Daily Journal 12/21 - 12/25-2012

Friday December 21, 2012 4:33am: Here it is - the end of the world, yeah right. Last night I got in my new journal stationery that I designed several weeks back. I think I'm going to design a few other pages just to give it a flair. I got up at 3am. I watched some news which they were joking around about the end of the world. I then made the bed and cleaned up. I still need to wash the floor. I got in a couple of comments last night, so I'll respond to them, write my mom who I heard from last night. Mail doesn't go out until December 26. We get mail tonight and then no more mail until Wed night. I hate holidays. Well, I'm going to clean this floor and wait on breakfast and say goodbye to Sgt. Starling when he comes by. I hate that he's leaving. He's a really good Sgt. Treats men like men. Just a good guy.
5:41am: Just finished eating. Said goodbye to the Sgt. I'm going to stay away from that T.V. today. They're going to be talking about that school shooting. Too heartbreaking. I don't see how reporters can cover it without bursting into tears. Hell, I can't watch it, or even think about it without tears coming up. Maybe I'm just a soft ass. This is a sick world. Kids shooting kids, kids burning each other up, setting each other on fire, adults shooting teenagers because they're playing their music too loud. And the list goes on and on. I seen Governor Rick Scott on Face to Face yesterday talking about his faith, Christianity, and signing death warrants. What a load of crap! 'Cause a real Christian, a true follower of Christ would say what's written, "Ye without sin, cast the first stone". And if Scott's a true Christian then he knows he's a sinner and it's written time and time again to forgive men of their sins and your heavenly Father will forgive you of your sins (Matthew 6:14-15). Murdering men and women in American's death chambers is far from being a true Christian act. But that was something that always turned me off about Christians too quick to judge, too quick to condemn, beg and plead in their prayers for mercy, compassion and forgiveness but wish others would burn in hell. I seen pastors say that about the 9/11 hijackers. I hope they all burn in hell. That's real forgiving isn't it?! No, a real Christian would say, "God, please on behalf of your son show them misguided souls mercy, compassion and forgiveness, for they obviously did not fully understand their acts and your will. So I ask in the name of Jesus Christ and through his precious blood that you forgive them of their sins. In Jesus' name, amen". But it is what it is and who am I to preach? I am the unforgiven, and one with no faith.
9:04am: Just was writing my mom. I had to work on this pen this morning. I can't get it to work right. Our normal wing officers aren't here today. Not sure what that's about. One of them I'm glad's not here. He's the one who falsified that DR on me last year, unethical son of a bitch. Think I'm going to make me a soup and then do some more writing. I don't have the stamps, but I can still write and mail them when I get the stamps.
11:00am: Been sitting here working on some more stationery for my blog, and working on a back panel for my cards, so I have one back with my logo and several poems. This way's every time I make a new card, I don't have to do a back for it. I'm going to look at letting Between the Bars sell my cards to assist in helping them. As long as I don't profit off of it, there's no rule against it. So this will help them out, and I'm sure they could use the help.
12:13pm: I was just watching PBS The Florida Channel, and they showed our new secretary Mike Crews. Not sure about him. He was the Deputy Secretary and I wrote him several times about the abuse I was enduring at the hands of this no good unethical dishonorable punk warden Barry V. Reddish and he could have taken action, yet didn't, which resulted in further assaults and the death/murder of inmate Frank Smith. For either you're part of the problem, or part of the solution, and when you turn a blind eye and deaf ear and it results in death, then in my eyes you're part of the problem. But we will see.
3:33pm: I got to writing a reply earlier and thinking about them kids. Damn that shit makes me sick. I think about them every day how they would have been counting down until Christmas. Got to get my mind somewhere else. I need to do something.
5:04pm: I ate lunch, or what was on the lunch tray, about 3:45. Shortly after I got stomach cramps and diarrhea. Now I'm getting cold chills. Damn, I don't know what this is about. I hope I don't have what they had over in E-Dorm. My stomach is hurting really bad. The worst thing is I just got to ride it out. 'Cause our medical sucks. They won't do anything. I'm going to try laying back down. Dinner still hasn't come, not that I care. Got showers later. Probably 8 to 9pm. Hope I'm able to go. My head is starting to hurt. This is not good at all.

Saturday December 22, 2012 7:39am: I feel like shit. I've taken 2 500mg Tylenol and Nurse Hall, who is a wonderful nurse, gave me some loperamide hydrochloride tablets 2mg to stop the diarrhea. I took one last night that I had had from a year or so ago. It didn't work. If this one doesn't work, I'll take one more tablet in about an hour. Last night I was getting really bad cramps. I have a headache and body aches. I'm thinking about just getting back in bed. I just made it. I didn't get my shower until 8:30 last night. I came back and went to sleep. Didn't get any mail, so I still don't have stamps to get any mail out. So much for 12/21/12 being the end of the world. I'm going to lay back down.
6:20pm: Still feeling bad. The diarrhea is gone. I just got a real bad headache and some pains. I've been in bed all day. I'm fixing to get back into bed, listen to some music until I fall asleep.

Sunday December 23, 2012 5:47am: I'm feeling a bit better this morning. I just ate breakfast and my stomach went to bubbling, so I took one of those anti-diarrhea pills, just in case. I spent all day yesterday in bed. I didn't even shave, which I need to do here in a few. Also need to clean the floor. I may wind up back in bed. Too bad we have sorry doctors. The doctor we haven't isn't qualified to treat an animal. But I am thankful for Nurse Hall and Nurse Cunningham. They are wonderful. We need more people like that in this world.
9:31am: I was watching Good Morning America, where a dental assistant was fired for being too pretty. 'Cause the dentist after 10 years of her service thought it was too tempting to have her working around him. When she's happily married with two kids. She files a lawsuit for discrimination and it gets denied all the way up to the Iowa Supreme Court. This shows that the American courts are filled with stupid moronic idiots! And these judges in America, they can stick them gavels up their ass! 'Cause they really are a bunch of unrighteous dishonorable bitches! We have one sorry ass judiciary system. This crap swings whichever way the wind blows. There's no consistency with the law. And that's because of the sorry ass American constitution. We interpret it this way or that way. They need to trash that garbage and write a new one, that means what it says and says what it means. All this trying to guess what someone meant 200 plus years ago and applying it to law and today's standards is downright stupid! Our judicial system and an all male Supreme Court of Iowa screwed this woman and her family. Welcome to the dumbass, unfair, biased American judiciary system. I'm still not feeling good. Come to find out my neighbor has had diarrhea for several days. Well, I'm getting back in bed for now.

Monday December 24, 2012 6:51am: I spent all day yesterday in bed. I had to take more of those pills. So far I'm feeling better this morning. I just hope it stays that way. I had a wicked dream last night about my death warrant being signed. I was trying to blog all the way up to the execution, but the execution date/time passed by several times and nobody could figure out why I wasn't being executed. And I wasn't in a death watch cell, I was out with others in the world near a river. Dreams are often crazy and don't make a lot of sense. Seen on the news where a senator got busted for DUI. Just strengthens my position, alcohol makes the smartest people stupid! Which makes alcohol a very dangerous drug. Not sure what I will do today. Don't have much of a choice, draw or write. I seen on the news last night where a Navy SEAL committed suicide. If I ever do that, I wouldn't do it at Christmas. I wouldn't want to affect my family's holidays the rest of their lives. I'd try to pick my birthday, that ways there's only one day to mourn. 'Cause a lot of family grieve the day you die and the day you're born. So I'd try to make it easier on them. But I understand it doesn't always work out that way. My suicide attempt's Sept 1, 1995, another one in August 2006.
7:36am: Good Morning America's doing another story on that stupid retarded ass, bitch ass Iowa Supreme Court! Fired that woman for being too sexy. That stinking ass dentist referred to the woman as a sports car that he could never take out of the garage. HEY!! IT WASN'T HIS F-ING WIFE!! If that was my wife, that stinking ass male chauvinist pig of a dentist would have got a mud hole stomped in his ass! What pisses me off even more is those stinking lowlife dishonorable punk ass judges support that crap. They need that ruling shoved straight up their dishonorable asses!
11:06am: The only thing I've done is cleaned this cage, scrubbed everything down. Mainly just been standing up at the door talking to my neighbor. I've got to wash some clothes here in a bit. Then I'll figure out what to do next. Just figure out what to do to pass the day.

Tuesday December 25, 2012 5:57am: Christmas morning. My first thought this morning was of the Newtown families, families who have nothing to celebrate. My heart aches for them. I know they're not going to even want to get out of bed this morning. So very very sad. I'm not sure what I'll do today. Later I'll watch the NBA. I've made my bunk, I need to clean the cell. I'm going to do that here in a few minutes. Yesterday about 2pm, I cut my hair. That took about an hour. Then another hour to get the hair up. I do a real good job at cutting my own hair. I've done it for 22 years. I really did not accomplish anything yesterday. Well, I need to clean this cage and get that out of the way.
6:56am: Just finished cleaning the cell bars, the floor, sink and toilet. I'm having a cup of coffee and trying to decide what to do next. There won't be anything special taking place today, so I'm thinking about hooking up some chicken burritos. If I do that, I'll do it about 8, 8:30. That was a sad situation with that guy ambushing those firefighters, killing two of them. My heart goes out to those families. We humans - what the hell's wrong with us? Where's the damn compassion and love for our fellow man?
10:00am: I fixed some chicken burritos, they are very good. That's for my neighbor and I for lunch. 'Cause I'm not sure what the kitchen will send, but I'm sure it won't be very good. I wrote a reply this morning to John. Other than that I haven't done anything. I'm thinking about doing some drawing. I need to write a couple of legal letters. I may do that in the morning. Oh well, just another day in a cage. I do remember happier times. The last Christmas that I enjoyed was Dec '88. I was with my wife Lisa and her family, before that I'd have to go back to 1982 in Oklahoma with my mom. 'Cause '83 I don't really remember. I was no doubt high and just can't remember it. '84, same way. '85 I was locked up as I was in '86, '87, I was with Lisa at my Dad's house. '89 is a blur, I'm not sure where I was, I was shooting coke around that time. For like two weeks, maybe 3, I was hitting that needle hard, and drinking heavily. Stupid!
4:13pm: Just sitting here watching the NBA. Lakers and Knicks. My game that I really want to see is next, Heat and the Thunder. The Christmas dinner wasn't that good, processed sliced turkey. I've been working on a drawing today. Holidays aren't anything special. I was standing at the cell bars looking out the window. I can see populations visiting park, and I can see the families out there visiting. I know that's really nice for the guys visiting their families. Yeah, that would be nice. I hope to get some mail in tomorrow and some of my new stationery. Here's dinner.
4:36pm: That was nasty, what they call a Spanish rice, which is an insult to Spanish people and their food. I gave it to my neighbor. I'm fixing to try and turn this around, get back on my Prozac, back on a workout schedule 'cause I'm feeling like shit. Well, this was my 23rd Christmas in this cage. Will I be unfortunate enough to last through another year and make it 24? If I have it my way there wouldn't be a 24th, sure wish I could give my life up, to bring just one of those kids back from Newtown. I've been thinking about those kids and their families off and on all day. My heart aches for them. Why do we do the things we do? That's a very good question that we can't answer. Well, I'm going to wrap this up, put my mail on the door, wash my clothes, wash up, lay down and call it a day. See what tomorrow holds.

Ronald W. Clark JR#812974
Union Correctional Institution
7819 N.W. 228th Street P-6115
Raiford, FL 32026-4460