Better Days
03.29.2013

I sit at my window in the mornings after I sweep the floor. The recreation outside door is open today so I have fresh air. It's been hot lately.

Ducks fly by. And geese. The traffic on interstate, just a football field away, I-15 is a constant. This way. That way. This way. That way. The cars go. Such hurry.

Living in prison. It becomes, after a while, like doing ninety on the freeway. You are already speeding so why not one hundred? One hundred and thirty!

I'm supposed to be "going home" soon. Exit. Except. There isn't one of those. Only a spinning door.

This is why I hate leaving prison so much. The depression upon returning is almost unbearable.

My words, in different venues, have been read by lots of people. But it doesn't matter. People should know me by now and be for or against me. But it doesn't matter. What I need is what no one is willing to give. Even those for me can't give it. The stigma prevents successful reentry.

It feels to me like I spent a decade pushing rocks to tops of mountains; for my fellow prisoners. For friends; and now it's just time to lay down and be crushed to death by my handiwork rolling back down. Kicked back down by those...

I do know that if I saw a gold nugget, in a field of shale rock, I'd pick it up. Even if it was heavy. I'd carry it home even if it got my new shirt all dirty and smelly.

I do know that I've a knack for written word - just the same as these others have knacks for drawing, singing, etc - but I also know society isn't smart enough to exploit our talents. That the deck is just stacked too high against us even ever being able to be in a position to use our talents.

It makes me sick to see art ten times better than Picasso; to hear a voice that would make the Billboards number one each year; to see all this effort all of us put into life just go to such waste because we aren't rich and free or white enough or... Because we are "bad people". :P - Bad people who don't pay taxes to war machines. Bad people who don't fly Blackhawks, SUVs or vote in the richest men...