A VALENTINE'S DAY MEMORY
2/6/2013

I sit here thinking of Valentine's Day. Right around the corner. It's also the birthday of my nephew Jordan, he'll be 10 years old. Happy birthday Jordan, I love you, little buddy. How the years fly by. My last Valentine memory is of 1999. Justine cried to me on the phone & in a letter. It broke my heart to know that I failed the woman I loved more than life itself. Since Justine's death, Valentine's Day has been more of a nightmare for me than anything else. But I put aside my own demons & I remember other people's happiness. This year I sent out 3 cards. 1 to my friend Sonja, who I really hope has found the man of her dreams to share the day with. 1 to my wonderful friend Maria, a woman I have grown to care about a lot in just a short time, & to my 15 yr old daughter Krista. Though I don't hear from her very often, I just want her to know her dad loves her, misses her & thinks of her every day. But it's safe to say that this is not my favorite holiday. I'm in the middle of a 2 day prison lock down while they search every inch of the prison for drugs, weapons, stuff like that. Being locked in the cell is nothing compared to being locked in the hole. In the hole you have nothing. The only things you can do is read, write, & try to stay sane while locked in an 8x10 foot cell with nothing in it but a metal bed, desk, & toilet. At least on the block I have my TV, cable ($16.50 per month for basic) & some stuff to read. Most of my family has forgotten about me. My brother JJ, my mom, & my aunt Cindy are the only ones who even remember I still exist. In prison there is a saying, "outta sight, outta mind", & this holds true. I can't blame anyone for forgetting me, I didn't make that much of an impact on their lives. And everyone who knew me before prison, they're no longer there. They moved on with their lives. That's what people do. We pick up & move on, but when you can't move on, what do you do? Anyone have any ideas? Writing like this is something new to me so if anyone who reads this wants to know something specific or has any ideas or suggestions, please feel free to write me a letter and tell me or post a comment and let me know. Prison is a pretty lonely place, where men & women are put & forgotten. So if you have someone that you care about in jail, send them a letter, just to let them know they are not forgotten & that you still care. My grandmom would never let our family forget me but when she died almost 7 years ago, that's when they all began to forget. But today my thoughts are of the people I have lost but refuse to forget. My memory may dim, I might not remember everything, but I promise to never forget. To everyone out there who has someone special in their life, have a wonderful Valentine's Day together. Especially my brother JJ & my future sister Rachel. Their first Valentine's Day together with baby Lucciana. I leave you with these final words, "Una vera buona moglie e' il tesoro piu' prezioso che un uomo possa trovare", which in Italian is "A truly good wife is the most precious treasure a man can find". (I thank my friend in Italy, Lisa, for always helping me with the translation of words, grazie amica mia). More next week from Prison Dad; ciao.