You always hear people saying their ex is crazy, and it usually just gets brushed off and ignored; but, I think over half the time there's hidden truths such claims are based. Gaslighting and manipulation are associated with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), with BPD most commonly found in women.

You know, the ex that pops up when they need something.

It's a classic manipulative cycle -- an ex who knows your soft spots comes back around sweet-talking and saying all the right things. They might act like they've changed (or accuse you of being the one who's changed -- a way of blaming you for the past's failures and not themselves -- another manipulation) or they act like suddenly they "understand" everything you went through, making you believe there's chance for closure or reconciliation of some form, be it romantic or otherwise. But underneath it all, there's an agenda -- money, favors, or emotional validation. They'll mirror your desires, telling you exactly what they think you want to hear just long enough to get what they're after. It feels genuine in the moment because they know your patterns -- or at least think they do because in the past they did.

When their charm fails and you don't give them what they want, their mask slips. Suddenly, you're accused of manipulation, dishonesty, or a multitude of accusations. They'll claim you were only telling them what they wanted to hear, flipping the script to avoid accountability. It's a form of gaslighting meant to confuse and guilt you, hoping you'll second guess yourself. And when that doesn't work, they go silent -- cutting communication not out of hurt, or something you did, but out their own frustration that their control didn't work this time. The silence -- the returned letter, blocked number, the social unfriending or whatever its form -- is actually your freedom and gift, with the lifted stress level for you being proof that walking away is the healthiest response to a toxic pattern you've finally stopped feeding.

The sad part is that the ex, has no clue. Their narcissistic thought patterns blind them to the sabotage they do to their own life, because no one is falling for their manipulations. BPD inflicted individuals go through a string of unstable relationships and emotions, all for a want of excessive admiration to feed their sense of entitlement. A previous post of mine, "Lost Loves, Found Friends", turned out to be her needing some money, and the toxicity returned after I was unable to get the money she needed. I forgave, but also almost forgot. The ironic part was right after she revealed her truth and stopped contact, I procured the money she was after. Almost as if Fate said "no" to her.

With age and experience comes wisdom.

M.