Daily Journal
December 7-9, 2012

Friday December 7, 2012 6:23am: Just finished cleaning my cell. I can actually see to clean. This is nice having a cell light. Well, last night I finally got in the letters that I've been most anxious to receive. I also got word that J. moved to CA which kind of made me really realize that that's over between us. I haven't seen her in 5 years, but there was always hope that one day she would come back to me. I really pushed her away telling her how it really is, telling her she was best off where she was, and not in my life. We enjoyed our visits, but it hurt her to leave, she's better off and I know she's content with her life and not happy. Sometimes it's better to be content than to chase happiness into a disastrous situation as she would have done with me. And she would have never been happy with this life with me. Oh lord, Firehouse "A Love of a Lifetime" is playing, that's a beautiful song. Well, I need to write my Canadian angel. I then have several other letters to write and some art work to do, so I have enough to keep me busy for the next few hours.
10:05am: They did master count a few minutes ago. I just found out they did a mock escape. They haven't done those in awhile. I guess that's a result of that attempted escape. I got another article of the officers who were put on leave pending that investigation of the murder of inmate Frank Smith, 44 years old, he was 5 foot 8, 129 pounds. So he was just a little bitty guy. Three of the officers were P-Dorm Recreation Officers here on death row. I also know the Lt. and assistant warden Jeffcoat. I'm glad they got her. I've just been writing which I need to get back to.
1:44pm: I started a couple of letters this morning, but then stopped to work on a drawing. I've been working on that for the past couple of hours. Guess I'll go get back to that and pass a few more hours. 'Cause that's really all I'm doing is wasting time.
4:53pm: Just finished eating dinner. We had hot dogs. I've just been messing with this Death Row drawing and listening to music. Got showers tonight. I won't get down there until about 8pm or after. I grabbed my food tray and the bottom of it was greasy and nasty. Them guys in the kitchen don't do a good job at anything they do. Well, I'm going to watch some news.
6:54pm: Just started the showers. They've been getting started later and later. I'm just watching the news. When they get to me on the showers, I'm going to see if they make me get on my knees. They did that on Monday yet they hadn't been doing it for two months. I personally think they done it 'cause some of my mail come up missing and I wrote about it in a letter the other day. This new admin did away with that kneeling down. Also if you have a medical issue such as I do, with a BAD KNEE then you're supposed to be exempt. I'm going to lay down until showers.

Saturday December 8, 2012 6:42am: Just finished cleaning my cell. Nice to be able to see what you're cleaning. I'm going to clean the cell bars later. I'm going to spend the day writing and drawing. I'm working on another card. They (staff) should be coming around with cleaning supplies some time this morning. I received two Christmas cards last night, that was it. The news has been depressing lately. You had a 16 year old beautiful girl die this past week. So sad, then you had the boy who was in the same car wreck get paralyzed. Then they keep covering this 17 year old black kid who was gunned down by a 40+ year old white male, who ran from the scene yet now is trying to use this bullshit stand your ground law. Which is an idiotic law that's allowing young black kids to be murdered by racists. Guns should be banned completely. That would make people a lot safer. And then you had the sad story of that 46 year old nurse who got caught up in that royal prank who committed suicide. What's really sad is she didn't have anyone she could talk to that could take the steps to get her help. That's heartbreaking. 'Cause if she could have made it through the next couple of weeks or months then things would have got better, and she would still be here for her two children. But because of a silly prank, which the damn media then blew up making her look like a fool, two children no longer have a mother. Sad sad situation. I'm fixing to do some writing.
11:57am: Been doing some drawing. I've finished up a couple of short letters. I have some more writing to do. There's nothing on TV so I'm still listening to some music. I'm going to get back to this drawing.
4:42pm: Just sitting here waiting on dinner. I think it's coming right now. Yep, it's here.
4:49pm: I just put my spaghetti in a bag and put it in the sink with hot water to heat it up. The food was ice cold. I've spent the past four hours working on some more stationery for my blog. I'm going to give my blog a different flair. I want it to stand out from all the other blog spots. I'm hoping to get a CD sent to BTB of me reciting my poetry where my followers can listen to me recite my poetry. I hope it can be done. I see where people are being hard on them two Australian DJs over that nurse's suicide, when the DJs are only partially to blame. For had it went no further than that, it wouldn't have been an issue, but every news organization in America jumped all over it, why? Because a woman got pregnant, so what! I didn't see a big deal about a royal pregnancy. But for some reason the media makes people out to be more than what they are. For what is Kate but another human being, that's it, so what! She eats, sh**ts and sleeps like us all. And had the world media not jumped all over a silly DJ prank, the media who hyped it all up and made that woman look like a fool wouldn't have brought all that negative attention that humiliated that poor woman to where she felt she had no way out other than death. Those DJs are there for entertainment, they are young and in a profession that is juvenile! The media is there to inform the public of serious issues, not some juvenile ass prank. I blame the media for blowing a juvenile ass prank up and giving it national attention. There's much more newsworthy stories than a pregnancy and a prank by two entertainers. That's my take on it. Well, I'm fixing to get ready to eat. And tonight we got the MMA CFU on Fox, so I'm looking forward to that.

Sunday December 9, 2012 5:52am: Already got up, made the bunk, cleaned the cell. I got my breakfast in a bag heating up. It's powdered eggs, potatoes and grits. All the TV stations are out this morning. This digital TV is not good for us. I'm listening to my music anyways, having a cup of coffee. I enjoyed the four fights they had on Fox last night. On Saturday January 26, 2013 they're going to be showing another Fight Night. I wish we had cable so I could see that more often. I'm going to do some writing this morning. I need to finish a letter to Mom, write Anne and then I'm going to work on some stationery for my blog and then maybe work on this card that I started. I seen yesterday the NFL had another tragedy and lost two of its players. One's dead, the other's going to go to prison for manslaughter DUI. Oh yeah, it's real smart not to drink and drive. And you can make a very intelligent decision not to do that while you're sober. The minute you start drinking that stupid juice (also known as alcohol) then you're less likely to make an intelligent decision. 'Cause alcohol makes people STUPID! That's the one drug they need to make illegal, 'cause it is hands down the most dangerous drug we have.
7:56am: I wrote one letter or finished it, and was messing with my stationery. I was doing this skull this morning. When I stopped writing I was thinking of alcohol and all the death and destruction it brings. This is not a good piece of work, just something I was doodling on while thinking. I didn't spend more than 5 or 10 minutes messing with it. Manny has 58 hours to live. What a mess, humanity, compassion, sympathy, consideration, and even if our so called civilized society has none for Manny, you'd think they would have some compassion and sympathy for his family, 'cause they are the ones who's suffering right now knowing that the great state of Florida is going to intentionally murder their loved one at 6pm December 11, 2012, exchanging wrong for wrong. But it's his family that's not only in pain now, but is going to be absolutely broken hearted at 6pm, 6:30pm and every day thereafter for the rest of their lives. And every December 11, at 6pm, they're going to always be reminded that the state of Florida murdered their loved one, under the false pretense of justice. Humanity...no! Just another stupid vengeful act, by a screwed up society that's bloodthirsty and hell bent on vengeance and has no compassion or sympathy for Manny's mother, father and children. Because society's vengeful nature overrides everything else. We humans are sick, screwed up beings. We have invented ways to murder other humans, lethal injection, electric chairs etc etc. For thousands of years we have sat back and come up with ways to murder one another, trying to justify murder calling it punishment. An unforgiving non-sympathetic uncompassionate act. An inhumane act. Oh well. One day people will look back at us and see how truly sick we are.
10:02am: Just been drawing and listening to my music, passing time here in hell on earth. This is one screwed up place to be, loneliness, despair, boredom like you've never known. 'Cause your whole existence is this 9x7... 63 square foot cagem and it's unlike anything you can imagine, and there's no end in sight. At least if you're in jail or doing a prison sentence there's hope, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. All I'm staring into is darkness. My hope is that I die in my sleep and not wake up. That's pretty bad, but that's the reality of my existence in this cage. And on top of everything else, this place is a damn mental ward! Yes, this place is a mess and it will screw you up mentally. I can feel the toll that it's been taking on me. I've seen the toll it's taken on others, who have completely lost their minds. Where they no longer are looking at you, they are looking through you. That blank stare. That scares the living hell out of me, and I hope that I'll take my own life before I ever get that far. 'Cause I don't want to ever get like that. Yet these cages, combined with that sentence will do it to a man.
1:59pm: I laid down for a while. I'm just not feeling too tough. I don't feel like drawing, there's nothing on TV. A football game - but I hate both teams. So I put my music on, ear buds in, and got under the covers. I'd love to slip into a coma and never come out. I'd like to have that Proforal that Michael Jackson was using. That would help me escape the loneliness, the depression and everything that comes with this cage. I just want to say to death screw you, where you at b****! Oh well! I'm going to lay back down for awhile.
4:50pm: Just finished eating. I haven't been doing anything. I was watching some football. This damn officer they have working makes me nervous, at 3pm he stopped at the back door and was writing something down. This is the same idiot that falsified a Disciplinary Report (DR) against me on August 1, 2011 saying I refused to get dressed. Lying ass dishonorable scum bucket is what he is. I don't talk to him unless he asks me a question. So far so good. You just never know though. Well, I never wrote the letters that I wanted to write. Didn't get this stationery finished. I'm going to wash up here shortly, wash my clothes and then lay back and watch some TV news, 60 Minutes and tonight is the season finale of The Amazing Race. So I'll be up till 10pm. That's if I stay up and watch it. The way I feel right now, I'm not so sure I'll stay up. I've got to snap up out of this crap. I hate feeling like this. I write about it in my journal but I don't talk to guys back here and tell them how I feel. And in my letters I don't like writing when I'm feeling like this, people have their own problems. Well, I'm going to wash clothes, wash up and call it a day. Yep, another day among the walking dead, where in 49 hours they will kill another one of us in their death chamber, with their machinery of death.