July 2, 2011

Thought of the Week

by Jessica Haynes (author's profile)


Thought of the Week
As I look out my cell window at the birds feeding in the yard, I realize I will be free as they are real soon. Nine months is so close I can almost smell my grandmother's friend chicken. Over my time here in Hell, these birds have kept my mind from going crazy. To come and go as you wish, oh how I can't wait.

I remember one time when my mom got me a house warming bird. I remember looking at the tag on its leg and thinking how wrong it is to cage something as pretty as it was. I called her to return it because I didn't want to look at it every day knowing I should set it free. Funny thing is now I sit inside a cage with a tag on me. I now understand how that little bird felt, trapped and alone with no escape.

These birds don't understand my thoughts, but they have been a big help in my determination not to return. So from now on as I sit in a park to feed them, I'll always remember that they kept me free, even though I was locked in a cage.

Until next blog... Blog, you're it.


Times are hard when you're trapped inside your own mind, not able to escape or have no one to help you escape. Each day I wake up in the same dream, same people, and same routine. My time here in prison has not changed one bit. It's almost as if my life has stopped. When I got here, I was scared but quickly came to learn that I wanted to better myself. However, I found that in a place like this no one will guide you or even help you, for that matter. Not one program for self-help nor self-esteem. Like a pig playpen with no one watch after us.

I thought prison was to reform you, help you become a better person, so when you do enter back into the world, you have the skills not to return. Well, I was fooled!

I can say I don't ever want to return, but I didn't get any skills to learn this. All just common sense. No, I came here very angry, mad, and hateful and lost. I'm going to leave sickened. I will say this: Hell has broken me, my spirit, my body, and my mind. The people, the fake people that I deal with every day along with the ghetto ass laws, have broken any part of that person I came in as.

I can say though, I'm almost glad I didn't fall into this trap. 98% of those ladies will return because they fell for it. I'm a part of that 2%. I'm so far from fake, so far from a liar, and I'm true to what I stand for. Amen to that.

Until next blog... Blog, you're it. ;)


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